Earth Day 2016: a Nature-and-child relationship

Earth Day 2016: a Nature-and-child relationship

in the parkReaders of this blog know we focus on exploration of a child’s human spirit. Nature plays a crucial role in spiritual development and health. After all– to state the obvious– it’s our natural habitat. We are wired for it. Children need to spend time in nature– even city kids need the parks.

From nature, children…

  • gain a certain perspective unattainable from any other source
  • acquire neuroconnections key to brain function

Nature advances a web of life perspective

ecosystemOne of Alexander von Humboldt’s most important discoveries was that nature is a web of life. He found Earth to be one great living organism and a place where everything is connected. Humboldt wrote, “no single fact can be considered in isolation.”

He was the first to recognize the forest as an ecosystem. As such, he predicted devastating consequences of despoiling the face of the earth.  However, though he was captivated by empirical data, he never lost his sense of wonder. He wrote that, “nature must be experienced through feeling.”

How do the children in your life “feel” nature’s web of life?
  • Relationally – through a connection with their pet(s), tending vegetables in a garden, nurturing a potted plant
  • Powerfully – awe and wonder of nature as far bigger than all of us, through astronomy, IMAX nature movies
  • Creatively – inspiration for poetry, photography
  • Experientially – sitting at the side of a lake listening to the water lap against the shore

Connections with nature build neuroconnections in the child’s brain.

From Dr. Becky Bailey’s work on Conscious Discipline, I learned more about how a child’s connections on the outside build neuroconnections on the inside. When relating to people, these outside connections come from eye contact, touch and presence.

PIC00009.JPGWhen relating to nature, one woman describes an insight gained from sitting in a forest:

Your colleagues or supervisor at work won’t allow you to pursue your ideas. Then, you notice that a tree looks like it was initially growing in one direction, but something got in the way and now it’s growing—and thriving—in another. It’s as if the tree is saying, “Grow where you can! Send your energy to where you will be nurtured!”

A sense of peace envelops you as you lay down a fruitless struggle. Then a new creative space emerges as a more helpful question dawns on you: “Where can I grow?” (Kris Abrams)

Many great writers, thinkers, scientists, and poets have reflected extensively on nature:

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.  (Albert Einstein)

Nature holds the key to our aesthetic, intellectual, cognitive and even spiritual satisfaction.  (E. O. Wilson)

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately…and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  (Henry David Thoreau)

Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher.  (William Wordsworth)

Children learn all living things can be our teacher.

Happy Earth Day!

Tweetable:

  • #EarthDay2016: Connections in nature build neuroconnections in a child’s brain. Click to Tweet
  • #EarthDay2016: From nature, children gain a certain perspective unattainable from any other source. Click to Tweet

 

To kids you mirror a higher power: scary or exciting?

To kids you mirror a higher power: scary or exciting?

Like it or not, a child’s caregivers mirror God’s character in the child’s eyes. No doubt you’ve been part of conversations like this:

My 3-year-old  asked me something–I’ve forgotten the exact question–but it was something I didn’t know the answer to. So I told him, ‘Hunter, I don’t know the answer to that question.’

As if he hadn’t heard me, he asked the same question again. Again I said, ‘I told you already; Daddy doesn’t know the answer to that question.’

‘Yes you do, Daddy,’ he said with confidence, ‘you know everything! Now tell me the answer!’

Obviously it sorts itself out  and children grow to grasp the reality that my parents are only human.

Yet a spiritual component remains in effect.

father comforts daughterThe way caregivers express their values and emotions “wires” the child’s brain for the way children will perceive their higher power.

As a father held his crying little daughter in his arms, one of his statements to her was, “God knows we are sad when we lose something we like, but he promises to hold us just like I’m holding you right now.”

A mother of two explains how she understands the mirror image.

Let’s say Sally is crying because she has scraped her knee.  An empathetic parent would come to her aid asking how she is doing rather than curtly telling her to stop crying like a baby.  This child feels understood and connected, and the universe makes sense to her.

Author Curt Thompson states, “This mindful approach to the emotional state of a child literally prepares a template at a neurological level that enables the child to grow into an awareness of a God who also cares about his or her joys, hurts, fears and mistakes.”

The child ultimately is able to envision God as responsible and trustworthy and that the world is safe, despite the apparent contradictions.

When you consider this idea, do you feel increased frustration or increased hope?

Tweetable: The way caregivers express their values and emotions “wires” the child’s brain for the way children will perceive God. Click to Tweet

 

5 overlooked ways your spiritual responsiveness furthers a child’s

5 overlooked ways your spiritual responsiveness furthers a child’s

Children think about God. They like to talk about God. Each person experiences God in a different way, and some not much at all. Some adults consider it a private matter, hesitating to speak of it even with the children we love most. It can be difficult for kids to learn responsiveness to God if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy.

father and son walk-2

How many of these statements are true of you?

  1. I pray in front of the child.
  2. I give concrete examples of when I have seen God at work in or around me, and how I responded to seeing that.
  3. I worship and highly esteem God, even more than I worship success, entertainment, money, or other people.
  4. Sometimes I start a conversation with the child: “I see God in that person. Do you want to know how?”
  5. When I see a stranger doing a random act of kindness I point it out to the child.

Consider each idea in turn, from the list above.

  • In which have you already engaged with specific children? What was their response?
  • Is there one you want to try? With which children?
  • Remember, you have the option to adapt the ideas to fit with your understanding of God, if necessary.

When you read the example below, in what specific ways do you see the mother modeling and teaching responsiveness to God?

pros and cons listWhen I was making a difficult decision about whether to take a particular job in another state, I intentionally decided to let my 9-year-old son in on my process. I told him about the opportunity and we made a Pros and Cons list, but we didn’t stop there.

I told him I wanted to pray to God about what God would want me to do. I asked my son if he would also pray and listen for whatever God might be telling him, especially since this decision affected him, too.

We prayed and talked together over the course of a few weeks, and eventually came to the same conclusion. This new job would provide many more opportunities for me to help people were were sick and in need. (I am in the medical field.)

There was nothing crucial to keep us in the location where we were. Even though the money would be less, we both felt released by God to move so that I could take this new opportunity.

Tweetable: It can be difficult for kids to learn spiritual responsiveness if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy. Click to Tweet

The spiritual component in authentic relationships

The spiritual component in authentic relationships

When adults try to help children relate to others authentically, we generally promote qualities like patience, forgiveness, honesty, love, etc.  These come to us by way of our human spirit. Strong spiritual awareness can figure prominently into our ability to form healthy relationships.

authentic relationships

We become the live action video.

To help children develop these qualities means we must model them ourselves.We become the live action video– the indelible image of how to form authentic relationships.

To what degree have you practiced behaviors like these with the important children in your life?

  1. The child observes occasions when my actions and words respect persons different from me, allowing us to engage in dialogue about how to treat people with respect.
  2. Since people offend me at times, and the child knows about it, I am open about my ups and downs on the road to forgiveness and reconciliation.
  3. I model and encourage time for social gatherings, including spiritual or religious services.
  4. The child sees me listen to someone’s spiritual journey without injecting my own opinion.
  5. I encourage the child to find trusted adults besides me with whom they can talk about life and God.

 You will adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition.

Remember that in some cases you may need to adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition, the qualities you value, and even your culture. For example, in #1 above, different people might reconcile “treat people with respect” with “standing up for oneself” in different ways. Here’s one mother’s experience:

My 7-year-old daughter Sophie came home one day very upset because her best friend Mariah said something insensitive about her height.

Sophie was very short for her age, and sensitive about it. Mariah, who was tall for her age, had no understanding that someone might be sensitive about her height.

I called Mariah’s mom and explained the situation. Both of us wanted to teach our daughters how to work through conflict productively.

We set up a meeting time for Sophie to share how she felt, for Mariah to hear, understand it, and apologize, and for Sophie to accept the apology and restore the relationship.

Both girls were afraid, as neither liked conflict, but they worked through the process as we coached them.

friends elem on dockThe result was a restored friendship, rather than the growing distance that occurs when hurt feelings go unaddressed.

Our family was later able to talk about that experience of recognizing when you have done something wrong, then asking for and receiving forgiveness, in the context of our Catholic tradition.

Tweetable:  To what degree are you modeling authentic relationships for the important children in your life? Click to Tweet

 

 

 

 

Convey God’s love in response to a child’s questions

Convey God’s love in response to a child’s questions

parkI’m not the first one to notice the earnest way children talk about and ask about God. They are curious. After all, they can hear about God almost every day. On the playground, at the park, at the zoo, basically anywhere people are talking:    Oh my God.    Oh God, no!    Goddammit!    I swear to God….

They are curious about this. Children want to talk about and ask about God.

Who is God? Why can’t I see God? Where does God live and is his mom there? How old is God? Is God a person? Was God born from an Easter egg?

Notice these two children who expected and responded to a God who cares, nourishes and feeds. It’s their natural instinct:

boy kitten“When my pet cat died I wanted to know where my cat went, why she couldn’t come back, etc. I was completely satisfied with my parents’ answers of ‘She went to heaven; God is watching over her now.’ That’s when I realized there was some other higher being out there. I felt peace. I remember it distinctly. It was peace knowing that there was someone watching and caring for us that we couldn’t see or touch, but they were out there.”

kindergarten girl pigtails“Around age four I was hungry to read stories from a large Reader’s Digest Bible Story Book that my Mom had ordered. We didn’t go to church so these stories were completely new to me. I was amazed and was so drawn by the stories read to me by my Mom and sister.”

We nurture the human spirit when, in responding to questions and comments about God, we convey God’s love, affection, warmth and tenderness for the child, despite any reservations of our own we may have. 

Tweetable:

  • Two different parents respond to their child’s natural instinct to ask questions about God. Click to Tweet
  • Parents should respond positively to kids’ questions about God despite their own reservations. Click to Tweet
Blog Anniversary #2: Hope burns brightly

Blog Anniversary #2: Hope burns brightly

“It took me years to figure out what my kids aren’t getting, so I could go out and get it.”

Disappointment hung on these words: because of a lack of knowledge; for the difficulty of facing down what’s fragile in life; for the uncertainty around what really matters in the end.

hopeIn the same breath, hope burns brightly.

This parent went out and got it—decided what investments to make in the child and took steps to make it happen.

The legacy I want to leave through this blog is connected to this parent’s statement.

I want every reader to discover your unique role and responsibilities within the spiritual development of the important children in your life and to achieve it with excellence.

With the five minutes of your time each week it takes to read Child-Centered Spirituality…..

….I challenge you to reflect, evaluate and act now. I ask questions like, “How can I promote a fulfilling, meaningful life for this child?” “How should I respond to the hard questions?” “How do I engage with children about the wrongs I have done?” “What will I leave behind as a legacy?”

shadow parent child381861_1172I try to increase your awareness of what children are and are not getting from you.

I do this by giving ideas for forming new habits of engagement with children, rather than just letting life happen to you in the same old way.

In the weeks following my mother’s death in August, an insight dawned: My parents equipped me fully to live without them. I have everything I need for life.

How did they do this? Not perfectly by any external standard. But they did it perfectly for me. I have been able to fill in the missing parts, learned from the hardships and joys of life.  It hasn’t been all good but all things have worked together for good in my life.

Standing on this foundation, I write each week.

In addition, several talented people collaborate with me in the writing and distribution of the blog. Tara Miller edits and contributes ideas. Alisha Ule assists with social media. Annette Schalk does the German translation. Ryan Schultz provides technical support.

thanksThanks to all of my readers on this 2nd anniversary of the Child-centered Spirituality blog!

Your Likes, Shares and Comments lift my spirit, and for the most frequent of these, I say a special thanks to Bob L, Richard M, Patricia G, Laura L, Aloyce L, Megan R, Michelle U,  and Shan S.

Tweetable: A blog where you actually get practical ideas so that kids get from you what they need for spiritual development. Click to Tweet