My Christmas-Hanukkah story

hanukkah celebration“Who can tell us what Hanukkah means?” asked Ms. Simon my third-grade teacher one long ago December day. My hand shot up eagerly and I started into the story of how Judah Maccabee led a revolt against the Syrians. I continued with descriptions of the dreidel game and the nine candles on a menorah. She was impressed enough by my knowledge of the holiday that she mentioned it to my mother at the next parent-teacher conference. That’s when Ms. Simon admitted her astonishment that we are not a Jewish family.

A seed planted: Respect

During the four years we lived in that Los Angeles neighborhood, I assimilated both Jewish and Christian traditions into my childhood spirituality. You know how kids are: I thought this was something every family did. For me, it wasn’t a matter of learning to respectRespect for a different tradition was the norm in my home so I did it.

A seed planted:  Find the common denominator

Hanukkah-Christmas candles In my teen years my mother, a gifted teacher and storyteller, decided to offer a holiday program to area churches which were planning a December social event for their members. Her theme was common ground. I remember only five points in her outline — significance of light in both holidays, back stories, gift-giving, use of traditional foods, for instance, latkes or eggnog, and music.

My guitar and I went along to these popular events to entertain. But more was going on in my spiritual formation during these Christmas-Hanukkah programs. I caught the importance of a focus on how we are alike rather than different, though our theological differences are not insignificant.

Seeds sprout into Child-Centered Spirituality

It was a natural outgrowth of my upbringing to envision a book for families of any religion or no religion. In it, my coauthor Tara Miller and I pass along practical ideas and suggestions to assist family members in the spiritual development of their children to the same degree that grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents encourage emotional, social, intellectual, physical development.

Childhood spiritual development is occurring for the children you love during this 2018 holiday season. What part do you want to have in facilitating it?

Tweetable: My parents’ choice to celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas planted a valuable seed of respect in me. Read the positive effects here. Click to Tweet

 

Why I finish holiday preparations early–try it.

By now, family members are accustomed to me asking for holiday Wish Lists or kids’ current clothing sizes in October.  Why am I making preparations so early?

Sure, I get online and order before the Sold Out box shows up and I’ve reduced the stress level I caused myself with the “Help!–I need more hours in my day” cry.

But it’s nothing like that.

With preparations done, I’m free to carry a message of grace and love to the vast number of people who need it in December.

preparations decoratingDone with our personal preparations, we can look, listen and respond to others who feel things like this:

  • “The problem with all the Christian holiday displays is that…others feel alien in comparison. We’re the other Americans, the hyphened Americans. I love the multi-culturalism of our nation, the myriad ethnicities and histories. Let’s really celebrate it.” (Shahar Lubin)
  • “I don’t mind the pageantry of Christmas….As long as my views [as a skeptic] are respected and the fact that I don’t attend church regularly doesn’t make me a lesser person in [a Christian’s] eyes, I’m perfectly fine.” (Ryan Johnson)
  • “And worst of all, the endlessly expanding extravagance of gifts and parties actually makes these days incredibly stressful for millions of people leading to higher depression and suicide rates. Christmas kills, if inadvertently so.” (Edward Clint)

Be present for your neighbor and for those you don’t know well.

Walk in the opposite spirit. I’m with EJ Dionne who said, “I find it decidedly un-Christian to insist on aggressively pushing Christmas greetings onto those who own religious commitments are different from mine.”

With a headstart on preparations, we can keep an open mind and an open calendar.

A special ed teacher, writing in O Magazine, tells of being on the receiving end of a boy who was paying attention.

“One year a boy in my 5th grade class lost his mother in a car accident…..At Christmastime he saw the other students giving me gifts, so he came in with a two-liter bottle of ginger ale. He said he looked around his house and wanted to get me something special, and he knew I liked soda. I cried.  

“Every year at this time, we are called to renew our hope that cold indifference and smug complacency can be overcome by a humble and gentle love powerful enough to inspire [us all].” (EJ Dionne)

Tweetable: Big rewards lie in store for people who make themselves buckle down and get holiday preparations done early. The reward I’m thinking of is not what you think. More here. Click to Tweet

Do Christmas with a different attitude

Christmas attitudeChristmas. The late journalist Harry Reasoner called it a “tremendous burst of gift buying, parties and near hysteria [done in the name of] a quiet event that Christians believe happened a long time ago.” Let’s be people who show kids how to do December with a different attitude.

Attitude #1: Be gracious

 If you are a non-Christian — Accept Christmas graciously.

Maybe you have personal history of your deeply held, non-Christian perspective/faith being trampled on by the majority. Perhaps they’ve been insensitive to you since childhood, but you can aim high and wish your fellow citizens all the joys to which their beliefs entitle them.

If you are a Christian —  Accept unbelief graciously.

Christmas attitudesSome Christians feel such a dramatic shock in their heart when others find the birth of Jesus to be irrelevant. You can become angry and lose the capacity to promote peace. Different people have different beliefs and you really can’t expect that everyone should share yours. Aim high and remember that different perspectives are okay.

Attitude #2: Remain composed

If you are a non-Christian —  Accept Christmas respectfully.

The Christmas story has a magnificent appeal, Jesus coming as a baby to show what God is like. Most people like babies–if God wanted to be loved, God moved correctly here. If God wanted to be intimate with humankind, God moved correctly, for the experiences of birth and familyhood are among the most intimate and precious experiences.* It just might be easier to remain composed when you focus on this perspective.

If you are a Christian — Accept unbelief respectfully.

The whole story that a virgin was selected by God to bear God’s son as a way of showing love and concern for humanity is not an idea that has been popular, even with some theologians. Remain composed by admitting that it is a somewhat illogical idea and God does not, and you ought not, force anyone to accept it. Instead, focus on loving people as Jesus did.

 Attitude #3: Cultivate and feed goodwill

How?  A lesson in these excerpts from the poem Anyway by Dr. Kent M. Keith

  • People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered. Forgive them anyway.
  • If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.
  • The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.

*I’m paraphrasing Harry Reasoner here.

Tweetable: Goodbye Christmas hysteria. Show kids how to do December with a different attitude. Click to Tweet
 


My new book, Child-centered Spirituality: Helping children develop their own spirituality, is now available on Amazon – just in time for the holidays!

Where did Grandma go when she died?

Why doesn’t God stop bad things from happening?

Many parents have experienced a child asking difficult spiritual questions– usually at inopportune moments. While we stumble around trying to think of an answer, we feel inadequate… and sometimes startled by their questions. If you’re like most adults, you try your hardest to avoid thinking much about questions like these. So why on earth is a child asking you about them?

We talk with our children about the importance of school work, about physical health, about how to navigate social difficulties. We even talk with them about sex, drugs, and internet safety… or if we don’t, we know we should.

So why do we find it so difficult to talk with children about God?

Whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, foster parent, or other caregiver, this is a book to help you engage with the children in your life about their spiritual needs.

Purchase your copy in paperback here.

If you prefer the Kindle version, you can purchase it here.

Children and their thrill in holiday giving

kwanzaRohatsu, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Christmas, Hanukkah, and Yule. Most of us have some big plans brewing to make happy December holidays for the kids we love.

What makes a holiday experience thrilling?

Its impact on the human spirit or soul.

Because the memories of  “giving experiences” remain vivid long after toys break or fade away.

Because, as Bono said, “love needs to find form, intimacy needs to be whispered. It’s actually logical. Essence has to manifest itself. Love has to become an action or something concrete.”

One family’s story:

When my daughter passed away at the age of 7 her brothers wanted to do something to help other children who are ill and stuck in the hospital or in bed at home, so we gathered books together and took them to the office of the Palliative care team that took such good care of my daughter and our family.

childrens-booksThis became what is now “Cheyenne’s Lending library” it is full of books and blankets, toys and craft items for kids and even parents who stay with their children. The idea is to take their mind off of their illness for a little while.

Each year we drop off new books on Cheyenne’s birthday and at Christmas. Sometimes in between. We have been doing this since 2004.

Plan ahead to make giving this season’s highlight.

When you do an Internet search you will find a range of giving opportunities that children can see and experience. And because the season is notoriously stressful, you may find the best ideas are low-key and low energy, such as:

  • dog-foodCheck with your local SPCA and purchase their approved items such as cat litter, cat food, and dog food. Obviously, the more engagement the children have in purchasing and delivering donations, the more memorable it will be for them.
  • Contact your local food bank for ideas of their needs.Take the kids with you to the store and let them pick out items from the list so it becomes the child’s achievement.
  • Ask a hospital for approval to have kids gather books and deliver them to the office.  A hospital in my city allows the children to see where in the hospital their donations will be used, enhancing their feeling of accomplishment.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” – Lao Tzu

 

Tweetable:

  • Looking for low-key, low energy ways for kids to give and do something good this season? Go here. Click to Tweet
  • Lao Tzu: “Kindness in giving creates love.” Show kids how to have fun giving this holiday season. Go here. Click to Tweet  

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Show children our common ground at Christmas

Affan Abdullah is a Muslim American. He doesn’t celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. He feels, however, that we can find basic common ground and beliefs, no matter our faith or non-faith.*  What is this common ground?

candlesWe offer each other holiday wishes, often along these lines:

  • A wish that we all will live up to the values the holidays represent, not just talk about them.
  • A wish that we will live into the spirit of the season, helping those who need it and sharing with others from whatever we have.

What is the spirit of Christmas?

  • elem-boy-drawingFor children old enough to recognize that difficulties, trouble and disappointments have entered their lives, Christmas offers hope. Tradition records that Jesus described humanity as filled with both the characteristics of God and with self-defeating tendencies. Christmas brings the hope that good will overcome the bad, and Jesus laid out his way of doing that.
  • The need for community and fellowship. Jan Sutton sees the weeks of festivities and reunions as a way to hold communities together. She points out that there is nothing religious about giving and generosity.*
  • Spiritual intensity. Marianne Williamson, herself a non-Christian offer this: “One doesn’t have to be a Christian to appreciate the fact that Jesus is a magnificent spiritual force. Jesus gives to Christmas its spiritual intensity, hidden behind all the… sounds of the season.”

“Because no words are as powerful as our human lives.” (Scott Korb)

We can respect the powerful life of Jesus as a figure of peace and authentic justice….. Jesus as someone who fed the poor and comforted the grieving. Christians remind themselves of the good work Jesus began and of his call to do them to do likewise.

Tweetable: Christmas brings hope to children and all of us that the good will overcome the bad. Click to Tweet

Children need to know there are so many ways spirituality fosters community, not division and strife. Click to Tweet

*USA Today, 12/21/14