Sep 3, 2018 | Direction
What is child-centered spirituality and why is it important? Here’s the short answer and a story from someone who is in the loop with it.
What is child-centered spirituality?
It is listening to and nurturing what is already inside a child’s soul. The way to encourage children’s innate longing for the divine is found in opening yourself up to their world, in asking them questions and answering theirs, in listening. It is about honoring the soul–the sacred space within them.
It’s serving more as guides, or even fellow journeyers, than we do as teachers. It is working on the assumption that spirituality already exists inside the heart of every child, and that God is already at work there. Maybe our role is just to help facilitate and develop what is already resident there.
Why is it important?
Children’s faith in God’s presence with them, in God’s goodness and care for them, can sustain the mental and emotional resiliency they need to live. It can provide perspective on life and death, eternity, guilt, grace, forgiveness. Children’s inner spiritual anchor can be a safe place to turn when life’s challenges come upon them. Older children will, as we all do, turn to something when they feel overwhelmed. Yesterday’s lead article in my local newspaper was, “Xanax abuse rising at schools.”
In the loop with Jay
I dove into teenage life for all it was worth. My energies and activities, my adventures, risks, and yes–faith meant I found a second home in faith communities independent of my family. I settled easily into the context of a church youth group and a Christian club at school.
My parents practiced child-centered spirituality. They recognized my need for adults outside the family who knew me well and I drank deeply from the water these adults provided. That I went on to become a high school English teacher was a natural extension of all I learned and eagerly wanted to offer others in those pivotal years.
Now with our own children, my wife and I take best practices from our parents and our own experiences that we hope will make a developmentally positive and enduring spiritual difference.
Tweetable: Get in the loop with childhood spirituality. The proven benefits of making peace with God should be encouragement enough to invest time and attention in their holistic development. Click to Tweet
Nov 20, 2017 | Direction
Spiritual development is indeed a journey. Dr. James Fowler’s well-reasoned book, Stages of Faith, gives valuable resources for adults responsible for the spiritual development of children. How and when does faith develop? What should we know about the developmental stages?
I cannot improve on Maxine Handelman’s summary of Dr. Fowler’s empirical research into the spiritual development of children, so I offer you the “best of” here:.
What is faith development?
“Faith development is about making meaning of life’s significant questions, adhering to this meaning, and acting it out in his or her life span.Faith is a common pursuit and quest of all individuals. Faith development theory provides a place for God and religious ways of being without mandating them.”
How and when does faith develop?
“Faith formation occurs in relation to others. It can be in relation to parents, church-temple-mosque, [sacred texts], school, friends or any group of people with whom one interacts. Just as one’s intellectual abilities, motor skills and social behaviors change over the life span, so does one’s faith. Views of God will not remain the same. Faith can be nurtured, strengthened and enhanced.
What should we know about the developmental stages of faith?
- Stage 0 (birth to 2 years) — Early learning about the safety of their environment (i.e. warm, safe and secure vs. hurt, neglect and abuse). If consistent nurture is experienced, the child will develop a sense of trust and safety about the universe and God.
- Stage 1 (ages 3-7) — Faith is learned mainly through experiences, stories (including holy texts), images, and the people with whom the child comes in contact.
- Stage 2 (mostly in school children) — Children have a strong belief in justice and reciprocity. They experience God as almost always personal, with characteristics such as goodness, mercy, care and love.
- Stage 3 (arising in adolescence) — Characterized by the development of a personal identity and conformity to their faith community.
- Stage 4 (usually late teens to late thirties) — A stage of angst and struggle. The individual takes personal responsibility for his or her beliefs and feelings. As one is able to reflect on one’s own beliefs, there is an openness to a new complexity of faith.
Awareness of the general passages of faith can provide an anchor as we look back at our own lives, and look ahead to what children have in store.
Tweetable: Awareness of the general passages of faith development can provide an anchor as we guide children in theirs. Click to Tweet
My new book, Child-centered Spirituality: Helping children develop their own spirituality, is now available on Amazon – just in time for the holidays!
Where did Grandma go when she died?
Why doesn’t God stop bad things from happening?
Many parents have experienced a child asking difficult spiritual questions– usually at inopportune moments. While we stumble around trying to think of an answer, we feel inadequate… and sometimes startled by their questions. If you’re like most adults, you try your hardest to avoid thinking much about questions like these. So why on earth is a child asking you about them?
We talk with our children about the importance of school work, about physical health, about how to navigate social difficulties. We even talk with them about sex, drugs, and internet safety… or if we don’t, we know we should.
So why do we find it so difficult to talk with children about God?
Whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, foster parent, or other caregiver, this is a book to help you engage with the children in your life about their spiritual needs.
Purchase your copy in paperback here.
If you prefer the Kindle version, you can purchase it here.
Aug 7, 2017 | Nurture
A child’s spiritual style is not the same as personality or character. Rather, it describes the way the child most naturally connects with God. Our aim here is to give adults some tools for leading children to discover and experience further growth in their faith in a way that connects to them most effectively.
Previously we discussed sensory style and rational style. Now we look at a third way children express their individual style.
The Bold Idealistic Style: A child thinks correctly about God through doctrines and truth.
Note the items below that apply to the children in your life to assess their inclination toward this style. .
- A theological system that reflects God’s truth helps the child in her spirituality.
- The child possesses unwavering belief that this theological system is correct.
- The accuracy of the child’s beliefs is of utmost importance.
- The child demonstrates a strong sense of justice.
- It is important to the child that his faith does not depend on emotion.
- The child feels close to God when she takes a stand for a cause even at great personal expense.
Discovery questions for bold idealistic children
If you notice four or more of the above characteristics, the child probably has a natural pattern of taking unwavering stands for his or her convictions. The following questions may be useful as you seek to help children mature in their style.
- How did you express your beliefs and convictions today?
- What attitude did you have?
- When is your anger triggered by an injustice?
- What kind of courage will you need to stand up for truth and justice?
- How do you defend the needs, worth and convictions of a person, an animal or a cause?
Adapted from Christian A. Schwarz, The 3 Colors of Your Spirituality.
Tweetable: Children with strong convictions can see their bold idealism influence even spiritual beliefs. Click to Tweet
Apr 24, 2017 | Direction
Many times, a personal story sheds a brighter light on the subject than moralizing. Rather than telling a child facing a question or decision what to do, telling them a story from your own life can be much more helpful. It helps them think creatively and gives them the confidence that they can come to their own solutions.
When children raise questions, our ideal response is to hear them out and invite more dialog. Lisa Miller uses something like: “You bring such important questions to the family;” or “When I was a child I wondered that, too. I am so happy you are sharing these thoughts with me.”
Consider what spiritual stories you can tell the children in your life.
A friend of mine (mother of three teens) who does this says, “It could be about a time you failed, a time you needed God, a time you doubted God, a time you were surprised by something you couldn’t explain, a time when you sensed God communicating something to you. And consider what beliefs of yours came out of these experiences.”
Questions to help adults remember our spiritual stories we can share with kids:
- What beliefs define your decision-making process?
- What do you believe about how you will relate to people? Strangers, enemies, wrongdoers, immediate family, etc.
- How do you relate to God?
- When have you had times of doubt when God felt very far away?
- What/who are your trusted sources that informed your spiritual progression, growth and wisdom?
- What gives your life purpose and meaning?
- How did you arrive at your present spiritual place?
Our spiritual stories don’t have to be noble or positive. The power comes from it being real and being yours.
Note: Some of the ideas for questions were inspired by Tom Rapsas on StoryCorps.
Tweetable:
- Tell kids your spiritual story. They’re still forming a moral compass and our experiences inspire. Click to Tweet
- Seven questions here that help adults remember our spiritual stories we can share with kids.
Feb 20, 2017 | Security
Regardless of our differences in religion, language or ideas, there is no heart that is without an inner divine reference. And each family seems to have a unique impression about when, how and if God makes known his thoughts and feelings toward them, often referred to as blessings. What impressions about God’s blessing are you imparting to the children in your family?
From one of my interviews about spirituality emerged this family’s image of a God who does not bless, but forgets, entire groups of people.
As a young child, if I questioned my family about God or spiritual things, it was often tossed aside as unimportant and not for people like us, that is, those who God forgets.
My grandmother considered our family in the group of those God forgets because we didn’t go to church and there was just too much disaster and brokenness in our lives.
A second family presents a God whose nature is to bless.
Our parental blessing was invested with a certain higher power, intended for the good of our children.
May God bless you and guard you.
May God show you favor and be gracious to you.
May God show you kindness and grant you peace.
To this day, the blessing is prized highly by the children. The value of the benediction repeatedly spoken by the father and mother represents the working of forces that make for righteousness, and the continuity of the Jewish spirit.*
Adult family members can invoke God’s blessing, in their own words and style:
- Bob Dylan’s parental blessing in song: “May God bless and keep you always….. …May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you,
May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong.
May you stay forever young…..”*
- “God, may the people in my life never be left wondering if they are of value to you or to me. Help me to bless them with my words and my actions. Remind me not to leave my words to chance but use them to protect, encourage and renew.” (my prayer)
- “When inspired, I bless my son noting milestones in his life from the past week and anything else that moves me about my relationship with him. There are no specific formulations to these personal prayers, just simple sentiments like, ‘May you continue to approach the smallest discoveries in life with wonder and joy’ or ‘May I continue to learn how to be the best mother to you.’ (Dasee Berkowitz)
What do your blessings toward your children look like in your family?
*Jewish Encyclopedia: “Ethics of Judaism,” pt. ii., p. 213; Bob Dylan, “Forever Young.” Published by Lyrics © BOB DYLAN MUSIC CO
Tweetable:
- Regardless of our differences in religion or ideas no heart is without an inner divine reference. Click to Tweet
- Adult family members can invoke God’s blessing on kids in their own words and style. Some examples here. Click to Tweet
