More than bystanders: community transformation

More than bystanders: community transformation

no bystanders in school communityFor most young people, school and its related activities are the scene of almost all personal involvement with others. You might say that school is a community– the broader environment in which kids find themselves. They can not only have a good experience there, but they can take the initiative to make it a good experience for others.

3 ways students can facilitate positive change in their school community

  1. Approach and include students who are being excluded.
  2. Tell someone who’s bullying or using put-downs that it’s not cool; not something that’s okay here.
  3. Speak to a campus administrator if there’s word of a fight, or if someone has carried a weapon to school.  (Rick Phillips)

As more than bystanders — students can see specific results.

bystander helps studentA Sacramento-area high school administrator shares, “Two of our students engaged in a war of words on Twitter that led one to ponder suicide…. One of our… students intervened by supporting the victim, directing the attacker to stop, and getting help. The student is now getting support. This was a dangerous situation very possibly stopped because of some Safe School Ambassador [students] on our campus.” (Chris Smith in The Press-Democrat)

Care, speak up, right a wrong

Parents share some ideas here that worked for them when children came to them with community concerns.

  • Preschool – When the child sees classmates in distress, encourage hugs or words of comfort. Let them know that they can pass along to others whatever empathetic gestures you’ve been making toward them.
  • Early elementary –  As you listen to the child’s concerns about an injustice or putdown directed at a classmate, first mirror back what you see and hear. Identify your child’s underlying emotion: “You seem angry.”  And finally, move to brainstorming ideas for action: “If that happened to you, what would you want someone to do for you to comfort you?”
  • Older elementary – Talk about the difference between speaking up to get help for a friend in distress and tattling to get someone in trouble. Keep asking for help until someone responds. And always tell me so I can support you.

Tweetable: Safe ways for students to become more than bystanders when their classmates are in distress. Click to Tweet

God as a source of security for children

God as a source of security for children

At any given age children experience normal fears and anxieties. If a family becomes concerned about a child’s unusually high level of anxiety, plenty of psychological resources exist. But there is an additional, important resource to be found in anchoring children at their core—in their spirit.

We all need a place to take our troubles and fears.

For centuries the Bible has been a reliable source of wisdom and offers a powerful picture of what God is like. In one of it’s most meaningful, familiar passages, the 23rd Psalm, a fearful young man writes his prayer:

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

And much later in the book:  “Give all your worries and cares to God, for God cares about you.”

Laura Turner states, “The admonition not to fear is the most frequently repeated instruction in the Bible.”

What my parents did

At a very young age, my parents gave me the following  words, recorded in Genesis, spoken by God to Jacob: “I am with you and will keep you in all places.” They explained that nothing could separate me from the love of God, even when harm came to me.

“People have choices,” they said, “and some people hurt others, but when bad things happen to you, God is right there with you. God understands, and you will never be alone.”

Time and time again, these words–God is with me and will keep me in all places–comforted, reassured and built my sense of security not dependent upon my circumstances.

Security–a most valuable gift

Through the dangers, disappointments and losses of my life, God remains a steady presence in the depths of my spirit. I speak of this to the children I love so that they can develop a sense of security rooted in the presence of God and of people who love them.

Note: Bible quotes are Psalm 23:4, Genesis 28:15, 1 Peter 5:7

Tweetable:  How my parents instilled a sense of security deep in my spirit that continues to this day. Click to Tweet

Sightings of God’s care deepen children’s security

Sightings of God’s care deepen children’s security

Phil Jackson, former NBA player and current general manager of the New York Knicks wrote: “To my father, there were certain mysteries you could only understand with the heart, and intellectualizing about them was a waste of time. He accepted God on faith and lived his life accordingly. This was an important [childhood] lesson for me.”

While there’s trouble and suffering in the universe, it is friendly…

…and we can see evidence of God’s presence countless times every day.

If you want to foster a a child’s sense of security, consider sharing this perspective: God’s intention is for all human beings to live in community with God and then with each another. Our human frailties, not God’s, increase the selfishness and suffering in the world. God is trustworthy.

Help children identify sightings of God’s care

1. The rainbow

On the very day I signed divorce papers, I saw a rainbow in the clearing skies above our condominium  (a rare occurrence in Southern California). With my kids in the back seat, I pointed it out. One of my sons said, “Dad, God is near us and we are going to be okay.”

2. God’s “hand” on my face

One mother told her children how her father would tuck her into bed at night and place his hand on her face, soothing her to sleep. She continued, “Now when I can’t get to sleep, I pray and ask God to lay his fatherly hand on my face, and I am able to sleep.”

3. A kind stranger

While shopping with her children,  Heather made it to the check-out a bit frazzled. Back at the car her kids piled in, every grocery bag loaded, she slammed the door shut–when she realized she left her wallet in the store. She got out and started unbuckling her children when she saw a man running over to her:

“The cashier let me run this out to you,” he explained.  During the ride home, she and her children talked about how the man left his own grocery cart and delayed his day to show kindness to people he didn’t even know.  And how they could see God in that man’s actions.

Have fun hunting for sightings of God’s activity with children, in–

  • People’s kindness to strangers
  • Coincidences
  • Mysteries
  • Unexplained events

Tweetable: Sharing God’s intention for the universe may foster a child’s sense of security. And what is that? Click to Tweet

 

Routines build security in the human spirit

Routines build security in the human spirit

Young children are creatures of routine. As much as they may love the occasional adventure, they feel safer knowing they can fall back into their familiar patterns.

See how this father creates a sense of security by making predictable routines for his son’s life:



“I have been actively guiding and setting boundaries with my little one and I know it takes a lot of practice and consistent monitoring. Generally, he will cry for a moment but then want me to comfort him. Before long he runs off to the next project. It is nice to see that he recovers so quickly. When I keep him and those around him (our dog) safe he does have a good time and laughs a lot.”

The human spirit develops a sense of safety in a similar way.

Basic building blocks of spirituality are

  1. a healthy sense of oneself as a human being and unique individual
  2. attending to things of eternal significance

Giving children your undivided attention when issues of self-image, conscience or character show up in your interactions with them will help them develop an inner sense of safety.

The beautiful part is that children with a deep sense of safety– physically, emotionally, and spiritually– give themselves the freedom to explore, risk and discover.

Routines that contribute to growth in their human spirit

Ages 12-36 months

  • Name the child’s emotions: When your bath is finished, you feel happy.
  • Respond as quickly as possible when the child indicates a need like reaching for a book.
  • Fold hands before meals to establish a routine of gratitude.

Ages 3-6 years

  • When possible, make snacks and meals at the same time every day, building security around “having enough.”.
  • Encourage the child to stay at the table for the duration of the meal for social interaction.

Tweetable::

  • Keep developing your young child’s inner sense of security with these practical ideas for 18 mo – 6 yrs. Click to Tweet
  • Routines here can give young children a sense of safety allowing freedom to explore, risk and discover. Click to Tweet

 

Emotional & spiritual intelligence: “My dad shows me how”

Emotional & spiritual intelligence: “My dad shows me how”

One dad has been laying a spiritual foundation for his children based upon the truth about their higher power, as they understand it–God knows you, loves you and cares about you.

emotionsThis dad shares his approach to helping his children know that they are known by God and loved by God. Notice how precisely his actions display the character of their higher power, combining emotional intelligence and spiritual intelligence.

I make time when my kids want to discuss or emote on any part of their life.

father-daughterI am creating space to be with them in what they are feeling and thinking. They can express what they’re experiencing and I don’t correct them. Sometimes I have to let go of what I think their outcome should be. Yet I am there to help them navigate out.

However, I also come to them when I am frustrated.

I’ve said out loud that it is hard for me not to get angry or that I’m probably not thinking clearly right now.  Without burdening them with inappropriate adult details, I want to show them my emotional state, and how they can recognize their emotional state in what I am saying about mine.

In our interactions, I hope that my children are experiencing what they believe is true about their higher power:

There is a safety in coming to me with anything they feel or think. They won’t be corrected in how they feel. Because I make time and space to listen, I know my children, and I accept the fact that we have our differences, all the time loving and providing for them.

disagreement

I am proud of their freedom to disagree intensely with people, be in direct conflict with people, but not feel personal offense and intense relational separation from them. They have the comfort of knowing that they are loved by God and us and they can love and respect those with whom they disagree.

How willing are you to share your internal world–including your upsets–with the children in your life?

Tweetable: Can adults display the character or nature of a child’s higher power? This dad gives it a try. Click to Tweet