Becoming aware of self-talk

Jul 18, 2016 | Nurture

child upside down standing on head 2Whether it’s “I’m the stupidest kid in my whole math class” or “Okay, I can do this,”   we’re familiar with the collection of messages children play in their heads. Self-talk is everything a child believes to be true ….

  • …. about the way things work in the world
  • …. about themselves in relationship to the world
  • …. about a higher power, and that being’s impact on their lives

Self-talk statements usually go unchallenged

Self-talk messages are powerful because kids believe them to be true and consequently, act as if they are true. However, their interpretations can be wrong, causing them to accept as truth conclusions that are actually myths.

For years, I’ve been teaching this in support groups for children, using curriculum by Linda Sibley, who has given permission to share these solutions. I’ve seen firsthand how they work.

Over the next several weeks we will dig into our role in helping children challenge their developing self-talk so they learn to evaluate whether what they are saying to themselves is accurate. Conversation starters and games will give you moments to build on in the years to come.

But first, reflect on your own self-talk as you respond to your life experiences.

father and baby (2)You may want to increase self-awareness by answering some of following questions as they relate to your growing-up years:

  1. What were the verbal messages given to you? (take care of yourself; you’re clumsy; you can do no wrong; get lost)
  2. Was it okay to be good in some school subjects, but not in others?
  3. Were you teased by your peers for anything?
  4. Were you part of the in-crowd – or the out-crowd?
  5. What did you learn from media about money, violence and sex and the part they play in life?
  6. Did you measure yourself by rich, famous or beautiful people?
  7. Was your church or temple accepting and empowering? Judgmental and strict?
  8. Were you ever shamed, embarrassed or put down by clergy or a self-proclaimed religious person?

What wisdom did you gain from the above life lessons and personal experiences?  How did you learn to change your negative self-talk to positive?

Tweetable:

  • Kids believe self-talk is true causing them to accept as truth conclusions that are actually myths. Click to Tweet
  • You can do something to quiet the negative, critical voice in a child’s inner speech. Click to Tweet

 

Wondering when to join a faith community?

Nov 16, 2015 | trust

pg15-4 kids playgroundA milestone occurs when children enter school and their relationship pool increases and deepens. They look for ways to connect with others and with God in new ways.

In grade school, you are still the one they most want to hear from about spirituality and the one they most watch to learn what it looks like to live with spirituality as part of daily life.

But now they act in a way that reveals their need to widen the circle to include their friends’ families and a faith community.

boy kidFor some parents this seems like the right time to affiliate with a religion or faith community.

Community involvement has to do with how a child practices their spirituality, as expressed through various beliefs, practices and rituals. It is an attractive option for millions of families for addressing the longing in children’s hearts for spiritual understanding.

A faith community links up with a child’s needs for attachment and for trust.

It moves them forward to explore the other relational issue of importance to them: how a connection forms between God and a person. One woman remembers when she began to look for this connection:

teen plays guitarJust because I was raised in a home in which God was never talked about, doesn’t mean that I never thought about God.

It is true that this influenced me to think that God was not a relevant part of how I go about living my life. And true that being raised in a home where relationship was deeply stunted influenced me to feel that God is distant, even non-existent.

However, these ideas about God being not relevant, non-existent or distant did not form a foundational belief in my core, even though my upbringing should have prescribed it.

There was nothing in my childhood experience to form in me a belief that God is relevant, real or near, but deep down inside these are precisely the attitudes that were rooted in my core, and even helped me to dig out of the relational laziness or isolation that I could have resigned myself to.

A faith Community is an attractive option for millions of families for addressing the longing in children’s hearts for spiritual understanding.

Tweetable: When is a good time to get my family involved in a faith community? Look here for a few thoughts about it. Click to Tweet