Kids revisit family photos and learn

family photos storyFamily photos reveal much about us and the people who shaped our early years. Why not take time with your children to learn something new from them? Dig a little deeper into scenes from previous generations. With photos on the screen before you, or with photo album in hand, here are a few ideas.

Conversation starters

  • Vocabulary words associated with family religious ceremonies (for example, kaddish, sanctification); and words that are no longer used by your family, and why.
  • Words of wisdom: favorite expressions or words to live by used by people in the photo.
  • Holiday decorations used in the photo and what they symbolize.
  • Event pictured in the photo that triggered a change of heart or changed the relationship between people.

Have fun!

Wisdom is power, but how to convince kids?

wisdom of motherA neighbor of mine shared his mother’s words of wisdom in our local paper. It got me thinking about how I’m passing along wisdom to the children in my life.

My neighbor’s (partial) list

  1. You don’t dress to impress. You dress to show your respect to others.
  2. Life’s not fair. Get over it and move on.
  3. Don’t let your career find you. Find what you were made to do.
  4. Knowledge comes from school. Maturity sometimes comes with age. Wisdom comes from the Bible.
  5. Something worth doing is seldom easy.
  6. Your logic can be perfect, but your facts could be wrong.

Obviously these are not the only words of wisdom that my neighbor lives by, but he’s found a way to frame life by a series of sayings leading to a satisfying life.

There’s power in wisdom

We want the kids we love to end up knowing how to judge rightly and follow the soundest course of action. We teach by example, springing from our:

wisdom of teenWait for a kid’s “hmm” or moment of silence

I usually know when I’ve made connection with a child. Typically it’s followed by a few second of silence as they process a new thought.  Sometimes they look off into the distance for a moment. We can leave an even deeper impression when we make eye contact or touch their shoulder or arm as we’re speaking. I learned from Becky Bailey that “connections on the outside with others build neuro-connections on the inside.”

Wisdom is what I hope to impart to kids

When we open our ears and eyes to what kids are feeling, acting out on and thinking about, we build on their life experiences and their perceptions of the world. Our power lies in asking follow-up questions or making 10-words-or-less observations about what they’ve shared. This promotes wisdom in them, a legacy I find worth leaving.

Tweetable; Each day, so much information comes to us and the kids we love. Check out the benefits that Wisdom has to offer. Knowledge is necessary, but search for Wisdom like a treasure.  Read more. Click to Tweet

 

 

 

 

The blessing of undivided attention

I’ve never been good at multi-tasking. It’s not that I didn’t try. I tried for years.  I just can’t hold my thoughts together when I’m working on multiple projects at once. It’s always been this way, so it’s not just because I’m getting older. I admit being jealous of people who have bookmarks in several books right now, digital or otherwise.  To keep plot lines in context? Not a chance.

Suddenly an inability to divide attention is a hot commodity.

To listen with full attention is in demand.  Personal devices, certainly good and necessary, are perhaps the most common enemy of our desire to give all our attention to what our loved one has to say.  To be emotionally present with others communicates their importance.

As we finish this series of blog posts on the topic of blessing children, we will now focus on making an active commitment to giving them our undivided attention.

What we can do to develop their spirit

Look for opportunities to talk with them and find out what is going on in their minds. Ask good questions that allow them to respond however they want. Help them sort through their dreams, opinions, wishes, and just generally be available.  Be honest with them about your own thoughts and goals. Integrate their faith and morals when it is natural to do so.

Author Gary Smalley wrote about spiritual growth, “Our purpose in listening with full attention is to be able to take what children share and weave it into words and stories that teach new truths and communicate not only a blessing, but also principles for living.”

Expect to pay a price

From his own experience with his three children, Gary found that his commitment to bless them meant:

  • Hard work–to provide a blessing to each child
  • Time—to meaningfully touch and hug them
  • Courage—to put into a spoken message the words of love that have been on the tip of my tongue
  • Wisdom and boldness—to highly value them
  • Creativity—to picture a future for them filled with hope and with God’s best for their lives

Yet we also get a blessing from the joy we feel at seeing a child’s life bloom and grow because of our commitment to them.  It is in the giving that we receive.

Ways to bless children right now

  • Let the child wear something of yours (a necklace, a baseball cap) during dinner because you trust the child can handle it.
  • Ask, “What would it take for this to be a great weekend for you?” and try to see that it happens.
  • Learn a new age-appropriate joke and tell them.
  • Make their favorite dinner on a day other than their birthday.

Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas here are taken from the book, The Blessing.

Tweetable: When you commit yourself to give undivided attention to kids more often, expect to pay a price. Click to Tweet

4 ideas to bless kids with your undivided attention beyond making eye contact and listening. Find them here. Click to Tweet

Becoming aware of self-talk

child upside down standing on head 2Whether it’s “I’m the stupidest kid in my whole math class” or “Okay, I can do this,”   we’re familiar with the collection of messages children play in their heads. Self-talk is everything a child believes to be true ….

  • …. about the way things work in the world
  • …. about themselves in relationship to the world
  • …. about a higher power, and that being’s impact on their lives

Self-talk statements usually go unchallenged

Self-talk messages are powerful because kids believe them to be true and consequently, act as if they are true. However, their interpretations can be wrong, causing them to accept as truth conclusions that are actually myths.

For years, I’ve been teaching this in support groups for children, using curriculum by Linda Sibley, who has given permission to share these solutions. I’ve seen firsthand how they work.

Over the next several weeks we will dig into our role in helping children challenge their developing self-talk so they learn to evaluate whether what they are saying to themselves is accurate. Conversation starters and games will give you moments to build on in the years to come.

But first, reflect on your own self-talk as you respond to your life experiences.

father and baby (2)You may want to increase self-awareness by answering some of following questions as they relate to your growing-up years:

  1. What were the verbal messages given to you? (take care of yourself; you’re clumsy; you can do no wrong; get lost)
  2. Was it okay to be good in some school subjects, but not in others?
  3. Were you teased by your peers for anything?
  4. Were you part of the in-crowd – or the out-crowd?
  5. What did you learn from media about money, violence and sex and the part they play in life?
  6. Did you measure yourself by rich, famous or beautiful people?
  7. Was your church or temple accepting and empowering? Judgmental and strict?
  8. Were you ever shamed, embarrassed or put down by clergy or a self-proclaimed religious person?

What wisdom did you gain from the above life lessons and personal experiences?  How did you learn to change your negative self-talk to positive?

Tweetable:

  • Kids believe self-talk is true causing them to accept as truth conclusions that are actually myths. Click to Tweet
  • You can do something to quiet the negative, critical voice in a child’s inner speech. Click to Tweet

 

The wisdom of Solomon

teen groupTeens are by nature idealistic thinkers who desire meaning and purpose. They have begun looking around to see what others think and then to evaluate those ideas.

What does TV and popular culture tell us is the main goal of life? What do parents tell us is the main goal of life? What does their church-mosque-temple-etc. tell them is the main goal of life?

Most often, messages about purpose and meaning are not directly stated.

For instance, no TV show or movie I’m aware of says, “The main goal of life is romantic love.” But many make that statement indirectly.

Parents may say all manner of things, and their actions may or may not back up those stated beliefs: “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Saying one thing but meaning something else

Likewise, religious organizations may state one thing but indirectly communicate another. For example, the Westminster catechism (a common creed in Protestant circles) says, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” Yet a church that subscribes to this confession of faith may inadvertently communicate that the main purpose of life is to live a certain lifestyle by a certain set of rules.

Whether mixed messages come from religious institutions, parents, or popular culture, teens are adept at picking up on them quickly.

King Solomon’s great experiment

625038_65468311 older girl readingTry this reading assignment: You and a teen in your life agree to read the book of Ecclesiastes. Taken from ancient sacred writings, it records King Solomon’s great experiment to find meaning in life.

He tried riches, sexual gratification, great projects, education, and other routes to see what activities bring meaning and purpose in this life and what is meaningless—what Solomon calls “a chasing after the wind.”

It’s not a long reading assignment and can lead to some great discussions.

Tweetable: King Solomon’s great experiment to find meaning in life can lead to some great discussions with teens. Click to Tweet