One thing that will ruin your child’s life

If there is one thing that will ruin children’s lives, it’s greed. Teach them how to pull the plug on greed and you will have prepared them to thrive in the real world. –Mary Hunt

Mary Hunt, the “Everyday Cheapskate” offers timely advice, condensed here, on one aspect of character development.

Greed is the feeling of desire, of wanting everything you can think of.

Greed is like a very bad disease. It starts small and if allowed to grow it will take over your life. Greed will make you miserable. It causes temper tantrums and makes people self-centered and arrogant. It is very sneaky.

Children know that twinge of envy when their best friend shows a new phone. Or says really loud at lunch that Dad is buying a new car for their graduation gift. Multiply that feeling by 10 and you’ll have a good idea of what full-blown greed feels like. It is not good.

Greed is hazardous to their futures.

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The problem with greed is that it drives us to do things that are hazardous to our futures. Greed says it is OK to have everything we want now and to figure out how to pay for it later. Greed is something every child has to deal with and the sooner you can show a child how to defeat that enemy the better off and happier the child will be.

The antidote for greed is to be thankful for what you already have.

You prove your gratitude when you are willing to give away part of your resources. Everyone, no matter how young or how poor, has time, talent and possessions.

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When children give to others it helps them to be grateful for what they have.

  • Help a younger child to read.
  • Visit senior citizens at a care facility.
  • Clean up and bring toys you don’t play with to a shelter or hospital.
  • Regularly give part of your allowance to a charitable or religious organization.

If you want to make sure your children are never defeated by greed, show them how to be givers.

Tweetable: Greed is like a very bad disease.If allowed to grow it will take. Here’s an antidote for your kids. Click to Tweet

Character is built on high heels

Conscience, reason, character and more. All part of a child’s human spirit–ready for us to explore and cultivate with them.

Where are you seeing growth and change in the children you love?  How are you helping to make it possible?

A story from my own childhood comes to mind as I reflect upon these questions. Last week I recognized one way my mother did this for me. It was last week when the doctor  questioned me about my foot pain: “Do you wear pointy shoes or did you used to?”

I thought about my pointy shoes and those long-ago piano lessons

 

When I was 8 or 9, my piano teacher participated in NFSM and all her piano students had a yearly audition, a non-competitive adjudication. We were judged on individual merit in the areas of accuracy, continuity, phrasing, dynamics, rhythm, interpretation, style and technique. That meant four years of daily piano practice.

After going many tearful rounds with me about skipping out on practicing

my mother thought of a game-changer. We went to the thrift store and got dress-up clothes, including beautiful satin high heels. My father sawed off the heels so drastically that they were only slightly higher than my sneakers. But they were stunningly pointed.

640787_49155367 Hollywood Bowl

After school, for at least one year, I got all dressed up, made dramatic entrances into the living room, walked across the Hollywood Bowl stage and, to deafening applause, began to play Czerny. Frequently I stood to bow before the adoring crowd of furniture.

With one small idea, my mother kept me in the game

so that fruits of character had a chance to ripen. In those four years I grew in diligence, reliability, consistency, and the wherewithal to push through when I don’t feel like it.

Tweetable: Does your child complain constantly about practicing a musical instrument?  Try this idea. Click to Tweet

Healthy guilt: Oxymoron or worthy goal?

Guilt is generally a negative term. It’s a feeling heaped on us by others that makes us feel bad and decreases our emotional health. Some of us also heap guilt upon ourselves. It weighs us down.

 

Is there ever a place for guilt?

Is it ever helpful? I would say yes– and I might consider renaming it “conscience” or “healthy guilt” when it comes from the internal guidance system inside us as opposed to being heaped on us from others.

A working moral compass makes children stronger

606051_56047834 upset girl

As children get older, their conscience is what bothers them when they have done something wrong. Often it prompts them to right a wrong, make amends, or apologize… all of which promote personal and social health.

There’s a place for sadness over what we have done

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When a criminal has been convicted, we watch to see if they feel remorse– sadness for what they have done. That is guilt… a healthy response to one’s own wrongdoing. When someone feels no guilt for obvious and severe wrongdoing, society considers them a sociopath.

How can we help children develop an internal moral compass– a conscience– but without the negative baggage that guilt brings? How can we help them not just have a change of actions, but a change of heart?

I welcome ideas from readers as I am thinking through this issue.

 

Tweetable:
Is there such a thing as healthy guilt? Is there ever a place for guilt in childhood? Click to Tweet

Character built on high heels

Character, conscience, reason, and more–they’re all here to explore within the human spirit. A story from my own childhood about character  comes to mind.

Last week, the doctor questioned me about my foot pain: “Do you wear pointy shoes or did you used to?” and I thought about my pointy shoes and those long-ago piano lessons.

When I was 8 or 9, my piano teacher participated in NFSM and all her piano students had a yearly audition, a non-competitive adjudication. We were judged on individual merit in the areas of accuracy, continuity, phrasing, dynamics, rhythm, interpretation, style and technique.

playing pianoThat meant four years of daily piano practice. After going many tearful rounds with me about skipping out on it, my mother thought of a game-changer. We went to the thrift store and got dress-up clothes, including beautiful satin high heels. My father sawed off the heels so drastically that they were only slightly higher than my sneakers. But they were stunningly pointed.

After school, for at least one year, I got all dressed up, made dramatic entrances into the living room, walked across the Hollywood Bowl stage and, to deafening applause, began to play Czerny. Frequently I stood to bow before the adoring crowd of furniture.

With one small idea, my mother kept me in the game so that fruits of character had a chance to ripen. In those four years I grew in diligence, reliability, consistency, and the wherewithal to push through when I don’t feel like it. Where are you seeing mental, spiritual and emotional development evolving all at once in the children you love?