7th Anniversary and final blog

final blogSeven years ago, the Child-Centered Spirituality website launched based upon the premise that a child’s spiritual development is as important as physical, emotional, intellectual, and social development.

Regular blog posts served as a vehicle for best practices and stories supporting that premise. The posts led to a book. The book led to a workshop. Now, this final blog.

With appreciation

  1. Tara Miller, coauthor of Child-Centered Spirituality, edited the posts and offered suggestions for six years. She’s been a guest blogger on occasion.
  2. Alisha Ule provided social media support. She contributed art ideas, created the posters for quotations and more.
  3. Michelle Coe steered the book launch, designed the book cover and redesigned the website.
  4. Annette Schalk did the German translations for four years.
  5. Readers gave ideas for discussion through their questions and comments.

My reflections: People of faith who taught & coached me

I am certain that the rewards of beginning one’s spiritual journey in childhood are profound and plentiful. I am certain that wise adults who are good listeners matter to a child’s quality of spiritual life. As someone who had these adults in my childhood–and throughout my adult life–I can attest to the rewards that millions of people reap from living their life with God. Personally, I became a disciple of Jesus but I appreciate the broad reach that child-centered spirituality has enjoyed with families of all faiths.

My reflections: Rewarded with quality of life

  • A greater balance of mind, body, emotions and spirit produces a sense of well-being.
  • Increased awareness of God’s presence within and in the world around reduces fear and anxiety.
  • An attachment bond with God brings belonging and meaning.

Be blessed

May you be blessed with an abundant life anchored in the reality of who and what is Truth. Look for God’s presence in your everyday life. You’ll be surprised by how great is God’s love and how often God attempts to make you aware of his interest in you (and all God’s children) each day. May you find ways to make a difference in the lives of other people. Make it a top priority to support wholeheartedly the spiritual development of the children you love. Grace and peace to you. Amen.

 

 

 

 

Teach “thank you.” Ideas to improve kids’ skill.

thank you wordThe simple act of saying “Thank you” can dramatically impact people’s impression of you. It’s an important skill to teach children.

A teenage girl was recently asked to babysit for a family. Her response? “Sure. Those were the only kids at the party who said ‘thank you’ when I handed out treats. They’re really polite.” (And this from a 15-year-old who was too shy to say thank you when she was 5 and really had to work at it!)

Even if children feel gratitude, they don’t automatically know to say thank you.

They need to be taught… and they need to see the same thing modeled by the important adults in their lives.

thank you for giftsIn four minutes or less, you can increase a child’s social skills level. After all, to move grateful feelings into creative expression is a skill… and skills take practice. The holidays are an ideal time to practice, with their added occasions to acknowledge hospitality and gifts.

In 4 minutes or less:

  1. Say thank you in person when you see them the next time. (Program a Reminder for yourself when you know that children are going to see the giver so that you can coach them on what to say.)
  2. Phone call
  3. Take a picture of the child using or wearing the gift and send to the giver’s smartphone with a few words of thanks attached.
  4. Template – Provide samples for a written Thank You but be wary of imposing your standards.
  5. Post card  – Very fast when combined with a template

5-10 minutes:

  1. Video clip and text to the giver
  2. Acrostic of Thanks or Thank You
  3. Craft supplies – One dad said, “My favorite was one for my son’s friends who gave him art supplies, which he used to draw a panda on the thank you card, accompanied by ‘p.s. I drew a panda.’ ”
  4. Written note with template provided – and if you address the envelope, this drops to 4 minutes or less.
  5. Round robin – One card, paper or video in which the whole family adds their part   

10-20 minutes:

  1. Written note
  2. Food  – especially for hospitality (granola, gourmet spices)
  3. Paper chain – each family member writes on a link

Know your individual family members or friends:

  • One mom says, “It’s funny how in some families it’s no big deal but for others not sending a thank you note is the equivalent of saying, ‘We didn’t give a damn about your gift!’”
  • “What are you doing? You sent me a thank you card? We are sisters!” she said in an outraged tone. “Save that for the cousins. If you start sending them to me, I have to send them to you and it all gets out of control.”

Help your child make a good impression by insisting they learn various ways to say Thank You.

Parents ask: When should we join a faith community?

faith community classA milestone occurs when children enter school and their relationship pool increases and deepens. They look for ways to connect with others and with God in new ways.

In grade school, you are still the one they most want to hear from about spirituality and the one they most watch to learn what it looks like to live with faith as part of daily life.

But now they act in a way that reveals their need to widen the circle to include their friends’ families and a faith community.

For some parents this seems like the right time to affiliate with a religion or faith community.

Community involvement has to do with how children practice their spirituality, as expressed through various beliefs, practices and rituals. It is an attractive option for millions of families for addressing the longing in children’s hearts for spiritual understanding.

A faith community links up with a child’s needs for attachment and for trust.

It moves them forward to explore the other relational issue of importance to them: how a connection forms between God and a person.

One woman remembers when she looked for this.

“Just because I was raised in a home in which God was never talked about, doesn’t mean that I never thought about God.

It is true that this influenced me to think that God was not a relevant part of how I go about living my life. And true that being raised in a home where relationship was deeply stunted influenced me to feel that God is distant, even non-existent.

However, these ideas about God being not relevant, non-existent or distant did not form a foundational belief in my core, even though my upbringing should have prescribed it. Deep down inside I had formed a belief that God is real. When I was in middle school, this belief helped me to dig out of my spiritual isolation and ask my parents’ permission to go with my friend to her church. The youth group addressed the longing in my heart for spiritual understanding.'”

A faith community is an attractive option for millions of families for addressing the longing in their children’s hearts for spiritual understanding.

 

Understand this for better spiritual interactions with kids

spiritual interactions about GodChildren believe in what they cannot see. They seek God. “It’s like there’s a homing device in each of my children,” a mother told me, “God looking to connect with my child as my child looks for God.” When we talk to a child early about God there is an automatic responsiveness.

By contrast, some adults have had negative experiences.

Religion was drilled into us and we want to avoid doing that to others. Some of us feel that spirituality is deeply personal, so children should find their own way. Some of us have no firsthand experience with God and don’t really know what to say. I would argue that…….

…..It is far better to tell children about God, even if you have doubts of your own.

Something simple, like: You can’t see God but he can see you, and he loves you. He is very good and he wants you to have a good life. He hears you when you talk to him. That is called prayer.

Understand that a child’s vantage point is different, like in photography.

A mother describes the morning her daughter held the camera, moving through the house clicking at everything she saw.

“Can you show them back to me now?” She holds the camera out to me. Her arm around my neck, we scroll through her photos on the glowing screen.

Frame of a table. A doorknob. A bookshelf skewed on a tilt. Yet her photos surprise, every single one. Why? It takes me a moment to make sense of it.

It’s the vantage point. At 36 inches, her angle is unfamiliar to me and utterly captivating–the ceiling arches like a dome, her bed a floating barge. The stairs plunge like a gorge. She’s Alice in Wonderland, all the world grown Everest-like around and above her.”  (Ann Voskamp)

Emphasize what God thinks of the child.

  • C.S. Lewis advocated that the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us–this relentlessly pursuing love, so bold.
  • Describe God’s nature. This blog’s Resource page has a resource page of what I tell children about God. What can you say about God?

 

Pros and cons for telling kids about our past

pros and cons of sharingAsk yourself 5 questions as you weigh the pros and cons of what you tell your kids about your past. Author David Sheff (Beautiful Boy) writes, “It has to do with the relationship you have with your kids, and how open are they going to be with you, and how involved in their lives you are to perceive the struggles they’re having below the surface.”

  1. Is my child very likely to hear about my past from another source? If family members, friends or neighbors know about your past, there is a good chance your child will eventually hear about it too. Is it important that they hear it from you?
  2. Is there an uncomfortable secrecy in my family?  Will your children feel empowered within your family from knowing what the others know? Will the initial upset they feel upon hearing it be less than the damaging effects of hiding secrets?
  3. Am I clear about my motives for doing this? Children respect parents who are honest with them, but you have the right to your privacy. If you don’t want to reopen old wounds, don’t feel obligated to do so. Will you be sharing from a place of free choice, self-imposed pressure, or outward compulsion?
  4. Have I made peace with myself [and my God] about my actions?  “There are shameful things that parents feel, and they have to come to terms with that first,” says clinical social worker Eileen Bond. “Shame should not contaminate their response. And that requires reflection.” When making peace with past experiences, many people turn to a counselor, clergy person, chaplain, support group, or spiritual director. What are your resources for reflecting and processing toward a place of greater peace before discussing it with your children?
  5. Is my child judging and criticizing others? Older children are insightful enough to know you have things you aren’t proud of. How will your honesty make you more believable and approachable? What will be the reward for self-disclosure?

One mom was watching a talk show with her 12-year-old daughter and the topic of abortion came up.“ Those women must be awful,” my daughter said scornfully. “How could anyone kill a baby like that?”

At that moment, I knew that I wanted to tell my daughter about my own past. I offered a silent prayer, then burst into my story. “Those women aren’t necessarily awful,” I began. “Sometimes they’re simply trapped. I had an abortion when I was a teenager. I was young and scared, and I thought abortion was my only option.

My daughter was crushed. “She cried like a baby about my past. I felt terrible, but I knew I was right to tell her and I believe she won’t go on being judgmental toward women who’ve had abortions.”