Sep 19, 2018 | Direction
Robert Logan, guest blogger, shares a conversation he had when we were foster parents.
One highlight I remember from my time as a foster parent was a particular conversation– brief but meaningful. Heather (not her real name, and not pictured here) was a 14-year-old girl and had been with us for less than a year. One evening we were having dinner and I was chatting with her about her schoolwork (which was not good).
Here’s my reason…
She said, “The reason I’m failing Spanish is because I don’t like the attitude of my teacher.” It was one excuse after another. Things weren’t fair. The teacher had it in for her. And so on.
I responded in a soft voice, “You know, Heather, you’ve had a lot of hard things happen to you. I’m sure you haven’t told us everything, but what you have said is bad enough. No kid should have to deal with that. But at some point in your life, you’re going to have to stop blaming everyone else for your problems.”
She responded with a flare of anger: “I’m not blaming everyone else for all my problems!” I paused, then in a soft voice, quietly said: “Well, you just told me all of the reasons you’re failing Spanish. This happened because of that. I don’t know what you call that, but I call that blaming.” She was really angry, and shortly after that our conversation ended. It was the single longest focused conversation we’d ever managed to have– probably five minutes all together.
And here’s my apology…
While I was driving her to youth group that night, Heather apologized for the first and only time… for being “such a brat.” Perhaps this was a turning point in taking responsibility.
Although we lost track of her over the years, she did graduate high school, got a job, and had a boyfriend who respected her. Teens are at such a crossroads in deciding how to shape their own values and the choices they will make… regardless of the choices other important people in their lives have made– or not made– for them.
Tweetable: It doesn’t happen frequently, but once in a lifetime, a single conversation can make a difference in someone’s life. A foster parents talks about the only one he ever had–here.
Click to Tweet
Sep 19, 2018 | Direction
Robert Logan, guest blogger, shares a conversation he had when we were foster parents.
One highlight I remember from my time as a foster parent was a particular conversation– brief but meaningful. Heather (not her real name, and not pictured here) was a 14-year-old girl and had been with us for less than a year. One evening we were having dinner and I was chatting with her about her schoolwork (which was not good).
She said, “The reason I’m failing Spanish is because I don’t like the attitude of my teacher.” It was one excuse after another. Things weren’t fair. The teacher had it in for her. And so on.
I responded in a soft voice, “You know, Heather, you’ve had a lot of hard things happen to you. I’m sure you haven’t told us everything, but what you have said is bad enough. No kid should have to deal with that. But at some point in your life, you’re going to have to stop blaming everyone else for your problems.”
She responded with a flare of anger: “I’m not blaming everyone else for all my problems!” I paused, then in a soft voice, quietly said: “Well, you just told me all of the reasons you’re failing Spanish. This happened because of that. I don’t know what you call that, but I call that blaming.” She was really angry, and shortly after that our conversation ended. It was the single longest focused conversation we’d ever managed to have– probably five minutes all together.
While I was driving her to youth group that night, Heather apologized for the first and only time… for being “such a brat.” Perhaps this was a turning point in taking responsibility.
Although we lost track of her over the years, she did graduate high school, got a job, and had a boyfriend who respected her. Teens are at such a crossroads in deciding how to shape their own values and the choices they will make… regardless of the choices other important people in their lives have made– or not made– for them.
Tweetable: It doesn’t happen frequently, but once in a lifetime, a single conversation can make a difference in someone’s life. A foster parents talks about the only one he ever had–here. Click to Tweet
Sep 3, 2018 | Direction
What is child-centered spirituality and why is it important? Here’s the short answer and a story from someone who is in the loop with it.
What is child-centered spirituality?
It is listening to and nurturing what is already inside a child’s soul. The way to encourage children’s innate longing for the divine is found in opening yourself up to their world, in asking them questions and answering theirs, in listening. It is about honoring the soul–the sacred space within them.
It’s serving more as guides, or even fellow journeyers, than we do as teachers. It is working on the assumption that spirituality already exists inside the heart of every child, and that God is already at work there. Maybe our role is just to help facilitate and develop what is already resident there.
Why is it important?
Children’s faith in God’s presence with them, in God’s goodness and care for them, can sustain the mental and emotional resiliency they need to live. It can provide perspective on life and death, eternity, guilt, grace, forgiveness. Children’s inner spiritual anchor can be a safe place to turn when life’s challenges come upon them. Older children will, as we all do, turn to something when they feel overwhelmed. Yesterday’s lead article in my local newspaper was, “Xanax abuse rising at schools.”
In the loop with Jay
I dove into teenage life for all it was worth. My energies and activities, my adventures, risks, and yes–faith meant I found a second home in faith communities independent of my family. I settled easily into the context of a church youth group and a Christian club at school.
My parents practiced child-centered spirituality. They recognized my need for adults outside the family who knew me well and I drank deeply from the water these adults provided. That I went on to become a high school English teacher was a natural extension of all I learned and eagerly wanted to offer others in those pivotal years.
Now with our own children, my wife and I take best practices from our parents and our own experiences that we hope will make a developmentally positive and enduring spiritual difference.
Tweetable: Get in the loop with childhood spirituality. The proven benefits of making peace with God should be encouragement enough to invest time and attention in their holistic development. Click to Tweet
