Engage with children in ways that reflect God’s heart

God's heart for childAn acquaintance of mine, a preschool teacher, describes a time when she saw God’s heart reflected in a child’s actions.

“One of the children in my class became upset and started to cry. Her classmate, Miguel, immediately stopped what he was doing, grabbed a tissue and literally wiped her eyes. He then sat next to her and comforted her. Miguel is filled with a deep sense of compassion and justice. I praised Miguel for that compassion and for caring for his friend.”

God's heart toward sadness1) See experiences through the child’s eyes.

Miguel’s empathy reflected God’s heart toward his friend. He had understanding and insight into his friend’s thoughts and feelings. He took action to comfort her.

Empathy is not an easy skill to use, especially for those who were raised to minimize feelings, or skip over feelings and go right to changing or fixing them. When we practice empathy we communicate to children that we care.

2) Respond with empathy to reflect God’s heart of love toward children:

  • That hurts, doesn’t it?
  • I’m so sorry.
  • Good for you! You did it!
  • I remember feeling that way when I was a child–it’s exciting, isn’t it?
  • It’s scary to feel all alone.

3) Support the child’s bond with God and God’s bond with the child.

Obviously bonding requires presence. Mere information about someone does not make a strong bond. We reflect God’s heart toward children when we support God’s bond with the child.  This is difficult because we’re dealing with a Higher Power who is invisible. But when you are with the child, it is also easy to find God’s presence.

  1. God's heart in natureLook for kind acts and loving gestures wherever you go. Why? Because that’s where God is making an appearance. Develop a family habit to point out the good, not the stupid or rude.
  2. Notice and verbalize signs of God’s love: in nature, in movies, music, children’s literature, in happy surprises.
  3. Focus on God’s nurturing, comforting, gentle presence in difficult times and give God the benefit of the doubt.

Tweetable: Understand & support a child’s bond with God even when you don’t have one, or don’t have the same kind. Click to Tweet

A change of pace

change of paceStarting next week, new blog posts will go out every two weeks, rather than weekly. My focus is being pulled in many directions right now. Because. . . .

The pace of life speeds up

Personally, I am still adjusting my weekly schedule around a new job at a Hilton hotel property in Sonoma County’s (CA) wine country. I began teaching life skills at a transitional living house for single homeless women and children in Marin County. And I’m putting the final touches on the Child-Centered Spirituality book. There’s a lot to be done yet before publication.

The pace of publication

The book cover looks amazing. I’m thrilled with the graphic concept, which will be repeated inside through call-out boxes. The final edit work is almost ready to be sent over for formatting.

I’m downright excited at the thought of getting this book out into the world! If all goes as planned, it will be available November 1 on Amazon.  Perfect for holiday gift-giving!

If you want to be the first to know when it’s ready for pre-order, be sure to pop over to the Home page and sign up. You will receive a complimentary PDF: Why Childhood Spirituality Matters.

The proper focus can change our pace

Adele  1988
Everything I do, in every channel of my life, is part of a legacy that I’m making for my child. For my children, if I have more. I’m not motivated by much, certainly not money – but I’m motivated by that.

Eberhard Arnold  1883 -1935
Every child is a thought in the mind of God, and our task is to recognize this thought and help it toward completion.

Tweetable: Child-Centered Spirituality’s blog posting changes from weekly to every 2 weeks now. Check us out. Click to Tweet 


Sympathy and prayer–kids can see the connection

Our foster daughter Angie had the most sympathy of any person I’ve ever known. At age 14, her spontaneous, heartfelt expressions of sadness for someone else’s misfortune far surpassed my own.

man needs sympathy Angie and I had occasion to drive through some hardscrabble neighborhoods in Los Angeles County. From time to time we would see a man lying on the sidewalk and she would say out loud with great feeling, “Oh! Poor thing!”

Angie’s sympathy moved her to pray for hurting people.

Sometimes I’d ask her, “What is your prayer for this person?” Other times, Angie would say, “We should pray for that man,” and say a short prayer out loud (integrated right into our conversation) about her hope that he finds food today or a better place to sleep.

Prayer fosters a sense of security.

praying girl moved to sympathyIn his book Love in a Fearful Land, Henri Nouwen writes, “Prayer is the way to both the heart of God and the heart of the world.” Prayer is a word that describes a relationship.

Praise children for being willing to pray. They will sometimes pray things that you know are unrealistic or inappropriate. It is up to us to teach them a different way so that they gain trust in God’s goodness and sidestep the disillusionment (which sometimes lasts a lifetime) that God didn’t answer the prayer — God doesn’t care — God doesn’t even exist.

Prayer helps a child be calmer.

Prayer can be one action children take when they feel sympathy for strangers. Perhaps they see something like a car accident firsthand or hear upsetting national or world news. When you allow them to make a loving and prayerful response, you are helping the child be calmer. And reflect back to the child his or her admirable intention that some good comes to the stranger(s).

Tweetable:     Allowing kids to make a prayerful response to upsetting events helps them be calmer. Click to Tweet

More than bystanders: community transformation

no bystanders in school communityFor most young people, school and its related activities are the scene of almost all personal involvement with others. You might say that school is a community– the broader environment in which kids find themselves. They can not only have a good experience there, but they can take the initiative to make it a good experience for others.

3 ways students can facilitate positive change in their school community

  1. Approach and include students who are being excluded.
  2. Tell someone who’s bullying or using put-downs that it’s not cool; not something that’s okay here.
  3. Speak to a campus administrator if there’s word of a fight, or if someone has carried a weapon to school.  (Rick Phillips)

As more than bystanders — students can see specific results.

bystander helps studentA Sacramento-area high school administrator shares, “Two of our students engaged in a war of words on Twitter that led one to ponder suicide…. One of our… students intervened by supporting the victim, directing the attacker to stop, and getting help. The student is now getting support. This was a dangerous situation very possibly stopped because of some Safe School Ambassador [students] on our campus.” (Chris Smith in The Press-Democrat)

Care, speak up, right a wrong

Parents share some ideas here that worked for them when children came to them with community concerns.

  • Preschool – When the child sees classmates in distress, encourage hugs or words of comfort. Let them know that they can pass along to others whatever empathetic gestures you’ve been making toward them.
  • Early elementary –  As you listen to the child’s concerns about an injustice or putdown directed at a classmate, first mirror back what you see and hear. Identify your child’s underlying emotion: “You seem angry.”  And finally, move to brainstorming ideas for action: “If that happened to you, what would you want someone to do for you to comfort you?”
  • Older elementary – Talk about the difference between speaking up to get help for a friend in distress and tattling to get someone in trouble. Keep asking for help until someone responds. And always tell me so I can support you.

Tweetable: Safe ways for students to become more than bystanders when their classmates are in distress. Click to Tweet