“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” (Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize 1952). Can’t we all think of occasions when we have seen the truth of this in our own lives? As a result, we should seize any opportunity to include children in service to others.
Service means sacrifice.
True service costs you something. That “something” could be time, money or social capital. When we truly serve others, it costs us. Children instinctively know this. Help them count the cost.
See how this girl sacrificed social capital.
My friend’s 8-year-old daughter was talking about a girl in her class who kept trying to hang out with her and her group of friends, but no one liked her and no one wanted to include her. My friend told her this story:
When I was in 5th grade, we had a girl named Cora who was new to the school. She came from a poor family, wore old sweatsuits to school and sometimes smelled bad. She seemed sad and lonely.
The kids would tease her in ways that–looking back now–were really mean. I didn’t join in on the teasing, but I wasn’t particularly friendly either.
One day, I was chosen to be one of the team captains for a Spelling Bee. Back in those days, the captains would take turns choosing people for their team until no one was left. Cora was always chosen last, no matter what the teams were for.
I decided today would be different. I chose Cora first, even before my best friend. I still remember the look of surprise and delight on her face as she jumped up to join my team.
Even now, in my 40s, that’s one of my proudest moments.
Consider ways you can show children how to take initial steps toward outward service.
I help the child learn to recognize when people are calling for love or help. From time to time I ask, “Who do we know who needs a blessing today?”
I use my childhood stories of standing up for what was right to encourage the child to walk away from doing wrong, even when friends do not.
I encourage the child to be involved with ecology–preserving and restoring the earth.
The child sees me perform spiritual activities (meditation, service to others).
When the child talks about those in distress (animals, the planet, people), I find non-profit organizations that alleviate the suffering and encourage the child to join or help.
Which have you tried in the past? What could you try this week? with which child?
Tweetables:
Consider these ways you can show children how to take initial steps toward service to others. Click to Tweet
True service to others costs something: time, money, social capital. Teach children to count the cost. Click to Tweet
If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know the spiritual development of a child begins and ends with the choices of the child. We cannot (and should not try to) force a child into a particular belief or spiritual practice.
Yet we can walk beside them to provide support their their journey of discovery. They want trusted adults to act as sounding boards and coaches as they work out their spiritual questions and ideas.
Specifically, what is the adult’s role?
In this next series of blog entries, you can browse 8 different components or categories within human spirituality and select ways to engage with the important children in your life.We will look at one each week for the next eight weeks.
8 Components of Spirituality
Personal transformation
Authentic relationships
Generous living
Spiritual responsiveness
Sacrificial service
Guiding others
Community transformation
Experiencing God
For each of these general areas we’ll provide lists, specific examples, and ideas you can take and use to strengthen the child’s human spirit. You decide which are best for you.
Cull our lists.
Recognize you may need to adapt certain items to fit well with your spiritual tradition or beliefs. For example, if sacred writings are mentioned, which ones do you mean? Or if showing hospitality or caring for the earth aren’t values or important parts of your tradition, are there other values you substitute for them?
Above all, remember never to force.
The adult’s role is to model, initiate conversations, and provide resources and opportunities. The adult’s role is not force or indoctrination.
Take your time.
Spiritual development takes a lifetime and cannot be crammed. Be careful not to push kids where they’re not ready. A checklist of ideas is not something you can go through in a month or a year.
Chart your path forward.
Focus more mindfully on spiritual development now and your decisions can improve the child’s future.
Tweetable: New series directs adults to the priority moral values a child needs for spiritual proficiency. Click to Tweet
I’m not the first one to notice the earnest way children talk about and ask about God. They are curious. After all, they can hear about God almost every day. On the playground, at the park, at the zoo, basically anywhere people are talking: Oh my God. Oh God, no! Goddammit! I swear to God….
They are curious about this. Children want to talk about and ask about God.
Who is God? Why can’t I see God? Where does God live and is his mom there? How old is God? Is God a person? Was God born from an Easter egg?
Notice these two children who expected and responded to a God who cares, nourishes and feeds. It’s their natural instinct:
“When my pet cat died I wanted to know where my cat went, why she couldn’t come back, etc. I was completely satisfied with my parents’ answers of ‘She went to heaven; God is watching over her now.’ That’s when I realized there was some other higher being out there. I felt peace. I remember it distinctly. It was peace knowing that there was someone watching and caring for us that we couldn’t see or touch, but they were out there.”
“Around age four I was hungry to read stories from a large Reader’s Digest Bible Story Book that my Mom had ordered. We didn’t go to church so these stories were completely new to me. I was amazed and was so drawn by the stories read to me by my Mom and sister.”
We nurture the human spirit when, in responding to questions and comments about God, we convey God’s love, affection, warmth and tenderness for the child, despite any reservations of our own we may have.
Tweetable:
Two different parents respond to their child’s natural instinct to ask questions about God. Click to Tweet
Parents should respond positively to kids’ questions about God despite their own reservations. Click to Tweet
Physicist Charles Townes’ (pictured here) laser invention changed science and society, also bringing him the 1964 Nobel Prize. His reflections about his own lifebrought about my suggested resources (below) for gifted children who seek answers to the big questions.
Resource #1: Brainy people who will explore the child’s philosophical questions
Within your network of friends, find retired persons, intellectuals, and brilliant thinkers who are challenged by the big questions: what is the aim, purpose and meaning of this universe? Of our lives? See whether the child connects with any of these people and feels free to discuss deeper philosophical topics that are of interest to them.
Resource #2: Wisdom literature
Gifted children try to explore anything, think about everything, and ask lots of questions. Wisdom literature provides a foundational structure for the child’s evolving values and beliefs. A spiritual leader from your faith tradition can recommend books and may be willing to discuss them with the child. As Townes said, “Science seeks to discern the laws and order of our universe, including human life; religion, to understand the universe’s purpose and meaning, and how humankind fits into both.”
Resource #3: Volunteer work
Gifted youngsters are usually taught that there’s some purpose they will try to accomplish in their lives. But that’s very localized–what they want to do with their life. Be a person in their world who broadens their perspective. Volunteer work can often teach the gifted and talented child how to contribute to the well-being of others. It also helps them practice nurture and develop empathy for others: animals, family, neighbors, the environment… depending on the type of volunteer work chosen.
Resource #4: Regular conversation
Intellectually gifted children often have a higher capacity for deep conversation. When talking with a gifted child, ask broader questions about humanity: “What are human beings about in general? What is this universe all about? Where do brand-new ideas come from? To what extent does God help us?” You’ll probably be amazed at the answers you get as you help children broaden their thinking.
After Townes’ death in January 2015 at age 99…
…Michael Werner, project scientist for NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope and Paul Goldsmith, chief technologist for astronomy, physics and space technology at the Jet Propulsion Lab offered:
Townes was a teacher above all else….He was never too busy to talk with us, and he provides a dramatic counter-example to the cliche of the inaccessible professor. Townes’ legacy includes the many students he mentored, and it will be perpetuated as we pass on what we learned from him to future generations.
Let us also guide along the children in our lives, helping them explore issues of faith and meaning.
Tweetable: Gifted children often take an early interest in the big questions; four ideas here. Click to Tweet
Living in the moment–one of the foundations of Buddhism. Life is richer when we savor the taste and texture of our meal or lose ourselves in the excitement of a watching a big game.
After the moment is gone, it becomes The Past but it keeps giving us its richness.
The past offers many gifts. It….
shapes my personality
teaches cause-and-effect
contains all of my life lessons
generates infinite gratitude
empowers me
inspires me
produces family traditions and special rituals
is the way out of fear and anxiety
causes me to trust
I talk about the past with children because they deserve all of these gifts.
The past produces family traditions and special rituals.
Start a conversation with, “Remember when we….” and feel the bond of a shared experience. Sometimes these particular memories lead to a new family tradition. One girl was thrilled to be taken out for “English high tea” for her fifth birthday. After reflecting on it with fondness, she asked her mom, “Maybe we could make it a birthday tradition?”
The past causes a child to trust.
Any child would burst with confidence to hear you say: “You used to be such a great helper with your baby brother when you were little; now you are a great babysitter!” Trust increases when children realize that they are important enough to you that you notice their strengths and their growth.
The past contains all of the child’s life lessons.
Sometimes we tell kids stories that are likely to heighten their consciousness of a life lesson: “You didn’t know how to bike to school safely by yourself when you were little and now you do.”
Life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forward. Soren Kierkegaard
Note: When there’s significant pain in a child’s past, forgetting is a powerful defense mechanism. A child therapist can provide needed reinforcements to help children work through difficulties.
Tweetable: Live in the moment and after it is over, it becomes The Past and keeps giving us and our children its richness. Click to Tweet
The English class assignment was to write a five-paragraph essay about a personal hero. Adrian’s* hero is his grandmother–a friend of mine–who shared the essay. Notice how Adrian’s every point flows from his grandmother’s human spirit… and not a single point flows from material possessions.
“My grandmother will always be my personal hero and she has a lot more super powers than you could imagine.”
Superpower #1 Acts of courage
A hero is not just somebody who saves lives or flies. It is someone who makes a difference with acts of courage, love and positive influence. My grandmother will always be my personal hero because she never gives up on me and always tries to be a positive role model.
Superpower #2 Directs me towards a great future
Last week she told me “what you do today will decide what you do tomorrow.” At first I did not understand what she meant, but she explained it to me in a way I could understand it better. She said if I don’t study this week I will not be ready for the test at the end of the week. That made a lot more sense and I told her I hadn’t thought about that before. She just smiled and I know she only wants me to give thought and peace of mind to everything in my life.
Superpower #3 Never gives up on me
For example, over the past few years I have probably said or done something hurtful to my grandmother that I didn’t mean, but she never quit on me. She only encouraged me to make better decisions.
Sometimes I wanted her to quit on me because I quit on myself and she never did. I can honestly say that without my grandmother I would not be where I am today. She has pushed me in many ways to become a more responsible and respectful person and I am lucky to have her in my life.
Superpower #4 Works on her flaws
When I told her I was going to write an essay about her she blushed and said, “I don’t think of myself as a hero.” This statement only made me want to write the essay more because a hero is humble.
However my Grandma is human and has flaws, but in those flaws is her personality and like a hero she works on those flaws to become stronger and wiser.
*not his real name
Tweetable: No mention of possessions, fame or fortune in this boy’s essay about his personal hero–his grandmother.Click to tweet
“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” (Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize 1952). Can’t we all think of occasions when we have seen the truth of this in our own lives? As a result, we should seize any opportunity to include children in service to others.When I was in 5th grade, we had a girl named Cora who was new to the school. She came from a poor family, wore old sweatsuits to school and sometimes smelled bad. She seemed sad and lonely.
If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know the spiritual development of a child begins and ends with the choices of the child. We cannot (and should not try to) force a child into a particular belief or spiritual practice.
Specifically, what is the adult’s role?
Cull our lists.
I’m not the first one to notice the earnest way children talk about and ask about God. They are curious. After all, they can hear about God almost every day. On the playground, at the park, at the zoo, basically anywhere people are talking: Oh my God. Oh God, no! Goddammit! I swear to God….
“When my pet cat died I wanted to know where my cat went, why she couldn’t come back, etc. I was completely satisfied with my parents’ answers of ‘She went to heaven; God is watching over her now.’ That’s when I realized there was some other higher being out there. I felt peace. I remember it distinctly. It was peace knowing that there was someone watching and caring for us that we couldn’t see or touch, but they were out there.”
“Around age four I was hungry to read stories from a large Reader’s Digest Bible Story Book that my Mom had ordered. We didn’t go to church so these stories were completely new to me. I was amazed and was so drawn by the stories read to me by my Mom and sister.”
Physicist Charles Townes’ (pictured here) laser invention changed science and society, also bringing him the 1964 Nobel Prize. 
Within your network of friends, find retired persons, intellectuals, and brilliant thinkers who are challenged by the big questions: what is the aim, purpose and meaning of this universe? Of our lives? See whether the child connects with any of these people and feels free to discuss deeper philosophical topics that are of interest to them.
Living in the moment–one of the foundations of Buddhism. Life is richer when we savor the taste and texture of our meal or lose ourselves in the excitement of a watching a big game.
The past produces family traditions and special rituals.
The past causes a child to trust.
The English class assignment was to write a five-paragraph essay about a personal hero. Adrian’s* hero is his grandmother–a friend of mine–who shared the essay. Notice how Adrian’s every point flows from his grandmother’s human spirit… and not a single point flows from material possessions.