Small children (ages 2 and 3) have a strong desire to help and imitate adult work. With their limited verbal vocabulary, they express interest in the only way they are able.
The window of opportunity doesn’t last forever, and many adults miss it.
Some want to wait until the child is competent to do the dishes before letting them help. Will it take longer than if you did it yourself? Absolutely. You’ll definitely have to re-wash those dishes later when the child isn’t looking. Will they break something? Very likely, although you can pull out the breakables beforehand and let them wash pans and plasticware and spoons.Other adults miss the cues because the child is not asking to help, but when offered a rag and shown how to wipe dust off furniture, children participate with gusto.Toy manufacturers produce all kinds of household machinery, which make great gift ideas for relatives looking for something at birthday time.
The point isn’t getting the dishes done or the furniture clean.
It’s helping the child learn, gain confidence and find contentment in working independently.
It is another way that we nourish a child’s mental, physical and spiritual self all at once.
Tweetable: Toddlers gain confidence and find contentment when we let them work, though we have to re-do it later. Click To Tweet
I could be in this video. One of my grandfathers had Tourette’s Syndrome, the other grandfather had an undiagnosed movement disorder manifesting in physical and vocal tics. The onset of my tics was somewhere around age 5 or 6.
Other children would pull away from me, stare at me, laugh at me.
My lonely heart provoked me to try suppressing “the jerks,” as I called the jerky, persistent tics. Each new elementary school I entered (and there were 5 of them) brought new resolve to ignore the urges, quiet the sounds and hide the tics, to no avail. Finally, when I was ten years old, something happened and I don’t know what it was, but I was able to resist the urges. At first, I resisted only at school but gave in to them at home. Then, even the urges quieted and the struggle faded into the background of my life.
Partly as a result of this experience, I am mindful of how adversity has a profound impact on our life purpose.
I experienced adversity through ridicule and shunning for five of my early years. Therefore, I (unconsciously) made it my mission to find as many ways to connect as a little girl ever could. And I succeeded. Years ago, I did a Strengthsfinder assessment and my Number One strength is Connectedness.
I find meaning in life by building bridges.
In Child-Centered Spirituality, Connectedness appears in my desire to guide adults as they assist children in integrating all the “parts” of themselves–spirit, body, mind, emotions. In order to do that I draw upon the wisdom of many because I need other people. There’s a lot I don’t know.
Connectedness shows up in Spiritual Direction appointments when people ask me to facilitate their connection with the divine. It’s there when I lead support groups that provide an environment for people to connect with each other for strength, hope and experience. And so on.
From this painful chapter of my young life flows a perspective that I can share with you for the children in your life.
Children have a limited vocabulary, but they feel and suffer just as adults do.
A child’s adversity possesses glorious purpose.
Difficulties in our earlier years often propel us to ultimately accomplish much good.
After a time of processing childhood adversity with a trusted person (counselor, mentor, relative), some adolescents experience a mid-course attitude correction that redirects them away from negative consequences and points them in positive directions.
Tweetable: Look here for a perspective of childhood adversity to share with the children in your life. Click to Tweet
Sooner or later, every child sees trouble coming into life. Things go wrong. When their questions come up, this perspective– written in a child’s vocabulary– may help you talk about it.
Even as a young child you feel anger, disappointment, grief, pain, loss. You might not like the design of your body, the parents you got or didn’t get. You are surprised when you first learn that adults aren’t always fair or kind. You are sad when the people who are supposed to keep you safe don’t do their job. You feel helpless when bad things happen or no one listens to you.
God understands everything you feel inside.
He is always with you. He brings you comfort by being right there with you and never leaving you alone.
So why doesn’t God make it go away?
He is powerful and he could make people do what’s right. He could make people stop. He could see to it that everyone has enough food and a home to live in.
Yes, he could, if he wanted to control people’s lives. He would have to eliminate choice so that no one ever chose to do wrong or make trouble again.
What kind of world would this be if God forced people to do right?
Or insisted that they feel happy all the time? Wouldn’t God become the dictator of the whole world? What kind of person would you be? Your freedom would be gone. You could not make choices.
Trouble is here to stay, and with it, people’s right to think their own kind or cruel thoughts, feel their own hate or love, do good or bad. Remember that in your troubles you have God who shares them with you. You can put complete trust in God’s intention to bless you, not harm you.
Tweetable:
Try a different perspective when kids ask why God doesn’t stop trouble. Click to Tweet
My interviews reveal that after, “Who is God?” the next most common question kids ask concerns how we know God is there. They ask, “Why can’t I see God?” “How do we know who God is if we can’t see him?” “Where is he and how can you prove it?”
Below is a possible response to that question in a child’s vocabulary.
Observe the results.
God is invisible. Gravity, oxygen, electricity, and love are also invisible. You know God is there the same way you know that any invisible thing is there: you observe the results of its presence. It’s like feeling the wind on your cheek. You can’t see the wind itself, but you can see its effects. It’s similar with electricity: unplug your refrigerator, full of food, come back in a week and open the door. You will smell what happens when invisible electricity is cut off!
Read firsthand reports.
Even if you are not able to observe results for yourself, you can test the presence of an invisible substance from reports of others who have firsthand knowledge. You can determine if they’re credible, like astronauts who have been to places where there is no oxygen. Those astronauts report that they were unable to breathe on the moon, yet they can breathe on Earth because of oxygen’s invisible presence.
Apply these tests yourself.
Apply these tests to prove to yourself that God is really there: First, observe for yourself the results of his presence. Perhaps you can think of a time when you were challenged by a big obstacle and you knew you needed someone to help you. God was willing to be that someone. You prayed to God and you did not feel alone. You observed that God was guiding you through the obstacles by supporting you. Second, test whether God is really there by reading and listening to reports of people who have firsthand knowledge of God.
With these two ideas, an adult can provide for a child’s spiritual needs with increased confidence.
Tweetable:
Finally, two concrete ways to help your child answer for herself, “How do I know God is there if I can’t see God? Click to Tweet
How do we introduce God in our conversations with young children? How do we do that in a way that informs, yet leaves the door open to explore and journey and be curious as they grow up?
Here is a description of God that may prove useful, written in a child’s vocabulary.
This view is acknowledged in every area of the world from sub-Saharan Africa and tribes in the South Pacific to urban centers in Europe, farms in the Americas, and Middle Eastern deserts.
It is not the view of a particular religion, yet is found in the majority of world religions. It is mainstream.
Who is God?
God is a being. God does not have a body. God is invisible. People are beings too—human beings. God is a being who is greater than human beings. You can’t see God but you know He* is there. God has always been there.
God is love. All love comes from God.
God knows everything. He knows what will happen in the future. God knows what you are thinking. God knows all the facts about any subject you can imagine.
God is everywhere at once. He is not limited by time or space.
God does only what is right, good and just.
God has no beginning and he has no end.
God is pure. There is nothing evil about God.
God has unlimited power and authority.
God never changes. He is the same today as God has always been.
God is one-of-a-kind.
God makes himself known by displaying these qualities so that any child can recognize them. The human mind cannot understand God completely. God exceeds our brain’s capacity. But you can understand a lot about God.
*God is spirit, but I use the male pronoun because it is what I encounter most often when people talk about God.You may substitute the female pronoun if you wish.
Tweetables:
God exceeds our brain’s capacity but we can understand a lot about God. Click to Tweet
God makes himself known by displaying qualities in the world that any child can recognize. Click to Tweet
The window of opportunity doesn’t last forever, and many adults miss it.
Other adults miss the cues because the child is not asking to help, but when offered a rag and shown how to wipe dust off furniture, children participate with gusto.Toy manufacturers produce all kinds of household machinery, which make great gift ideas for relatives looking for something at birthday time.
I find meaning in life by building bridges.
