May 15, 2017 | Nourishment
In an old issue of Psychology Today, I ran across an article featuring the words of Dennis Rosen, M.D.
Sometimes children seem so self absorbed and so preoccupied with gadgets and toys, we wonder whether they are aware of, or care about, what goes on around them. We like to tell ourselves, “Something” must be wrong with this generation.
Except there isn’t. The problem lies with us, the adults, who could be challenging them to think about others, and leading them to action.
Prior to going to Haiti to volunteer at a hospital, Dr. Rosen spoke to his daughter’s second grade class about the conditions there, showing them pictures of what life is like for children just like them. Following his visit, the class collected over 7,000 vitamins for him to give out.
“The empathy and genuine interest of these seven year olds was so impressive, and yet, upon reflection, not really that surprising. To help others in need is a very basic human instinct (though one that is not always acted upon).”
5 fun activities teach kids to think of others.
Author Cat Skorupski’s ideas I’m going to use with the kids in my life this summer:
- Surprise parents by making a favorite food for each of them and present it at the next meal.
Do a chore without being asked. This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s one that will resonate big-time with parents. The more annoying the chore, the better. Make a movie of each child doing it and show their parents.- Raise money for a cause dear to someone’s heart. Showing that you care about something he or she cares about—enough to invest your time and energy—is a huge compliment.
- Take a song you already know and write new words to it, making it about someone special to you! It doesn’t have to be complicated—heck, it doesn’t even have to be on-key. It’s the thought that counts! Then record it onto a phone or computer and send it to them.
- Create a scavenger hunt. Hide affirmation notes around the house for a sibling or other relative to find. The notes could be hidden in sequence with clues that lead the hunter to the next treasure or they could just be hidden randomly.
Tweetable: Show kids how you care about others, then guide them do this directly on their own with 5 new ideas. Click to Tweet
Feb 6, 2017 | Nourishment
A dreaded part of my childhood piano lessons came on the days I got excused from school to go before an adjudicator for grading on my skills. I was very nervous, but I did well enough to receive small silver and gold pins signifying my competency.
At times I felt disappointed by my piano performances, and my mother seemed to know the words to say when I knew I messed up. But when her arm, slung around my drooping shoulders, pulled me close the real comfort set in. Touch can mean more than words.
Meaningful touch blesses a child physically.
We can give almost every child a pat on the shoulder, a high five, a fist bump. Temperament is a factor in how much touch and what kind of touch a child wants. And the touch must be right for the relationship you have with that child, as well as being culturally appropriate.
- Auntie gives a manicure.
- An uncle arm wrestles.
- A family friend sneaks up behind, covers your eyes with their hands and says, “Guess who?”
- Grandma holds your hand in both of hers.
Obviously you can hug your own children but not every neighbor child or friend of your child. Follow the child’s cues. Touch is meaningful when it is done for the benefit of the child, not our own. It symbolizes acceptance. Conversely, if someone refuses to shake hands with you or touch you, it symbolizes lack of acceptance.
Appropriate touch blesses a child emotionally.
If we are consistent about being a source of blessing to others, we will begin to recognize the number of biochemical changes taking place when we reach out and touch. Deep emotional needs are met.
With all the media reports of child abuse and inappropriate touching, we back away from touch. Realize, however, that avoiding healthy, appropriate, meaningful touch sacrifices physical and emotional health in a child’s life.
How can children feel the touch of God?
Obviously God, being spirit, does not touch us physically. God’s touch is inward. It is a lack of fear. It is the absence of anxiety. It’s the knowledge that no matter what noise, what disappointment, what complications surround you—you are held. We crave these touches because they will not come and go with each passing circumstance. These are God’s meaningful touches for us and the children we love.
Ways to bless children right now with meaningful touch.
- Give a spontaneous hug.
- Put your arm around a child while watching a movie.
- Give a goodbye kiss on the head when kids are heading out to school.
Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas under “Ways to bless children right now,” are taken from John Trent’s book The Blessing.
Tweetable: How can children feel the touch of God? See how our meaningful touch can facilitate it. Click to Tweet
Jan 30, 2017 | Nourishment
The 4th Annual Backpack Blessing took place in a Georgia church at the start of this school year. The event involves taking your backpack into church, suggesting that God’s presence moves into all spheres of life. A staff member told The Huffington Post that the blessing is meant to engage kids in the concrete reality of their lives, and to narrate that God is with them.
A symbol of God’s presence
In addition to the blessing, each child was handed a compass as a sign of God’s presence in their daily life. The blessing given went something like this:
Bless these children and youth and their backpacks as they begin another school year. Keep them from fear. Guide them in the ways of justice and truth. When they are in new places and with new people, help them to remember that you will never leave them. May they always know that they are your children in the world.
Notice the five elements in this blessing, affirming the children’s worth, capability and connection with God.
- A spoken message
- Attaching high value
- Picturing a special future
- An active commitment
- A concrete object
In the context of childhood spirituality, a blessing can be given to a single child or to a group.
When applied in a family, a group living situation, a school classroom, or a fellowship (e.g. faith community, special interest club) these five ingredients always bring hope, warmth and healing.
Keep reading next week for specific ideas on special moments or rituals you can use to bestow each element onto the children you love.
Ways to bless children right now.
- Compliment the child on a character trait you notice (a spoken message).
- Slow down on a task like cooking to let us accomplish it together (an active commitment).
- Check your photo albums to make sure each child appears in the pictures almost equally (attaching high value).
Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas under “Ways to bless children right now,” are taken from John Trent’s book The Blessing.
Tweetable: In the context of childhood spirituality, a blessing can be given or to a group. See the example here. Click to Tweet
Jan 9, 2017 | Nourishment
Popular culture is full of tunes about blessing. From rapper Big Sean to Rascal Flatts, Celine Dion, Martha and the Vandellas, Irving Berlin and back again, we’ve got the topic covered.
Basically, blessing means to wish well. Sometimes a young person will approach the parents to ask, “Will you give us your blessing?” before popping the question of marriage.
A blessing is often given as a statement of divine favor–a benediction. For example, when his friend embarked upon a new job, John O’Donohue offered: “May the sacredness of your work bring light and renewal to those who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.”
Yet the reality of everyday life tells a different story.
Most of us don’t bless people as a way of life. Personally I may be kind or helpful. But I would like to increase my skill of intentionally blessing people.
What if blessings have power to answer contemporary dilemmas, such as increased polarization within our society? As I shopped for gifts during the holiday season, I blessed store clerks, “May you have no angry customers all day” which never failed to cause their eyes to turn from scanning items and to lock on mine as I continued, “Be blessed today.”
In response, one clerk put her hand to her lips and sent a kiss to me. Another stopped for a few seconds of stunned silence as her eyes danced and she said, “I receive that!” The power of a blessing lies in a heartfelt wish for the person’s happiness and comfort. This stands in stark contrast to the negative, even hostile, words rising in society.
A blog series–a challenge to bless
Over the next several blog posts I invite you to explore with me some ways to practice how to bless others for their well-being and success. As always, the posts will be child-centered and spiritually oriented.
Blessings flow from the heart, not from a cognitive formula. Every new experience increases our skill in understanding how and when to wish the best for others.
May these words of hope and love bring out the best in you in 2017, as you seek to bless those who need it the most.
Tweetable: Looking to increase your intentionality of blessing, not blasting, with your words in 2017? Follow this. Click to Tweet
Dec 19, 2016 | Nurture
After five years of interviewing adults about their childhood spiritual experiences, I’ve seen common threads. Here’s one: As children, they didn’t have the vocabulary to express how they were processing spirituality and God. Can’t you see it in what this man told me?
“I remember I was four or five years old and feeding white ducks bread crumbs from the top of a playground slide. It seemed very wonderful to me for some reason and I dreamed about it and I can still see myself doing it. My thoughts couldn’t have been very abstract or sophisticated or articulated in any vocabulary I had at the time, but I felt I was in the presence of something greater than myself, in a world beyond the surface world where I was tossing down food onto the white ducks and feeling very whole, free, peaceful.”
That it, isn’t it? Children can’t articulate with the vocabulary they have at the time.
But we can help children build a spiritual vocabulary. We use the same methods we did when we taught them basic vocabulary words.
When they learned animal names, we had picture books of animals, “Where’s the bird? What does the bird say?” And when we went outdoors, “See the bird? Hear the bird?”
Use children’s literature to teach spiritual vocabulary.
It’s packed with stories about the human spirit developing and prevailing. When you read to children, emphasize and repeat age-appropriate spiritual vocabulary words such as right, wrong, conscience, character, wise, forgive, as these concepts come up in the book. Use these vocabulary words in normal everyday conversations. As children get older, you can move on to words like mindful, ethics, purpose, presence, worship, spirit, soul, self and reason.
There’s no need to bottle it up inside.
When they know words like these, they’ll be equipped with a vocabulary to express themselves as they begin to work out the complexities of life. With no need to bottle it up inside, they will talk freely and listen to others, thus understanding how normal and widespread is the spiritual dimension of life.
Tweetable:
- Ideas to help children build a spiritual vocabulary by the same method you taught them basic vocabulary. Click to Tweet
- Children don’t know the words to use to express their spiritual experiences. See some ideas here. Click to Tweet
