Feb 8, 2016 | Nurture
Children are just like us… we practice occasional acts of kindness toward others, but more generally take an outlook focused on ourselves. How can we encourage acts of kindness so children’s perspectives focus outward more often — on the gifts they have to contribute to the world? On the good they can do for others? On understanding the feelings and perspectives of others?
Think through this list with one specific child in mind.
I support the child’s wish to offer hospitality through his or her invitations to family, friends and even strangers.- I use my money, time and talents for the good of myself and my family while also considering the needs of others. The child has seen me set aside money for charitable contributions.
- I encourage the child to use his or her own money, time and talents in service to others. I can then point to specific ways the child did this.
- When praying, I notice I am able to say “Thanks God,” in addition to asking for favors. Many times I tell the child what I am thankful for and we talk about gratitude.
- When the child practices spontaneous acts of kindness or generosity, I notice and point it out to the child.
Such a posture doesn’t come about naturally for most of us.
It requires some effort and intentionality, as seen in this parent’s story.
My daughter, now 13, still remembers the morning we passed a woman at an intersection with a sign asking for help. Being 5 years old, she could read the words “Hungry. Have some spare change? Anything helps.”
As my daughter reached for the spare change I keep in the car for parking meters, I explained, “Sometimes it’s not good to give money directly, but her sign says she is hungry, so maybe she would like some breakfast.”
At that, my daughter brightened and we drove around the block to pass the woman again. She readily agreed to breakfast and smiled at my cute curly-haired girl.
We had breakfast at the 24-hour diner on the corner and listened to some of her story she was willing to share.
It left a lasting impression on my daughter, as well as a continuing desire to help the poor.
Review the five points again. What are some ways you can help the children in your life practice generous living?
Tweetable: How we encourage acts of kindness so children’s perspectives focus outward more often. 5 ideas here. Click to Tweet
Feb 1, 2016 | Attachment
Children think about God. They like to talk about God. Each person experiences God in a different way, and some not much at all. Some adults consider it a private matter, hesitating to speak of it even with the children we love most. It can be difficult for kids to learn responsiveness to God if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy.
How many of these statements are true of you?
- I pray in front of the child.
- I give concrete examples of when I have seen God at work in or around me, and how I responded to seeing that.
- I worship and highly esteem God, even more than I worship success, entertainment, money, or other people.
- Sometimes I start a conversation with the child: “I see God in that person. Do you want to know how?”
- When I see a stranger doing a random act of kindness I point it out to the child.
Consider each idea in turn, from the list above.
- In which have you already engaged with specific children? What was their response?
- Is there one you want to try? With which children?
- Remember, you have the option to adapt the ideas to fit with your understanding of God, if necessary.
When you read the example below, in what specific ways do you see the mother modeling and teaching responsiveness to God?
When I was making a difficult decision about whether to take a particular job in another state, I intentionally decided to let my 9-year-old son in on my process. I told him about the opportunity and we made a Pros and Cons list, but we didn’t stop there.
I told him I wanted to pray to God about what God would want me to do. I asked my son if he would also pray and listen for whatever God might be telling him, especially since this decision affected him, too.
We prayed and talked together over the course of a few weeks, and eventually came to the same conclusion. This new job would provide many more opportunities for me to help people were were sick and in need. (I am in the medical field.)
There was nothing crucial to keep us in the location where we were. Even though the money would be less, we both felt released by God to move so that I could take this new opportunity.
Tweetable: It can be difficult for kids to learn spiritual responsiveness if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy. Click to Tweet
Jan 25, 2016 | Attachment
When adults try to help children relate to others authentically, we generally promote qualities like patience, forgiveness, honesty, love, etc. These come to us by way of our human spirit. Strong spiritual awareness can figure prominently into our ability to form healthy relationships.
We become the live action video.
To help children develop these qualities means we must model them ourselves.We become the live action video– the indelible image of how to form authentic relationships.
To what degree have you practiced behaviors like these with the important children in your life?
- The child observes occasions when my actions and words respect persons different from me, allowing us to engage in dialogue about how to treat people with respect.
- Since people offend me at times, and the child knows about it, I am open about my ups and downs on the road to forgiveness and reconciliation.
- I model and encourage time for social gatherings, including spiritual or religious services.
- The child sees me listen to someone’s spiritual journey without injecting my own opinion.
- I encourage the child to find trusted adults besides me with whom they can talk about life and God.
You will adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition.
Remember that in some cases you may need to adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition, the qualities you value, and even your culture. For example, in #1 above, different people might reconcile “treat people with respect” with “standing up for oneself” in different ways. Here’s one mother’s experience:
My 7-year-old daughter Sophie came home one day very upset because her best friend Mariah said something insensitive about her height.
Sophie was very short for her age, and sensitive about it. Mariah, who was tall for her age, had no understanding that someone might be sensitive about her height.
I called Mariah’s mom and explained the situation. Both of us wanted to teach our daughters how to work through conflict productively.
We set up a meeting time for Sophie to share how she felt, for Mariah to hear, understand it, and apologize, and for Sophie to accept the apology and restore the relationship.
Both girls were afraid, as neither liked conflict, but they worked through the process as we coached them.
The result was a restored friendship, rather than the growing distance that occurs when hurt feelings go unaddressed.
Our family was later able to talk about that experience of recognizing when you have done something wrong, then asking for and receiving forgiveness, in the context of our Catholic tradition.
Tweetable: To what degree are you modeling authentic relationships for the important children in your life? Click to Tweet
Jan 18, 2016 | Nourishment
“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” (Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize 1952). Can’t we all think of occasions when we have seen the truth of this in our own lives? As a result, we should seize any opportunity to include children in service to others.
Service means sacrifice.
True service costs you something. That “something” could be time, money or social capital. When we truly serve others, it costs us. Children instinctively know this. Help them count the cost.
See how this girl sacrificed social capital.
My friend’s 8-year-old daughter was talking about a girl in her class who kept trying to hang out with her and her group of friends, but no one liked her and no one wanted to include her. My friend told her this story:
When I was in 5th grade, we had a girl named Cora who was new to the school. She came from a poor family, wore old sweatsuits to school and sometimes smelled bad. She seemed sad and lonely.
The kids would tease her in ways that–looking back now–were really mean. I didn’t join in on the teasing, but I wasn’t particularly friendly either.
One day, I was chosen to be one of the team captains for a Spelling Bee. Back in those days, the captains would take turns choosing people for their team until no one was left. Cora was always chosen last, no matter what the teams were for.
I decided today would be different. I chose Cora first, even before my best friend. I still remember the look of surprise and delight on her face as she jumped up to join my team.
Even now, in my 40s, that’s one of my proudest moments.
Consider ways you can show children how to take initial steps toward outward service.
- I help the child learn to recognize when people are calling for love or help. From time to time I ask, “Who do we know who needs a blessing today?”
- I use my childhood stories of standing up for what was right to encourage the child to walk away from doing wrong, even when friends do not.
- I encourage the child to be involved with ecology–preserving and restoring the earth.
- The child sees me perform spiritual activities (meditation, service to others).
- When the child talks about those in distress (animals, the planet, people), I find non-profit organizations that alleviate the suffering and encourage the child to join or help.
Which have you tried in the past? What could you try this week? with which child?
Tweetables:
- Consider these ways you can show children how to take initial steps toward service to others. Click to Tweet
- True service to others costs something: time, money, social capital. Teach children to count the cost. Click to Tweet
Jan 11, 2016 | Nourishment
If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know the spiritual development of a child begins and ends with the choices of the child. We cannot (and should not try to) force a child into a particular belief or spiritual practice.
Yet we can walk beside them to provide support their their journey of discovery. They want trusted adults to act as sounding boards and coaches as they work out their spiritual questions and ideas.
Specifically, what is the adult’s role?
In this next series of blog entries, you can browse 8 different components or categories within human spirituality and select ways to engage with the important children in your life.We will look at one each week for the next eight weeks.
8 Components of Spirituality
- Personal transformation
- Authentic relationships
- Generous living
- Spiritual responsiveness
- Sacrificial service
- Guiding others
- Community transformation
- Experiencing God
For each of these general areas we’ll provide lists, specific examples, and ideas you can take and use to strengthen the child’s human spirit. You decide which are best for you.
Cull our lists.
Recognize you may need to adapt certain items to fit well with your spiritual tradition or beliefs. For example, if sacred writings are mentioned, which ones do you mean? Or if showing hospitality or caring for the earth aren’t values or important parts of your tradition, are there other values you substitute for them?
Above all, remember never to force.
The adult’s role is to model, initiate conversations, and provide resources and opportunities. The adult’s role is not force or indoctrination.
Take your time.
Spiritual development takes a lifetime and cannot be crammed. Be careful not to push kids where they’re not ready. A checklist of ideas is not something you can go through in a month or a year.
Chart your path forward.
Focus more mindfully on spiritual development now and your decisions can improve the child’s future.
Tweetable: New series directs adults to the priority moral values a child needs for spiritual proficiency. Click to Tweet
