Jun 1, 2015 | Nurture
Whenever I pack my suitcase for a trip, I check the weather at my destination and keep in mind the activities I will do there. Then I lay out my clothes on the bed and when I’m satisfied that I didn’t forget anything, they go into the suitcase. Generally speaking, I know what I will need.
But what about packing for children?
Most of them are not nearly as organized. And those who will be later in life aren’t developmentally ready to pack their own suitcases yet.
In this series on life purpose, we’re looking specifically at their journey toward meaning and happiness.
Fortunately, we have concrete data provided to us by the children themselves. Their blueprint—their abilities, strengths, talents, purpose, divine connection, subject matter they like working with, way of relating to others, and more—is within them already. These give us important clues about what they will need packed in their suitcases on their journeys toward meaning and happiness.
In order to know what they will need, we’ve been watching them since birth with an eye toward discovering their innate gifts and passions and potential. For instance, what can you see in the examples below?
A nine-year-old girl climbs higher up into the tree than any of the other dozen or so children at the party in the park. She nimbly climbs way up into the thin branches and then shouts joyfully down to make sure the adults are paying attention and acknowledging her progress.
What do you know about this girl– just based on two sentences? What talents and skills does she possess? What kind of affirmation is she (literally in this case) asking for? What does she not naturally see on her own?
A six-year-old boy has been dragged around to big event after big event because all of his extended 
family is in town for a wedding. He doesn’t say much, but watches carefully. Finally, after discovering that he has yet another gathering to attend, he bursts into tears and cannot stop crying. His parents make an unscheduled stop at a library to give him time to sit in a quiet corner and read.
What do you know about this boy? What would you guess has been going on inside his head? How could you encourage him to process all of his observations? What are his parents teaching him about self-care?
Based upon your knowledge of the children, what do we pack so they have what they need to find purpose and happiness?
- Lessons and coaching
- Experiences and activities
- Tools and materials
- Individuals and groups
- Self awareness and self care
- Knowledge and wisdom
For example, the girl may need lessons in caution. She may also need to be given a wider berth of experiences and activities to play to her strengths. The boy may need “permission” to practice regular time alone to take care of himself. He may also need a creative outlet for processing all of his observations.
Knowing the uniquenesses of the children helps you pack the right items in their suitcases–the ones they will need on their journey.
Next week: Be aware of your dream to raise impressive children
Tweetable: What are we packing for our child’s journey toward meaning and happiness? Find six essentials here. Click to Tweet
May 25, 2015 | Direction
School vacations begin any day now. Here’s an idea that could shift your child’s vacation time from good to great: Wherever you go, whatever you do, find ways to put the spotlight on your family’s talents and strengths. You will hear a lot more gratitude and a lot less whining.
Start by making a list of each child’s talents and strengths….
…including adults who are part of the vacation. Show each child’s list to them and ask the child to circle their top two or three.
Armed with these lists of talents and strengths, search for events and activities that match their talents. This can be a search for local activities, or if the family is also going on a trip, events at your destination.
Sort the possible activities.
Delete any that are unrealistic for your family. Now you have a list of places, people, events, shows, or games that are possible for the trip (or summer days at home without school).
Allow the whole family to choose from the list.
Because of your advance work, there is literally something for every person. Their satisfaction is greater because they are doing something they love or something they are good at. While participating in a sibling’s choice they know their turn is coming.
Take for instance an overnight camping trip.
One child in the family is a natural. She wants to pitch the tent and build the fire. She’s in her element on a camping trip.
The other two children haven’t been looking forward to the camping trip as much.
So you strategically put one child in charge of organizing the tent and the foodstuffs. Where should each person’s sleeping bag be laid out? Where should the flashlight be so everyone can get to it in the dark? How should we separate the evening food from the next day’s breakfast so it doesn’t attract bears? This child is an arranger and he gets a lot of satisfaction out of organizing everything so it makes sense.
The third child is the one staring up into the clouds.
While everyone else was trying to unload the van and pitch the tent, she isn’t paying much attention to the world around her. But that night at the campfire, you ask that child to make up stories to tell around the campfire. The rest of the family can’t believe how funny and scary and entertaining her stories are… but you had a hunch.
Great vacations encompass short-term fun, plus the long-term gain of learning something new or adding onto something we were already good at so the enjoyment is increased.
Vacation isn’t just about mindless fun or distraction or rest.
Yes, these are important. But discovery and creativity and growth are important too. So stay in the moment for 5 more minutes after it’s over, to talk:
- What did we do that you wish we could do again?
- I have an idea for a different activity that we could do…..
- What 3 words describe your feelings about what we did?
- If we did this again, what could we do to make it better?
- What did you (see, hear, smell, taste, feel)?
- What was your contribution to this activity?
With these simple ideas you are likely to get a greater return of refreshment and enjoyment over the long haul.
Next week: Packing children’s suitcases for the trip ahead
Tweetable: Here’s an idea that could shift your child’s vacation time from good to great. Click to Tweet
May 18, 2015 | Direction
“Humans may resemble many other creatures in their striving for happiness, but the quest for meaning is a key part of what makes us human.” — Roy Baumeister
For most people, finding life meaningful and feeling happy are important– and related– goals.
Recognizing this, we start early to move children toward those goals.
Whether you believe that a person’s essence comes from our genetic framework or from God placing a unique soul within each of us (or some combination of both), the outworking of that belief often looks the same: You have potential within you and now you need to decide what to do with it.
Yet it’s difficult for us to face the challenge of what to do next.
We know we need to help the children in our lives learn to tap into the potential that is already within them. But how?
The focus of this blog is always to see the child’s development through a spiritual lens.
Many excellent resources exist that instruct us in the ways of emotional, physical and mental preparation to find happiness and purpose. But what of the spiritual preparation?
Certain concrete, specific actions can help them discover, develop and use the potential of their human spirit.
Each title in this series offers to guide your efforts in all of the attributes of the child’s human spirit:
- Talents and strengths: a vacation planner
- Find and build motivation
- The gift of boredom: desires and passions
- Make work meaningful: try these ideas
- Ask kids what they think of The Big Picture
Helping even young children choose to engage in activities that uncover their talents, motivations, aptitudes and passions–this is part of the spiritual stuff of life.
Next week: Talents and strengths: a vacation planner
Tweetable: We know we need to help children learn to tap into the potential already within them. But how? Click to Tweet
May 11, 2015 | Direction
In a web-based Smart Girls survey, four out of five girls (average age 13) reported that their life goal was something like fame, money, or being happy. The remaining 20% said their life goal was to make a difference.
Opinions such as this are often formed from previous experience.
What kinds of experiences and input are shaping the dreams, goals, and values of the children in your life?
Think about how they might answer the question, “What is your main goal in life?”
Would they be in the majority or the minority? And what do you most want for the children in your life? What if you had to choose either happiness or meaning?
This is the first post in a series where I explore a spiritual approach to addressing this question with children.
Defining happiness and meaning
A good place to start is by defining our terms. In a widely-reported survey summarized in Scientific American:
Respondents strongly correlated feeling happy with seeing life as easy, pleasant, and free from difficult or troubling events. Happiness was also correlated with being in good health and generally feeling well most of the time.
However, none of these things were correlated with a greater sense of meaning.
The survey’s findings suggest that pure happiness is about getting what we want in life—whether through people, money, or life circumstances.
Meaningfulness, in contrast, seems to have more to do with 
giving, effort, and sacrifice. However, tasks which don’t make us happy can, over time, add up to a meaningful life. Even routine activities — talking on the phone, cooking, cleaning, meditating, emailing, praying, and balancing finances — appeared to bring more meaning to adults’ lives, but did not contribute to happiness in the moment.
Think about your own perspectives on this question.
- How would you personally rate the relative importance of happiness or meaning?
- How have you pursued them?
- How successful has that pursuit been?
- What are your hopes for the children in your life?
- What do you most want for them? Happiness or meaning? What if you had to choose?
Next week: Preparing children to tap into their potential
Tweetable: New series gives practical perspective to the kinds of experiences that shape a child’s dreams and goals. Click to Tweet
Apr 13, 2015 | Nourishment
Russian painter Wassily Kandinsky, writing in 1910, teaches us that artists create as a spiritual impulse. Notice how art breaks down walls for a young boy, Jeremiah, and opens channels with some of our most hurting children.
Creating chaos
Jeremiah’s presence is obvious in almost all social situations. He walks into a room and demands the attention of the people there, both young and old. Often he acts out this demand for attention in the form of all kinds of language choices and violent behavior. It is a creation of chaos.
At first, Caroline Cheek, a mentor at QC Family Tree is “astonished to see all of this chaos stirred up by such a small person, but he is force. His need to create a response in his environment captured me.”
Paper and crayons and a curious friend to draw with him.
Jeremiah is a six-year-old friend of Caroline’s. She and Jeremiah began making art together every week.
I pulled out some paper and crayons….Within minutes Jeremiah was focused, drawing a spider. He told me the story of the spider, about its arms and eyes, and about the bite it had under its eye. His ability to communicate through his imagination is fascinating.
On another day, he talked about needing peace and quiet. I ask, “Where do you go for peace and quiet?”
He drew a picture of a tree with birds all around, where his pet lizard is buried nearby. He explained that he needed to go there when he felt angry. Anger comes up a lot in Jeremiah’s drawings. He is so smart, and he witnesses so much.
With each encounter with Jeremiah, every expressive moment, I feel the walls of my heart open more and more, and motivate me to keep showing up with crayons and listening.
Art is often an outlet for children when they don’t have the words for what they want to communicate.
Through his drawings he tells me stories of death, conflict, comfort and hope. So he reminds me of
- the work that is to be done
- the injustice that is ever present in his world
- the hope that we can find healing through relationships.
How could art be a creative channel for the children in your life?
Tweetable: Here’s another way to open a communication channel with our most hurting children. Click to Tweet
