Mar 14, 2016 | Nourishment
Passing along spirituality to others can be fraught with many pitfalls and misconceptions. We must never try to force or convince, yet must still be open to those who are curious and seeking– especially when the seekers are the children in our lives.
Notice the approach this parent chooses with her preteen.
Recognizing spiritual development is an ongoing process, here’s a story about how one mom handled a difficult question from her 12-year-old. Your answer, and any alternative viewpoints you cite, might have been different, as you’d be speaking from your own beliefs.
“So Mom, do you think there’s a hell?”
The question came out of nowhere, as far as I could tell. We had a movie on and it was paused for a bathroom break. This is when my son decides to ask me about hell.
Although we periodically attend a Protestant Christian Church, I don’t have very formed ideas about hell. It is just not a subject that comes up much. So I first decided to see where the question was coming from: “Why do you ask?” “Well, Max from church said that people who are bad go to hell.”
Okay, I thought to myself, so the question is theoretical and not related to anyone specific dying. Now how do I answer when I’m not sure myself? Here’s what I came up with:
“Honestly, I am not really sure.
“I can tell you what I think, but I may be wrong. I do think heaven and hell exist, but I think that God would not force anyone to be with him in heaven who didn’t want to be with him. If someone didn’t want to be with God, they could choose not to be. Hell—I think—is the absence of God rather than fiery flames. Now some people think hell is literal fiery flames, and some people think it doesn’t exist at all.
“What do you think?”
My son then went on to think out loud about the idea of hell being so horrible, but also about the need to punish bad people, like Hitler. He seemed conflicted, and I could see that this conversation—like many other spiritual topics—would need to be an ongoing one as he thought through what he believed. I committed then to try to serve as a safe sounding board for him as he would think things through over the years. Then maybe in the future he would serve as a safe sounding board for others.
Tweetable: One mom does a good job handling her 12-year-old son’s question about hell. Here’s what she said. Click to Tweet
Mar 7, 2016 | Nurture
School children often learn about historical figures who change their country through their fight against injustice. Mathatma Gandhi, William Wilberforce, Martin Luther King, Susan B. Anthony, Nellie Bly, Tommy Douglas.
Many figures throughout history who have fought against injustice acted out of a deep sense of spiritual direction. They were compelled, so to speak.
Some of those who are children now will grow up to be agents of transformation.
They may not all get written up in the history books of tomorrow, but they can all make a difference in the world around them– in ways both big and small. How can we help them discover the ways God may be calling them to make a difference in their world?
In your context, what opportunities do you see?
- When the child is upset by a particular injustice, I discuss risks and rewards of involvement in the cause.
- I encourage the child to read biographies of historical figures they admire for standing against injustice.
- The child could take part in some local push for change.
- I can model responsible social involvement, such as volunteering, recycling, voting, and being aware of current events.
- When I see the child make a positive difference in their environment– even in a small way– I highlight it and praise them for it.
For one grandmother, it looked like this:
I live in an older neighborhood that has become increasingly run down and dangerous over the years. We used to have a large store nearby, but it got torn down and became an empty lot that was seeing more and more gang activity.
Some of us who have lived here for years planned a meeting to talk about what could be done, and my 16-year-old grandson happened to be visiting when the time for the meeting came around. He tagged along with me, bringing his iPhone so he’d have something to do.
But I noticed during the course of the meeting that he was texting less and listening more.
Based on what he heard, he decided to get involved in bringing change to the neighborhood. He helped clean up the empty lot. He contacted the city councilman for our district to ask for funds to make the area into a small park. He even volunteered with an organization that moved into the area to provide a safe place for kids to hang out after school.
He jokes and tells me that he’s just doing it because it will look good on college applications, but I know better. He knows now that his actions can make a difference– he’s caught the bug for community activism.
Tweetable:
- What adults can do now to guide those children who will grow up to be agents of transformation. Click to Tweet
- How can we help children discover how God may be calling them to make a difference in their world? Click to Tweet
Feb 29, 2016 | Direction
Spirituality is passed on from generation to generation. How can you help the important children in your life learn to offer strength of spirit to others?
Look at the peer counselor-mentor programs in schools.
In all the programs I studied, teachers select children to be mentors-helpers who display traits and qualities arising from the human spirit, like honesty, caring, tolerant of differences and interested in guiding others. They may help students make a smooth transition into a new school or increase acceptance of students with diverse needs.
A child’s experience of God is just as legitimate as that of an adult.
But passing along spirituality to others can be fraught with many pitfalls and misconceptions. So we show children how to do this appropriately through modeling, dialogue and encouragement.
Here are a few specific strategies for passing along spiritual vision to others.
Adapt them to fit your context and faith tradition.
- Because I take classes, read, and am active in a faith community, I demonstrate to the child that the spiritual journey is lifelong.
- I talk about and model my own life purpose with the child. The child has heard me describe very simply the essentials of my faith and what I believe God is like.
- When the child asks me questions about God, heaven, etc, I tell him or her what I believe to be true, add one differing viewpoint, then ask what the child thinks.
- I teach the child about the major world religions and their founders.
- I know the spiritual legacy I want to leave in the lives of my family and friends, and I am working toward that goal.
We must never try to force or convince, yet we must still be open to children and adults who are curious and seeking. After all, consider how grateful we are to those who shared their spirituality with us in positive ways. We needed their help and guidance and they were there for us. We can be there for the children in our lives as well, and we model for them how they can in turn pass that benefit on to others.
Tweetable: Passing along spirituality to children can be fraught with many misconceptions. A new perspective here. Click to Tweet
Feb 15, 2016 | Nurture
The experience of God is certainly unique to each individual. Some speak of God as largely inside of us. Others say God is watching us from a distance. Even in religious families who share a theology, each family member walks on his or her own daily path in relationship to God.
How can I show children some possible avenues for experiencing God?
Perhaps some of the ideas below will spark your thinking, fitting them into your understanding of God, if necessary.
- When difficult or frightening events have occurred in my life, I have explained to the child how I sensed God was present with me.
- I am able to discuss with the child the varied avenues or ways God has used to communicate with me and/or others.
- I am in touch with God’s presence in the world and see evidence of God working behind the scenes. I am able to engage in conversations with the child about “coincidences.”
- When the child expresses disappointment or doubt, I respond with empathy. I encourage him or her to take those feelings directly to God, emphasizing that God is not put off by them.
One father told his kids how he found God communicating with him (see #2 above):
Now I am not someone who claims to hear from God regularly and you know I’m not particularly religious. But there is one time in my life—when the two of you were just a few years old—that I am convinced God was speaking to me.
I was about to go for a snowmobile ride and in all the many times I have gone snowmobiling I have never used a helmet. But this particular day I had this strong sense of a voice telling me to put on a helmet. It wasn’t an audible voice, but it was just as insistent as if it were.
I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away: “Put on a helmet.” I didn’t even own a helmet. After a couple of hours, I finally gave up and went out to go buy a helmet. I wore it that day and got into a terrible accident where I broke both legs, one arm, and a lot of ribs. The doctor said I would definitely have died if not for the helmet.
I believe that was God’s way of trying to keep me alive because he knew your mother would be dying of cancer just a few years later.
Our task is to give a firm footing to a child’s experience of God.
Tweetable: 4 ideas to guide your conversation when a child talks about sensing or experiencing God. Click to Tweet
Feb 8, 2016 | Nurture
Children are just like us… we practice occasional acts of kindness toward others, but more generally take an outlook focused on ourselves. How can we encourage acts of kindness so children’s perspectives focus outward more often — on the gifts they have to contribute to the world? On the good they can do for others? On understanding the feelings and perspectives of others?
Think through this list with one specific child in mind.
I support the child’s wish to offer hospitality through his or her invitations to family, friends and even strangers.- I use my money, time and talents for the good of myself and my family while also considering the needs of others. The child has seen me set aside money for charitable contributions.
- I encourage the child to use his or her own money, time and talents in service to others. I can then point to specific ways the child did this.
- When praying, I notice I am able to say “Thanks God,” in addition to asking for favors. Many times I tell the child what I am thankful for and we talk about gratitude.
- When the child practices spontaneous acts of kindness or generosity, I notice and point it out to the child.
Such a posture doesn’t come about naturally for most of us.
It requires some effort and intentionality, as seen in this parent’s story.
My daughter, now 13, still remembers the morning we passed a woman at an intersection with a sign asking for help. Being 5 years old, she could read the words “Hungry. Have some spare change? Anything helps.”
As my daughter reached for the spare change I keep in the car for parking meters, I explained, “Sometimes it’s not good to give money directly, but her sign says she is hungry, so maybe she would like some breakfast.”
At that, my daughter brightened and we drove around the block to pass the woman again. She readily agreed to breakfast and smiled at my cute curly-haired girl.
We had breakfast at the 24-hour diner on the corner and listened to some of her story she was willing to share.
It left a lasting impression on my daughter, as well as a continuing desire to help the poor.
Review the five points again. What are some ways you can help the children in your life practice generous living?
Tweetable: How we encourage acts of kindness so children’s perspectives focus outward more often. 5 ideas here. Click to Tweet
