Nov 2, 2015 | Nourishment
Physicist Charles Townes’ (pictured here) laser invention changed science and society, also bringing him the 1964 Nobel Prize. His reflections about his own life brought about my suggested resources (below) for gifted children who seek answers to the big questions.
Resource #1: Brainy people who will explore the child’s philosophical questions
Within your network of friends, find retired persons, intellectuals, and brilliant thinkers who are challenged by the big questions: what is the aim, purpose and meaning of this universe? Of our lives? See whether the child connects with any of these people and feels free to discuss deeper philosophical topics that are of interest to them.
Resource #2: Wisdom literature
Gifted children try to explore anything, think about everything, and ask lots of questions. Wisdom literature provides a foundational structure for the child’s evolving values and beliefs. A spiritual leader from your faith tradition can recommend books and may be willing to discuss them with the child. As Townes said, “Science seeks to discern the laws and order of our universe, including human life; religion, to understand the universe’s purpose and meaning, and how humankind fits into both.”
Resource #3: Volunteer work
Gifted youngsters are usually taught that there’s some purpose they will try to accomplish in their lives. But that’s very localized–what they want to do with their life. Be a person in their world who broadens their perspective. Volunteer work can often teach the gifted and talented child how to contribute to the well-being of others. It also helps them practice nurture and develop empathy for others: animals, family, neighbors, the environment… depending on the type of volunteer work chosen.
Resource #4: Regular conversation
Intellectually gifted children often have a higher capacity for deep conversation. When talking with a gifted child, ask broader questions about humanity: “What are human beings about in general? What is this universe all about? Where do brand-new ideas come from? To what extent does God help us?” You’ll probably be amazed at the answers you get as you help children broaden their thinking.
After Townes’ death in January 2015 at age 99…
…Michael Werner, project scientist for NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope and Paul Goldsmith, chief technologist for astronomy, physics and space technology at the Jet Propulsion Lab offered:
Townes was a teacher above all else….He was never too busy to talk with us, and he provides a dramatic counter-example to the cliche of the inaccessible professor. Townes’ legacy includes the many students he mentored, and it will be perpetuated as we pass on what we learned from him to future generations.
Let us also guide along the children in our lives, helping them explore issues of faith and meaning.
Tweetable: Gifted children often take an early interest in the big questions; four ideas here. Click to Tweet
Sep 28, 2015 | Direction
My friends Laura and Mamitte (not their real names) were having coffee at Mamitte’s apartment while their 7-year-old boys and a neighbor boy played in the courtyard. Mamitte walked out to check on them and discovered that they had smashed a bunch of snails. She said to them, “Oh, I am so saddened by this,” and returned to the apartment to figure out, along with Laura, what to do about it.
What’s really important, they decided, is the greater lesson of how we treat creatures.
When both women went outside, the boys began to play “he said/she said” about who actually smashed and who watched. But Mamitte asked them if they were willing to gather the snails’ bodies and put them to rest in God’s earth. The boys said they were willing to participate.
They gathered the snails’ bodies.
As they did, they had time to process and look at what they had actually done. They then put the snails in the specified resting place.
Mamitte asked them if they wanted to say something.
- Ethan said, “We ask God to forgive us for how we treated the snails.”
- Raul said, “And forgive me for not protecting them.”
- Logan sang a little song and said, “And that God would give them a home and love them in heaven.”
Then they all said Amen.
The moms decided to take it one step further.
Because the snails had been smashed all over a long bench in this courtyard where everyone sits, Mamitte got out rags and a cleaning solution to disinfect the bench and brought those out to the boys.
As they sat on the ground, scrubbing different parts of the bench, they bounced ideas back and forth to each other. It was all Mamitte and Laura could do to keep their mouths shut (a very important parenting skill).
The boys figure it all out on their own.
- One says, “Gosh, I don’t want to be doing all this WORK right now. This is so much WORK and we could be playing.”
- Another says, “Well, that’s what happens when we make bad choices.”
- And as they’re going back and forth, the third boy says, “I. will. never. do. this. again.”
Those are the huge connections that we want–
- They are experiencing the consequences of their actions.
- The heart issue, the core of it, is that we shouldn’t treat other beings like that.
The two moms celebrated silently, standing behind the boys so they couldn’t see.
When they returned to their coffee cups in the apartment, they asked each other, “How did we do that—It worked so effectively?!”
Here’s what they came up with:
- Our parenting was not reactive. Laura said, “My first instinct had been to take my son, rip him out of the courtyard, put him in the car and say, ‘Well, if you’re going to act that way over here, we can’t be over here.'”
- We asked if they would be willing. Mamitte said to Laura, “When you approached them and stopped the bickering, you asked if they would be willing to gather the snails’ bodies. I was shocked, thinking, “I can’t believe she’s asking them because they aren’t going to do it.” And they all chose it! It wasn’t anything forced.
- We found a teachable moment. Natural consequences are often the teachable moments. We guided them, we didn’t punish. We invited them to take responsibility to care for the snails’ bodies.
Tweetable: See how three boys increase in respect for all creatures at a memorial service for snails. Click to Tweet
Sep 14, 2015 | Nourishment
The English class assignment was to write a five-paragraph essay about a personal hero. Adrian’s* hero is his grandmother–a friend of mine–who shared the essay. Notice how Adrian’s every point flows from his grandmother’s human spirit… and not a single point flows from material possessions.
“My grandmother will always be my personal hero and she has a lot more super powers than you could imagine.”
Superpower #1 Acts of courage
A hero is not just somebody who saves lives or flies. It is someone who makes a difference with acts of courage, love and positive influence. My grandmother will always be my personal hero because she never gives up on me and always tries to be a positive role model.
Superpower #2 Directs me towards a great future
Last week she told me “what you do today will decide what you do tomorrow.” At first I did not understand what she meant, but she explained it to me in a way I could understand it better. She said if I don’t study this week I will not be ready for the test at the end of the week. That made a lot more sense and I told her I hadn’t thought about that before. She just smiled and I know she only wants me to give thought and peace of mind to everything in my life.
Superpower #3 Never gives up on me
For example, over the past few years I have probably said or done something hurtful to my grandmother that I didn’t mean, but she never quit on me. She only encouraged me to make better decisions.
Sometimes I wanted her to quit on me because I quit on myself and she never did. I can honestly say that without my grandmother I would not be where I am today. She has pushed me in many ways to become a more responsible and respectful person and I am lucky to have her in my life.
Superpower #4 Works on her flaws
When I told her I was going to write an essay about her she blushed and said, “I don’t think of myself as a hero.” This statement only made me want to write the essay more because a hero is humble.
However my Grandma is human and has flaws, but in those flaws is her personality and like a hero she works on those flaws to become stronger and wiser.
*not his real name
Tweetable: No mention of possessions, fame or fortune in this boy’s essay about his personal hero–his grandmother. Click to tweet
Sep 8, 2015 | Security
One dad has been laying a spiritual foundation for his children based upon the truth about their higher power, as they understand it–God knows you, loves you and cares about you.
This dad shares his approach to helping his children know that they are known by God and loved by God. Notice how precisely his actions display the character of their higher power, combining emotional intelligence and spiritual intelligence.
I make time when my kids want to discuss or emote on any part of their life.
I am creating space to be with them in what they are feeling and thinking. They can express what they’re experiencing and I don’t correct them. Sometimes I have to let go of what I think their outcome should be. Yet I am there to help them navigate out.
However, I also come to them when I am frustrated.
I’ve said out loud that it is hard for me not to get angry or that I’m probably not thinking clearly right now. Without burdening them with inappropriate adult details, I want to show them my emotional state, and how they can recognize their emotional state in what I am saying about mine.
In our interactions, I hope that my children are experiencing what they believe is true about their higher power:
There is a safety in coming to me with anything they feel or think. They won’t be corrected in how they feel. Because I make time and space to listen, I know my children, and I accept the fact that we have our differences, all the time loving and providing for them.
I am proud of their freedom to disagree intensely with people, be in direct conflict with people, but not feel personal offense and intense relational separation from them. They have the comfort of knowing that they are loved by God and us and they can love and respect those with whom they disagree.
How willing are you to share your internal world–including your upsets–with the children in your life?
Tweetable: Can adults display the character or nature of a child’s higher power? This dad gives it a try. Click to Tweet
Aug 31, 2015 | Security
Teens are by nature idealistic thinkers who desire meaning and purpose. They have begun looking around to see what others think and then to evaluate those ideas.
What does TV and popular culture tell us is the main goal of life? What do parents tell us is the main goal of life? What does their church-mosque-temple-etc. tell them is the main goal of life?
Most often, messages about purpose and meaning are not directly stated.
For instance, no TV show or movie I’m aware of says, “The main goal of life is romantic love.” But many make that statement indirectly.
Parents may say all manner of things, and their actions may or may not back up those stated beliefs: “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Saying one thing but meaning something else
Likewise, religious organizations may state one thing but indirectly communicate another. For example, the Westminster catechism (a common creed in Protestant circles) says, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” Yet a church that subscribes to this confession of faith may inadvertently communicate that the main purpose of life is to live a certain lifestyle by a certain set of rules.
Whether mixed messages come from religious institutions, parents, or popular culture, teens are adept at picking up on them quickly.
King Solomon’s great experiment
Try this reading assignment: You and a teen in your life agree to read the book of Ecclesiastes. Taken from ancient sacred writings, it records King Solomon’s great experiment to find meaning in life.
He tried riches, sexual gratification, great projects, education, and other routes to see what activities bring meaning and purpose in this life and what is meaningless—what Solomon calls “a chasing after the wind.”
It’s not a long reading assignment and can lead to some great discussions.
Tweetable: King Solomon’s great experiment to find meaning in life can lead to some great discussions with teens. Click to Tweet
