Feb 3, 2020 | Nurture
Sometimes our good intention to let children form their own spirituality can result in misunderstanding. When they don’t hear us talk about our own faith, they may think we aren’t interested in the topic. Consider taking your turn to answer the questions below.
Main idea: A lot of kids keep silent about their tough questions. If you talk with trusted family members, friends or spiritual leaders about your questions, you usually find these conversations help you.
Meditation: “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtains guidance.” Proverbs 1:5 “In an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14,
Let’s talk: Who do you turn to in your life if you have questions or doubts about God? How have these people helped you in the past?
May 28, 2019 | Nourishment
Kids and summertime. School’s out. Schedules relax. I’m anticipating day trips with my friends and their kids or grandchildren. This quotation inspires me:
“We help each other grow in our families when we look beyond what we already know and imagine new possibilities in the future. This involves trying new things, going new places, and meeting people,” writes Kent Pekel in a Search Institute study. The study makes the following helpful possibilities to try.
Possibilitiies: Trying new things
Introduce children to a person, a family, or an organization coming from a culture different from yours. Visit community festivals, restaurants, and museums to expand a child’s perspective. Explain that meeting people who are different from us can make life more interesting and helps us get along better with others in our world. Discuss ways that this new culture is similar and ways that it is different from your own.
Possibilities: Going new places
Introduce children to new art, music or activities. Visit a museum or a similar organization without the children and find interesting things for them to see and do there. While you are there, plan a scavenger hunt that the children will lead on a later visit. Give children clues to find the things in the museum. Whatever they find, celebrate the hunt and ask the child what she or he thought about the “treasures” they found. Find a creative way to celebrate the child’s participation in the scavenger hunt and the results—whatever they might be.
I’m hoping to do this with a middle school student, her younger sister, and her grandmother. We’ll go to the Huntington Library, Art Collections and Botanical Gardens. And maybe stop at the Gift Store for a prize of her choosing.
The existence of beauty in an art museum is a spiritual quality. Love manifesting itself as loveliness in a botanical garden is a spiritual quality. Life’s spiritual dimension is more prominent than most of us could ever imagine.
Tweetable: Two possibilities to expand a child’s horizon, involving new places, activities and people. Work even harder to help kids develop relationships away from the allure of their online presence. Click to Tweet
Jan 29, 2018 | Nurture
I love a word puzzle or quiz that comes with the answers at the bottom of the column, sometimes upside down — A. What is the name of the highest mountain in Africa? B. What is the largest brass instrument in an orchestra? *
A question I puzzle over as I engage with a child’s spiritual development is — What habits, if instilled with love, will most likely lead kids into a richly satisfying life of doing right by each other and walking humbly with God?
How would you answer this question for the children you love? For me, here would be the upside down answers at the bottom of my column: compassion for other living things, rituals providing structure and safety, and the following —
Forgiveness and humility
One father spoke to me about this commitment: “Because our family acknowledges God’s involvement in our everyday life, we understand that God desires to be with us and this desire doesn’t arise because we are perfect people. We do wrong and make mistakes yet God still loves us. The result is that we as parents are better able to admit our mistakes (which our children recognize anyway), and we model how to tell on ourselves, apologize and show our family how to forgive and move on.”
Gratitude and generosity
Ms. Kerry provides this example in her book Self-Sufficient Kids: “….. “Mackenzie was 13 years old when she began collecting children’s books for shelters in and around Alpharetta, Georgia. It soon became a family project with her 2 brothers, Alex and Benjamin, working alongside her. In total, they have collected and donated over 360,000 books for shelters across the world through their charity, Sheltering Books.”
Seeking God and truth
Erin James, a mother of three, recently told a story of what happened to her last Sunday at church, The congregation sang a hymn and she let go of her anxieties and concerns as she sang the words with her whole heart. She closed her eyes and felt tears well up at the goodness and love of God. Then, “[m]y oldest daughter tapped me on the shoulder while I was praising God and asked me why I was crying and closing my eyes. I whispered to her that I was thanking Him for everything. As I began singing again, I saw my daughter emulating me out of the corner of my eye. It was beautiful to see her, so young and eager to praise the Lord.”
Kids find better answers to life’s puzzles when we are there to light their way.
* A. Mount Kilimanjaro – B. The tuba
Tweetable: What habits, if instilled with love, will most likely lead kids into a richly satisfying life of doing right by each other and walking humbly with God? Read more here. Click to Tweet
Mar 13, 2017 | Direction
I remember playing the fortune teller game as a kid. We would take a piece of paper, write dreamy messages and fortunes on it, then fold it origami-style to predict our future—you will be rich, you will be famous.
Now I try to bless the children in my life with words that picture a future filled with hope.
It’s different from predicting their future, but it can transform the way the future unfolds for the child. Dr. John Trent writes, “With words of a bright future they can begin to work on a particular talent, have the confidence to try out for a school office, or even help guide others into the full potential God has in store for them.” They begin to believe in the positive, hopeful future you paint for them.
Anticipating a hope-filled future is not the same as choosing a child’s future.
Our intent is to encourage children to be the best they can be, not to force them into paths that we followed or wish we had followed. (Not, for example, “You’ll be a wonderful engineer someday!”) Adults who put that kind of pressure on children miss giving them a blessing. To bless a child, encourage the child by noticing intentions and actions. Then follow it up to help the children achieve whatever they decide to be or do.
Isn’t a hope-filled future for children just a pipe dream for some?
No. Over and over in sacred writings, we see God’s offer of blessings toward humankind. These blessings are not directed at making us wealthy, healthy or even happy all the time. There are many different kinds of hope-filled futures.
Regardless of life circumstances God offers inner, spiritual blessings: peace, contentment, fulfillment, wisdom, love, forgiveness, mercy, or an ability to see the holy come bursting through the everyday.
What words are you using to predict a bright future for the children you love? Next week, I will share your ideas and mine as well.
Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas here, are taken from John Trent’s book The Blessing.
Tweetable: Anticipating #hope-filled future not the same as choosing a child’s future. Food for thought offered here. Click to Tweet
Mar 6, 2017 | trust
Adults do three things all the time to express how we value the children in our lives. I’m working at these things. I want to be are good at them because, more than compliments, these actions form a foundation of trust.
1. We keep our mouths shut and let the kid answer questions for himself.
We try to avoid finishing sentences and filling in the blanks for a child in conversations. We don’t answer a question directed at the child, such as “No, Armando won’t like popcorn. He never likes popcorn!” Instead, if he is not answering for himself, we ask, “Armando, your friend’s mom wants to know if you want popcorn. Do you?”
2. We show kids that we highly value our own well-being.
Modeling self-care for a child is an important aspect of teaching what it means to be valued. Taking care of our healthcare, hygiene, psychological and emotional needs are all part of what it means to care for our own well-being. We tell them when we set appointments for ourselves.
We don’t devalue ourselves by minimizing pain. We don’t remain in situations where we’re abused, neglected or mistreated. Because watching their caregivers is how children learn how to care for themselves for the rest of their life.
3. We clarify rules around negative behavior, but still communicate value of the child.
We let children know that even if their behavior is unacceptable in a given situation, we still care about and love them no matter what. They need to hear this repeatedly. Deal with the mistakes, wrong decisions, errors in judgment: “You are a good child, but you did this wrong thing. How could you handle that differently next time?”If a child is learning she’s valued, she’ll be learning to make this distinction in her self-talk as well.
Three additional ways to bless children right now with actions that value them:
- When disagreeing with a child, allow the child to explain their point of view without giving a rebuttal.
- Express your confidence in the child: “I have confidence that you will figure out another way of handling this.”
- Make sure the child can overhear you saying something positive to a friend about the child.
Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas to express a child’s high value are taken from John Trent’s book The Blessing.
Tweetable: Three actions, beyond compliments, to communicate our respect for the children in our life. Click to Tweet
Sometimes our good intention to let children form their own spirituality can result in misunderstanding. When they don’t hear us talk about our own faith, they may think we aren’t interested in the topic. Consider taking your turn to answer the questions below.
