Nov 19, 2018 | trust
Give everybody what they want for Thanksgiving: Offer one harmonious moment of silence and they will thank you. Gratitude expressions–inclusive and authentic–add deeper meaning to the holiday.
If you’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner and your table will include non-religious and religious people of different faiths, you may want to take a look at the Quaker tradition of “silent grace.” It doesn’t exclude anyone. It allows space during the holiday festivities for reflection and thanks. It brings people together.
“Silent grace” before the meal is an inclusive practice.
All present join hands in a circle around the table, and are silent for half a minute or so as they pray, meditate or collect their thoughts. Then the host gently squeezes the hand of the person seated adjacent; this signal is quickly passed around the table and when it returns to the host, people then begin to eat and talk.
Many variations
You can try variations on this simple idea:
- The host ends silent grace, “For what we are about to receive we are truly thankful.”
- A guest is invited to end silent grace, “For the meal we are about to eat and for those with whom we are going to share it, we are thankful.”
Tweetable: Having religious & non-religious guests around your Thanksgiving table? Here’s an inclusive way to express gratitude. Click to Tweet
Oct 15, 2018 | Direction
Robert Fulghum famously said, “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.” Two years after they graduated from kindergarten these girls expanded upon “Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody,” thanks to their mothers joining forces to teach some conflict resolution.
A good friend of mine told me her experience.
“My 7-year-old daughter Sophie came home one day very upset because her best friend Mariah said something insensitive about her height.
Sophie was very short for her age, and sensitive about it. Mariah, who was tall for her age, had no understanding that someone might be sensitive about her height.
I called Mariah’s mom and explained the situation. Both of us wanted to teach our daughters how to work through conflict productively.
Moms and daughters get together.
We set up a meeting time for Sophie to share how she felt, for Mariah to hear, understand it, and apologize, and for Sophie to accept the apology and restore the relationship.
Both girls were afraid, as neither liked conflict, but they worked through the process as we coached them.
The result was a restored friendship, rather than the growing distance that occurs when hurt feelings go unaddressed.
The family gets involved.
Our family was later able to talk about that experience of recognizing when you have done something wrong and using courtesy when asking for and receiving forgiveness.”
Tweetable: Two moms join forces to teach a simple lesson in conflict resolution to their daughters. To what degree are you and your closest friends teaming up for some of these important life lessons? Click to Tweet
Oct 23, 2017 | trust
“Perhaps the most valuable explorations come when children learn that each person is created in the image of God, deserving respect and caring. When children know that they are created in God’s image, their own self-worth is bolstered, and it is safer, and easier, to ask questions about God and the rest of their world,” observed Maxine Handelman. This morning I was reading Handelman’s book, Jewish Every Day, where I found an idea to share.
Making it fun to discover God’s secrets
Have children collect leaves that, at first glance, seem to be exactly alike. As children examine the leaves they will discover that, indeed, no two leaves are identical. Then show children a sheet of postage stamps or a stack of paper plates. The children will discover that these person-made things are all identical.
They have just discovered one of God’s secrets. When people make things using machines, the objects all come out the same. When God makes things in nature, no two things are the same. The question then becomes, “Why did God do that?”
Making it comfortable to talk about God
The easiest–and also the hardest–way to help children explore their questions about God is to make “God-talk” a regular, normal part of our conversation. When [family members] refer to God in a comfortable, regular manner, then children will know it is safe for them to talk about God and safe for them to explore their own understandings of God.
“God may come into the home whether or not a family consciously invites God in,” Marvel Ginsberg notes. “It’s often the children who bring God in through their discoveries and with their questions. If we do not support exploration and wonder with warmth and respect, then eventually God is likely to be conspicuously absent.”
How does your family make God-talk a regular part of daily life?
Tweetable: It’s often the children who bring God into the home through their questions. Make it normal to do so. Click to Tweet
Jul 3, 2017 | trust
“Children carry family secrets. Their powers of observation add to the problem when they see, for example, one parent covering up for another or acting as if everything is okay when it obviously is not,” says author Linda Sibley. She continues…
Guideline #1: Tell children the truth.
In an effort to protect children from the painful side of life, family members often make the mistake of not talking to them about difficult family issues. Unfortunately, not talking to children about what is real does not protect them.
“Children always know…. They just don’t always know what they know.” –John Bradshaw
And when children know something is wrong and no one will talk to them about it at an age-appropriate level, they fill in the blanks for themselves. Their version will include distorted details.”
Truth sets free
In one of Jesus’ best known statements made to the people who believed in him, he declares: “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)
In reality, it is much easier for children to deal with the real truth about family issues than with their made-up version of it. For adults, the toughest part of these conversations is separating the information that children need from our own emotional baggage.
Trust that Jesus was right and give kids the truth they need.
Keep it age-appropriate. Gain your own composure so that you aren’t mixing in your embarrassment, anger or fear.
Guide them toward one or two safe people to tell.
For years, I’ve been leading support groups where children share their concerns with kids their own age under the supervision of a trained facilitator. Parents report that the children feel less anxious and burdened down. Kids realize, often for the first time, that no family is perfect and that other kids have similar feelings and concerns.
Tweetable: Is it better to protect kids from difficult family situations by keeping everything positive? Read more. Click to Tweet
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Jul 11, 2016 | Nourishment
A grandmother in our blog community shared her birthday request with us. She asked her teenage grandsons (currently in foster care) for a special gift that she would appreciate more than any kind of present — a letter telling her how they feel about her.
She told them that the letter could be short or long, handwritten or emailed. With permission, here are lightly edited excerpts from one boy, meant to encourage each of us as we seek to do the best for the children we love.
Dear Grandma,
From Day One you have been there for my brother and me, never giving up on us. Even if we make mindless decisions, you believe there’s good in us. I couldn’t believe it myself a few years ago. Things have changed a lot between the last 4-5 years, for better or worse, but not you.
You’re still involved in our lives, still reminding us to strive for greatness. I don’t understand how you do it. I truly don’t. Your job as a parent is done; you raised two children already and worked more than half your life. Your hip is not what it used to be and you’re still able to come out to our football games and track meets. You really show us the meaning of family.
We live with people who care for us, sure. They have a role in our lives that’s important. The point is they get paid to house us and provide us with the basic things we need. You never got a thing for what you’ve done for me. It’s a small fact that goes without being said, but it makes all the difference.
I don’t need to remind myself of my situation or my past. My world has had pain in it, has had addictions in it, and it has had hate in it. I regret too many things I’ve done, things that shape who I am today.
But I know what kind of person I want to be, what kind of future I see for myself, and everything I have accomplished already wouldn’t be possible without you. I drive you insane most of the time, but nothing is stronger than the bond we have. Grandma, I will love you forever.
Tweetable: Ask & you shall receive. Smart grandma asks teen grandson for birthday letter instead of gift and wow! Click to Tweet
