Mar 16, 2020 | Direction
A New York Times op-ed notes that “many people now avoid religious and spiritual language because they don’t like the way it has been used, misused and abused by others.” Maybe we can help to rekindle confidence in the vocabulary of faith so that the mis-users and abusers will not dominate the conversation.
The blog series, Kids & God @Home, offers a question that gives opportunity for an adult and child or teen to have a conversation of a spiritual nature. Not often. Just often enough to impress that our spirituality is worth talking about.
Conversation starter
Main point: If you love God, you can use any way you want to let God know it. Some kids write a letter to God or draw something that expresses how they feel. Most tell God in words they say out loud or keep in their thoughts. This is called prayer.
Meditation: “The Lord is close to everyone who prays to him, to all who truly pray to him.” Psalm 145:18
Let’s talk: “Some people pray just to pray and some people pray to know God.” (A. Murray) What does that sentence mean? How would you explain it to somebody?
Feb 4, 2019 | Nourishment, Nurture
Over the past 15 years, large strides have been made in the science behind how the brain develops and the settings and contexts that are conducive to learning. It’s brought exciting insights for enriching the human spirit!
Daily settings for increased brain development
Social relationships, emotional experiences and cognitive opportunities provide purposeful learning paths for the brain. Drive conversations causing kids to reflect upon, make sense of, and learn from the often misunderstood spiritual dimension. A child’s world may be seriously impoverished if we don’t.
As the brain develops, so does the human spirit.
The child’s spirit needs hope, and the comfort of knowing that a loving God is with them, watching over them wherever they are, wherever they go. Ask them, “When did you feel God’s love today?” They need to know what to do when they mess up and how to handle guilt. They want to know what God is like, and how to make a personal connection with God.
What we can do
Feed the child’s human spirit when, in responding to their questions and comments about God, we convey God’s love, affection, warmth and tenderness for the child. Make use of nurturing touch, empathy, empowerment, and unconditional love with children, to reflect the heart of our unseen God. Explore your own family’s religious or spiritual traditions to find accurate information about God. Where you find a disconnect here, go to trusted friends and sacred writings for wisdom.
Genuinely pursue a whole-child approach.
Not only are kids more likely to feel at peace with God, but they are more likely to care for others, and to pass that spiritual nurture down to future generations of children in their lives.
*(I read about the brain basis for integrated whole child development emerging from the lab of Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang in USC’s alumni magazine.)
Jan 21, 2019 | Direction
“During my marriage, my ex and I discussed taking our kids to various houses of worship. They were curious about—envious of?—their churchgoing peers. Though we viewed organized religion with suspicion, we still wondered, How would our kids know what they believed about everything if they’d never been exposed to anything?” (Amanda Avutu)
Amanda’s own curiosity guided her response to her kids.
- “What did a spirituality built on the tenets of love and hope look like?
- If I could separate faith from organized religion, could I become a believer?
- What could I gain from contemplating everything I’d summarily dismissed in my youth?
- What did I want to practice—cynicism? Judgment?
- What if—through charitable work, acts of kindness, the lessons I was teaching my children—I had been practicing all along? Maybe I hadn’t forsaken religion; I had just reimagined it.”
Amanda’s way with her children
Recently, I drove the kids to Ebenezer Baptist Church, here in Atlanta, for Sunday service. Save weddings, they’d never been inside a place of worship. We listened to a descendant of Robert E. Lee preach at the pulpit of Martin Luther King, Jr., and I thought, We are all capable of so much more change than we realize.
My children and I now have plans to visit Buddhist, Hindu, and Jewish temples; a mosque; and at least one more church. Not as voyeurs, or converts, but out of openhearted curiosity and respect.
Ideas for your family
Respond actively when children express curiosity or envy over their friends religious/spiritual beliefs.- Work out an age-appropriate plan to explore spirituality with the child. Any combination of these resources is possible:
- Attend houses of worship
- Internet search of faith traditions or ethical systems
- Read together children’s books based upon sacred writings
- Keep your focus on listening to the child’s thoughts; ask follow-up questions to help the child process more deeply; allow the child to lead next steps; give priority to those next steps.
(In an old issue of O magazine, I ran across an article that featured the words of author Amanda Avutu. They struck a chord.)
Tweetable: How #Martin Luther King’s pulpit still enlightens a modern-day family searching for their spiritual identity. Click to Tweet
Aug 21, 2017 | Nurture
The different ways children experience God can be called their spiritual style. With their mind and heart they form a positive relationship with God in the best, most natural way for each of them.
Many styles within the same spiritual tradition
Typically you and the children in your life share a family spiritual tradition but we do not necessarily live out our faith or our ethics in the same ways. Adults will be more effective in helping children make their own discoveries about God and life when we understand their natural impulses (and our own).
The Enthusiastic Style: The child celebrates the power and presence of God through excitement.
Note the items that apply to children in your life to determine whether they posses an enthusiastic style of spirituality.
- For this child, being excited about God is an important aspect of faith.
- The God of this child’s understanding is a God of action.
- It is important to the child to experience coincidences where he believes God is alive and active in the world.
- The child doesn’t want to be bored.
- The child desires to join in on God’s work in the world.
- It is important for the child to feel the presence of God.
- The child likes to pray for things we would call miracles.
Discovery questions for enthusiastic children
- Where did you find yourself laughing, crying, joyful or inspired by something God did?
- What needs do you see that you’d jump at the chance to meet?
- What have you done in your life that you’d love to do more of?
- What experiences do you want to have in your lifetime? How do they relate to God?
- What do you see God is doing all around you?
- Where did you feel God’s powerful presence in a situation?
Adapted from The 3 Colors of Your Spirituality, by Christian A. Schwarz.
Tweetable: Enthusiastic children feel God’s power and presence even when we do not, so don’t discourage them. Click to Tweet
Jul 24, 2017 | Nurture
“A spiritual style is a God-given antenna for the divine.” German philosopher Christian Schwarz’ research into how people connect with God gives insight into the way each child most naturally experiences God.
Many years ago I adapted Mr. Schwarz’ findings for my own personal use with the children in my life and I will pass this along in the next several posts.
The Sensory Style: A child enjoys the works of God through beauty and perception.
Note the items that apply to children in your life to determine whether they likely possess a sensory style of spirituality.
- The child’s awareness of God is very much influenced by artistic or natural beauty.
- You would say that the child is very perceptive to what is happening around him.
- The child’s faith grows with her ability to enjoy nature more fully.
- Art has a high spiritual impact on the child.
- The child frequently perceives God’s presence in the everyday aspects of life where other people see nothing spiritual.
- The child likes to use touch, smell, taste, sight and hearing to encounter God.
- The child enjoys being surrounded by physical objects that have spiritual meaning.
Discovery questions for sensory children
If you notice five or more of these characteristics, the child probably has a well-established pattern of expressing spirituality through their senses.
The following questions may be useful as you seek to strengthen their connection with God:
- What does this show you about God?
- What characteristics of God do you see?
- What do you like about that?
- How does that connect with who God is?
- What thoughts and feelings come up?
- How does that relate to God?
- How do you experience God in this?
Coming up: The Rational Style
Adapted from The 3 Colors of Your Spirituality, by Christian A. Schwarz.
Tweetable: A sensory child enjoys the works of God through beauty and perception. Read more here. Click to Tweet
A New York Times op-ed notes that “many people now avoid religious and spiritual language because they don’t like the way it has been used, misused and abused by others.” Maybe we can help to rekindle confidence in the vocabulary of faith so that the mis-users and abusers will not dominate the conversation.
