Children think about God. They like to talk about God. Each person experiences God in a different way, and some not much at all. Some adults consider it a private matter, hesitating to speak of it even with the children we love most. It can be difficult for kids to learn responsiveness to God if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy.
How many of these statements are true of you?
I pray in front of the child.
I give concrete examples of when I have seen God at work in or around me, and how I responded to seeing that.
I worship and highly esteem God, even more than I worship success, entertainment, money, or other people.
Sometimes I start a conversation with the child: “I see God in that person. Do you want to know how?”
When I see a stranger doing a random act of kindness I point it out to the child.
Consider each idea in turn, from the list above.
In which have you already engaged with specific children? What was their response?
Is there one you want to try? With which children?
Remember, you have the option to adapt the ideas to fit with your understanding of God, if necessary.
When you read the example below, in what specific ways do you see the mother modeling and teaching responsiveness to God?
When I was making a difficult decision about whether to take a particular job in another state, I intentionally decided to let my 9-year-old son in on my process. I told him about the opportunity and we made a Pros and Cons list, but we didn’t stop there.
I told him I wanted to pray to God about what God would want me to do. I asked my son if he would also pray and listen for whatever God might be telling him, especially since this decision affected him, too.
We prayed and talked together over the course of a few weeks, and eventually came to the same conclusion. This new job would provide many more opportunities for me to help people were were sick and in need. (I am in the medical field.)
There was nothing crucial to keep us in the location where we were. Even though the money would be less, we both felt released by God to move so that I could take this new opportunity.
Tweetable: It can be difficult for kids to learn spiritual responsiveness if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy.Click to Tweet
When adults try to help children relate to others authentically, we generally promote qualities like patience, forgiveness, honesty, love, etc. These come to us by way of our human spirit. Strong spiritual awareness can figure prominently into our ability to form healthy relationships.
We become the live action video.
To help children develop these qualities means we must model them ourselves.We become the live action video– the indelible image of how to form authentic relationships.
To what degree have you practiced behaviors like these with the important children in your life?
The child observes occasions when my actions and words respect persons different from me, allowing us to engage in dialogue about how to treat people with respect.
Since people offend me at times, and the child knows about it, I am open about my ups and downs on the road to forgiveness and reconciliation.
I model and encourage time for social gatherings, including spiritual or religious services.
The child sees me listen to someone’s spiritual journey without injecting my own opinion.
I encourage the child to find trusted adults besides me with whom they can talk about life and God.
You will adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition.
Remember that in some cases you may need to adapt them to fit with your spiritual tradition, the qualities you value, and even your culture. For example, in #1 above, different people might reconcile “treat people with respect” with “standing up for oneself” in different ways. Here’s one mother’s experience:
My 7-year-old daughter Sophie came home one day very upset because her best friend Mariah said something insensitive about her height.
Sophie was very short for her age, and sensitive about it. Mariah, who was tall for her age, had no understanding that someone might be sensitive about her height.
I called Mariah’s mom and explained the situation. Both of us wanted to teach our daughters how to work through conflict productively.
We set up a meeting time for Sophie to share how she felt, for Mariah to hear, understand it, and apologize, and for Sophie to accept the apology and restore the relationship.
Both girls were afraid, as neither liked conflict, but they worked through the process as we coached them.
The result was a restored friendship, rather than the growing distance that occurs when hurt feelings go unaddressed.
Our family was later able to talk about that experience of recognizing when you have done something wrong, then asking for and receiving forgiveness, in the context of our Catholic tradition.
Tweetable: To what degree are you modeling authentic relationships for the important children in your life? Click to Tweet
I’m not the first one to notice the earnest way children talk about and ask about God. They are curious. After all, they can hear about God almost every day. On the playground, at the park, at the zoo, basically anywhere people are talking: Oh my God. Oh God, no! Goddammit! I swear to God….
They are curious about this. Children want to talk about and ask about God.
Who is God? Why can’t I see God? Where does God live and is his mom there? How old is God? Is God a person? Was God born from an Easter egg?
Notice these two children who expected and responded to a God who cares, nourishes and feeds. It’s their natural instinct:
“When my pet cat died I wanted to know where my cat went, why she couldn’t come back, etc. I was completely satisfied with my parents’ answers of ‘She went to heaven; God is watching over her now.’ That’s when I realized there was some other higher being out there. I felt peace. I remember it distinctly. It was peace knowing that there was someone watching and caring for us that we couldn’t see or touch, but they were out there.”
“Around age four I was hungry to read stories from a large Reader’s Digest Bible Story Book that my Mom had ordered. We didn’t go to church so these stories were completely new to me. I was amazed and was so drawn by the stories read to me by my Mom and sister.”
We nurture the human spirit when, in responding to questions and comments about God, we convey God’s love, affection, warmth and tenderness for the child, despite any reservations of our own we may have.
Tweetable:
Two different parents respond to their child’s natural instinct to ask questions about God. Click to Tweet
Parents should respond positively to kids’ questions about God despite their own reservations. Click to Tweet
“It took me years to figure out what my kids aren’t getting, so I could go out and get it.”
Disappointment hung on these words: because of a lack of knowledge; for the difficulty of facing down what’s fragile in life; for the uncertainty around what really matters in the end.
In the same breath, hope burns brightly.
This parent went out and got it—decided what investments to make in the child and took steps to make it happen.
The legacy I want to leave through this blog is connected to this parent’s statement.
I want every reader to discover your unique role and responsibilities within the spiritual development of the important children in your life and to achieve it with excellence.
With the five minutes of your time each week it takes to read Child-Centered Spirituality…..
….I challenge you to reflect, evaluate and act now. I ask questions like, “How can I promote a fulfilling, meaningful life for this child?” “How should I respond to the hard questions?” “How do I engage with children about the wrongs I have done?” “What will I leave behind as a legacy?”
I try to increase your awareness of what children are and are not getting from you.
I do this by giving ideas for forming new habits of engagement with children, rather than just letting life happen to you in the same old way.
In the weeks following my mother’s death in August, an insight dawned: My parents equipped me fully to live without them. I have everything I need for life.
How did they do this? Not perfectly by any external standard. But they did it perfectly for me. I have been able to fill in the missing parts, learned from the hardships and joys of life. It hasn’t been all good but all things have worked together for good in my life.
Standing on this foundation, I write each week.
In addition, several talented people collaborate with me in the writing and distribution of the blog. Tara Miller edits and contributes ideas. Alisha Ule assists with social media. Annette Schalk does the German translation. Ryan Schultz provides technical support.
Thanks to all of my readers on this 2nd anniversary of the Child-centered Spirituality blog!
Your Likes, Shares and Comments lift my spirit, and for the most frequent of these, I say a special thanks to Bob L, Richard M, Patricia G, Laura L, Aloyce L, Megan R, Michelle U, and Shan S.
Tweetable: A blog where you actually get practical ideas so that kids get from you what they need for spiritual development. Click to Tweet
A teenage girl was recently asked to babysit for a family. Her response? “Sure. Those were the only kids at the party who said ‘thank you’ when I handed out treats. They’re really polite.” (And this from a 15-year-old who was too shy to say thank you when she was 5 and really had to work at it!)
The simple act of saying “Thank you” can dramatically impact people’s impression of you.It’s an important skill to teach the children in our lives.
Even if children feel gratitude, they don’t automatically know to say thank you.
They need to be taught… and they need to see the same thing modeled by the important adults in their lives.
In four minutes or less, you can increase a child’s social skills level.After all, to move grateful feelings into creative expression is a skill… and skills take practice. December is an ideal time to practice, with its added occasions to acknowledge hospitality and gifts.
In 4 minutes or less:
Say thank you in person when you see them the next time. (Program a Reminder for yourself when you know that children are going to see the giver so that you can coach them on what to say.)
Phone call
Take a picture of the child using or wearing the gift and send to the giver’s smartphone with a few words of thanks attached.
Template – Provide samples for a written Thank You but be wary of imposing your standards.
Post card – Very fast when combined with a template
5-10 minutes:
Video clip and send to the giver’s smartphone
Acrostic of Thanks or Thank You
Craft supplies – One dad said, “My favorite was one for my son’s friends who gave him art supplies, which he used to draw a panda on the thank you card, accompanied by ‘p.s. I drew a panda.’ ”
Written note with template provided – and if you address the envelope, this drops to 4 minutes or less.
Round robin – One card or paper on which the whole family adds their notes
Food – especially for hospitality (granola, gourmet spices)
Paper chain – each family member writes on a link
Know your individual family members or friends:
One mom says, “It’s funny how in some families it’s no big deal but for others not sending a thank you note is the equivalent of saying, ‘We didn’t give a damn about your gift!'”
“What are you doing? You sent me a thank you card? We are sisters!” she said in an outraged tone. “Save that for the cousins. If you start sending them to me, I have to send them to you and it all gets out of control.”
Expressing thanks is both a social skill and a spiritual experience.
Our human spirit responds to the benefits, favors, generosity and kindness of others, including God. Even toddlers.
Tweetable: Help your child make a good impression by insisting they learn various ways to say Thank You. Click to tweet
How do we do that in a way that informs, yet leaves the door open to explore and journey and be curious as they grow up? What words can we use to introduce God in such a way as to do the child no harm?
Here is a description of God that may prove useful, written in a child’s vocabulary.
This view is acknowledged in every area of the world from sub-Saharan Africa and tribes in the South Pacific to urban centers in Europe, farms in the Americas, and Middle Eastern deserts.
It is not the view of a particular religion, yet is found in the majority of world religions. It is mainstream.
Who is God?
God is a being. God does not have a body. God is invisible. People are beings too—human beings. God is a being who is greater than human beings. You can’t see God but you know He* is there. God has always been there.
God is love. All love comes from God.
God knows everything. He knows what will happen in the future. God knows what you are thinking. God knows all the facts about any subject you can imagine.
God is everywhere at once. He is not limited by time or space.
God does only what is right, good and just.
God has no beginning and he has no end.
God is pure. There is nothing evil about God.
God has unlimited power and authority.
God never changes. He is the same today as God has always been.
God is one-of-a-kind.
God makes himself known by displaying these qualities so that any child can recognize them. The human mind cannot understand God completely. God exceeds our brain’s capacity. But you can understand a lot about God.
*God is spirit, but I use the male pronoun because it is what I encounter most often when people talk about God.You may substitute the female pronoun if you wish.
Tweetables:
God exceeds our brain’s capacity but a child can understand a lot about God. See the basics here. Click to Tweet
Wondering what to say when a child asks about God? Here’s a description that does no harm. Click to Tweet
Children think about God. They like to talk about God. Each person experiences God in a different way, and some not much at all. Some adults consider it a private matter, hesitating to speak of it even with the children we love most. It can be difficult for kids to learn responsiveness to God if we won’t give up a bit of our privacy.
When I was making a difficult decision about whether to take a particular job in another state, I intentionally decided to let my 9-year-old son in on my process. I told him about the opportunity and we made a Pros and Cons list, but we didn’t stop there.
The result was a restored friendship, rather than the growing distance that occurs when hurt feelings go unaddressed.
I’m not the first one to notice the earnest way children talk about and ask about God. They are curious. After all, they can hear about God almost every day. On the playground, at the park, at the zoo, basically anywhere people are talking: Oh my God. Oh God, no! Goddammit! I swear to God….
“When my pet cat died I wanted to know where my cat went, why she couldn’t come back, etc. I was completely satisfied with my parents’ answers of ‘She went to heaven; God is watching over her now.’ That’s when I realized there was some other higher being out there. I felt peace. I remember it distinctly. It was peace knowing that there was someone watching and caring for us that we couldn’t see or touch, but they were out there.”
“Around age four I was hungry to read stories from a large Reader’s Digest Bible Story Book that my Mom had ordered. We didn’t go to church so these stories were completely new to me. I was amazed and was so drawn by the stories read to me by my Mom and sister.”
In the same breath, hope burns brightly.
I try to increase your awareness of what children are and are not getting from you.
Thanks to all of my readers on this 2nd anniversary of the Child-centered Spirituality blog!
A teenage girl was recently asked to babysit for a family. Her response? “Sure. Those were the only kids at the party who said ‘thank you’ when I handed out treats. They’re really polite.” (And this from a 15-year-old who was too shy to say thank you when she was 5 and really had to work at it!)