Mar 6, 2017 | trust
Adults do three things all the time to express how we value the children in our lives. I’m working at these things. I want to be are good at them because, more than compliments, these actions form a foundation of trust.
1. We keep our mouths shut and let the kid answer questions for himself.
We try to avoid finishing sentences and filling in the blanks for a child in conversations. We don’t answer a question directed at the child, such as “No, Armando won’t like popcorn. He never likes popcorn!” Instead, if he is not answering for himself, we ask, “Armando, your friend’s mom wants to know if you want popcorn. Do you?”
2. We show kids that we highly value our own well-being.
Modeling self-care for a child is an important aspect of teaching what it means to be valued. Taking care of our healthcare, hygiene, psychological and emotional needs are all part of what it means to care for our own well-being. We tell them when we set appointments for ourselves.
We don’t devalue ourselves by minimizing pain. We don’t remain in situations where we’re abused, neglected or mistreated. Because watching their caregivers is how children learn how to care for themselves for the rest of their life.
3. We clarify rules around negative behavior, but still communicate value of the child.
We let children know that even if their behavior is unacceptable in a given situation, we still care about and love them no matter what. They need to hear this repeatedly. Deal with the mistakes, wrong decisions, errors in judgment: “You are a good child, but you did this wrong thing. How could you handle that differently next time?”If a child is learning she’s valued, she’ll be learning to make this distinction in her self-talk as well.
Three additional ways to bless children right now with actions that value them:
- When disagreeing with a child, allow the child to explain their point of view without giving a rebuttal.
- Express your confidence in the child: “I have confidence that you will figure out another way of handling this.”
- Make sure the child can overhear you saying something positive to a friend about the child.
Note: The concept of the blessing, along with some of the ideas to express a child’s high value are taken from John Trent’s book The Blessing.
Tweetable: Three actions, beyond compliments, to communicate our respect for the children in our life. Click to Tweet
Dec 12, 2016 | trust
As we approach the 3rd anniversary of our blog, I give thanks for the trust many of you have placed in us as we offer wisdom for the most important children in your life. I can’t express enough my gratitude for our incredible Child-Centered Spirituality team and the joy every member takes in making the posts and articles happen at a high standard.
- Tara Miller
- Alisha Ule
- Annette Schalk
- Michelle Coe
Our imperative
Our imperative is to clarify why the health of a child’s soul and spirit is worth your engagement, fitting it with their emotional, mental and physical development.
Our aim is not answers but growth in spiritual development.
We seek to inspire you through a relatable story, to make you laugh or think, and to add value to your interactions with children. We hope any of our ideas that you choose to try make it easier for you to respond confidently when kids bring up life’s intangibles such as morality, conscience, God, character, purpose and more.
As we begin Year 4, together we will allow ourselves to be open to spiritual explorations and the directions they will take us. We’re figuring it out as we go, stumbling along, celebrating our progress, and loving the children in our lives the best we can.
Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.
–Buddha
Tweetable: Happy 3rd Anniversary, Child-Centered Spirituality. Making room for persons of all faiths and of no faith. Click to Tweet
Nov 28, 2016 | trust
Affan Abdullah is a Muslim American. He doesn’t celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. He feels, however, that we can find basic common ground and beliefs, no matter our faith or non-faith.* What is this common ground?
We offer each other holiday wishes, often along these lines:
- A wish that we all will live up to the values the holidays represent, not just talk about them.
- A wish that we will live into the spirit of the season, helping those who need it and sharing with others from whatever we have.
What is the spirit of Christmas?
For children old enough to recognize that difficulties, trouble and disappointments have entered their lives, Christmas offers hope. Tradition records that Jesus described humanity as filled with both the characteristics of God and with self-defeating tendencies. Christmas brings the hope that good will overcome the bad, and Jesus laid out his way of doing that.- The need for community and fellowship. Jan Sutton sees the weeks of festivities and reunions as a way to hold communities together. She points out that there is nothing religious about giving and generosity.*
- Spiritual intensity. Marianne Williamson, herself a non-Christian offer this: “One doesn’t have to be a Christian to appreciate the fact that Jesus is a magnificent spiritual force. Jesus gives to Christmas its spiritual intensity, hidden behind all the… sounds of the season.”
“Because no words are as powerful as our human lives.” (Scott Korb)
We can respect the powerful life of Jesus as a figure of peace and authentic justice….. Jesus as someone who fed the poor and comforted the grieving. Christians remind themselves of the good work Jesus began and of his call to do them to do likewise.
Tweetable: Christmas brings hope to children and all of us that the good will overcome the bad. Click to Tweet
Children need to know there are so many ways spirituality fosters community, not division and strife. Click to Tweet
*USA Today, 12/21/14
Nov 21, 2016 | trust
If you’re hosting Thanksgiving dinner and your table will include non-religious and religious people of different faiths, you may want to take a look at the Quaker tradition of “silent grace.” It doesn’t exclude anyone. It allows space during the holiday festivities for reflection and thanks.
“Silent grace” before the meal
All present join hands in a circle around the table, and are silent for half a minute or so as they pray, meditate or collect their thoughts. Then the host gently squeezes the hand of the person seated adjacent; this signal is quickly passed around the table and when it returns to the host, people then begin to eat and talk.
Many variations
You can try variations on this simple idea:
- The host ends silent grace, “For what we are about to receive we are truly thankful.”
- A guest is invited to end silent grace, “For the meal we are about to eat and for those with whom we are going to share it, we are thankful.”
Tweetable: Having religious & non-religious guests around your Thanksgiving table? Here’s a way to express gratitude. Click to Tweet
Sep 26, 2016 | trust
Recently I was with a friend and her grandchildren for lunch at an open-air market, followed by a visit to a museum. The girls knew they were going to get a souvenir of our adventure together.
At the market, 8-year-old Sasha wanted a package of stars that glow in the dark. Her grandmother reminded her that she could get one souvenir, and that the museum had a great gift shop. Sasha insisted on getting the stars.
Of course, later at the museum store I walked with Sasha who began choosing from the array of wonderful items to buy, disappointed that she already had her souvenir. “That’s difficult,” I said, “what would have helped you make a better choice?” And we chatted about what she plans to do next time.
The right kind of trouble teaches how to handle frustration when the world doesn’t go your way.
Trouble helps children develop endurance. Endurance develops strength of character. Character strengthens our confident hope and this hope will not lead to disappointment. So it is exactly these teachable moments in which we want to be fully present with children.
Remain mindful—so that we stay connected. Be clear–so that we are spiritual navigators, teaching and modeling right speech, good intention, right action.
Notice and label when you are having trouble.
Brooke Brogle shares her experience:
She said to her young children: “I am having trouble! I have tried three times to fix the vacuum and it is just not working! I am going to take a break. I will come back and try when I am feeling calmer.”
Guide young children through their frustrations.
“You seem so frustrated! I see that you have been trying to build that tower and it keeps falling down! Let’s have a snack and then try again together.”
At 19, a young woman completing her high school education had these wise words.
“I am thankful for every bad choice I ever made and every person put in my path to give me a hard time. I made many mistakes, but those same mistakes have made the person I am today. Life isn’t easy but it is worth fighting for.”
Tweetable: The right kind of trouble helps children develop endurance and endurance leads to strength of character. Click to Tweet
Dec 28, 2015 | trust
Although children often say they see spirituality differently, many adults insist either that we need never bring up spiritual matters at all or that we must instill our own beliefs about God into children.
Assumption #1: Spiritual matters are of little importance to children.
The first option may be found among adults who assume that spiritual matters are of little importance to children. The upshot can be to discourage open-minded exploration and discovery where almost all children are curious. Or simply to eliminate yourself as an interested party when children reach out to talk with someone about life and death and meaning.
Assumption #2: Children are blank slates.
The second option is common among more religious adults. The assumption is that children are blank slates, having no natural engagement with God on their own, and therefore need to be taught.
Sometimes the results can be damaging: children feeling forced into rigid belief systems at a time when they more naturally lean toward possibilities and questions. That can lead children to run from the very mention of God.
There is a third way…. Assumption #3: Spirituality already exists in the heart of every child.
What if we listen to and nurture what God has already placed inside of them? What if we serve more as guides or even fellow journeyers than we do as teachers?
What if we work on the assumption that spirituality already exists inside the heart of every child and that God is already active there? Maybe that’s a cleaner window into their spirit.
And our role is not to tell them what to see out the window or to close the curtains on the window, but to facilitate and encourage them so they can see clearly for themselves.
Tweetable: If you’re a child, you want someone to pay closer attention to your human spirit and you deserve it. Click to Tweet
