Boston University professor Dr. Nancy Ammerman organizes spiritual and religious experiences into four packages. I share her research as one way to help children understand and define these terms.
1) Godless (nontheistic) spirituality
Spirituality is not framed in terms of God but rather as a kind of transcendence that is “bigger than me” and beyond the ordinary. A secularist from Atlanta said:
Experiencing things that are calming and healing in what might almost be a spiritual way–I’ve had that from lots of things: music, movies that I love, and books.
2) God-centered spirituality
Spirituality is about God, especially one’s relationship with God, and any mysterious encounters or happenings that result from it.
I love to be out on a boat on the ocean for the same reason I like to be in my garden, ’cause I feel close to the Lord and the beauty of the world.
3) Ethical spirituality
Spirituality is living a virtuous life by helping others and transcending one’s own selfish interests to seek what is right. This is a definition of spirituality that all survey respondents, from the most conservative Christian to the secular neo-pagan, agreed was the essence of authentic spirituality.
4) Belief and belonging
This spirituality package is defined differently by those who are active in a religion and those who are not. Ammerman wrote,
Believing, for instance, could either be a way of talking about devout spirituality or a way of describing superstition. Belonging can represent a positive identity or a symbol of being trapped in an authoritarian tradition. Tension between the two definitions sheds some light on why people would describe themselves as spiritual but not religious.
Conclusions of interest to children:
Spiritual and Religious are rarely at odds but intersect often in the daily lives of people as they describe their spirituality.
When conflicts/tensions arise it is almost always when individuals/groups use religion to draw political and moral boundaries.
Research shows more common than uncommon spiritual practices and beliefs between those who say they are religious and those who don’t.
Link to complete article by journalist Matthew Brown.
Tweetable:
Get help here when your older kids ask the difference between religious and spiritual. Click to tweet
No. God keeps loving you the same whether you make a wrong choice or a right one.*
But God often provides a consequence.
It might come through your teacher, or from your conscience and you feel miserable the rest of the day, maybe have trouble sleeping that night.
God loves you but God is not pleased with hateful, lying, mean behavior.
Consequences are an important way God expresses love to you.
Sometimes consequences from bad behavior leave you feeling guilty, embarrassed or mad.
You might lose a friend.
Occasionally you have to find jobs to do in order to earn money to pay for damage done.
Your family can start to doubt you and act suspicious of you for a long time when your words or actions break their trust.
God hopes you will choose wisely next time because he wants a good life for you, a life of love.
God is for you, not against you. He knows that a good life comes when you live by God’s rules.
Consequences from good behavior give you a happy feeling.
Often you feel that God is pleased with you and proud of you. In fact, one great way to let God know you love him — follow his rules of life.
Many people say that he had people write them down and put them in a book. Different religions have different books: The Torah, The Bible, The Koran. For the most part, these different books will have similar teachings about right and wrong — no lying, stealing or killing. And treat others the way you want to be treated.
You might have a book like this at your house.
For sure you can find one on the computer. Ask an adult you trust. They may have a children’s version of the book and they can help you find some of those rules.
Tweetable: Consequences, not punishment, is how many people prefer to explain God’s response to wrongdoing. Click to Tweet
Young children generally experience Christmas like they do Halloween: one is a time to get presents and the other is a time to get candy.
Older children are more likely to hear friends speak of Christmas as Jesus’ birthday, which may give rise to questions about why Jesus is so important that his birthday is a holiday.
I asked some adults this question and here’s what they say
Jesus was a good teacher. We can read the book of Luke in the Bible to learn more about what he taught.
Jesus was born, not just as an ordinary baby, but sent by God to show us how to get closer to God and understand God better.
Jesus was God’s gift to us, so we celebrate his birthday by giving gifts to each other.
It is not only Jesus’ teachings which make him so remarkable
…although these would be enough to give him a holiday of his own. It is a combination of the teachings with the man himself.
Here’s what Jesus himself said about why he came into the world
My purpose is to give you a full and satisfying life.
I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.
The one who sent me is with me–I always do what pleases him.
Ask children why he gets his own holiday
Ask them what they think about Jesus and Christmas. Their answers in this 2 minute video may surprise you, bring you the biggest smile (laugh) of your day, and inspire you to ask them some questions.
Tweetable: Children try to answer simple questions about Christmas in a 2 minute video here. Click to Tweet
Here’s a summary of my favorite approach to answering many questions asked by children:
Some people think X
Some people think Y
Some people think Z
[optional] I think Z because___
What do you think?
Here is how this approach plays out with Santa…
Take a question that comes up in some families at this time of year. There are many opinions on this subject. Below are quotes from children about whether Santa is real, courtesy of Answers.com, and in general they can be broken down into three categories.
The first group of children says that Santa is real
He wears a red suit, and he lives at the North Pole, making presents for kids and delivering them all over the world on Christmas Eve in his sleigh.
Yes, Santa WAS a real man. He lived in Turkey.
Santa is real and everyone knows it! He is so real because he has brought me presents every year and he will do the same every year. I love him too!
The second group of children says that Santa doesn’t exist
….and those things are impossible.
Totally not, it is just a silly rumor to get children to do what they are told.
No, sorry. He was derived from a person named to be St. Nicholas. He gave toys to children, and wore red bishop’s clothing. He also is believed to have dropped things down chimneys at night, to avoid being seen. But this was a long time ago and he died.
No there is no Santa as we know him, but there are nice people out there who are like mini-Santas. So yes your mom or dad were buying the presents, and there’s no point writing letters. I actually cried when my mom first told me.
The third group admits that he doesn’t have a tactile presence but is nonetheless real
… in the hearts and minds of parents and children and in the spirit of Christmas. We as a society make him real.
Well, Santa Clause is sort of real and sort of not because St Nicholas is Santa Claus and he lived a long time ago and gave to the poor and the wealthy making gifts out of wood.
Santa Claus is real to some people but not to others. He is real to all those who believe. Keep believing!
Tweetable: Here’s an idea of what to say when #children ask if #Santa is real. Click to Tweet
Sooner or later, every child sees trouble coming into life. Things go wrong. When their questions come up, this perspective– written in a child’s vocabulary– may help you talk about it.
Even as a young child you feel anger, disappointment, grief, pain, loss. You might not like the design of your body, the parents you got or didn’t get. You are surprised when you first learn that adults aren’t always fair or kind. You are sad when the people who are supposed to keep you safe don’t do their job. You feel helpless when bad things happen or no one listens to you.
God understands everything you feel inside.
He is always with you. He brings you comfort by being right there with you and never leaving you alone.
So why doesn’t God make it go away?
He is powerful and he could make people do what’s right. He could make people stop. He could see to it that everyone has enough food and a home to live in.
Yes, he could, if he wanted to control people’s lives. He would have to eliminate choice so that no one ever chose to do wrong or make trouble again.
What kind of world would this be if God forced people to do right?
Or insisted that they feel happy all the time? Wouldn’t God become the dictator of the whole world? What kind of person would you be? Your freedom would be gone. You could not make choices.
Trouble is here to stay, and with it, people’s right to think their own kind or cruel thoughts, feel their own hate or love, do good or bad. Remember that in your troubles you have God who shares them with you. You can put complete trust in God’s intention to bless you, not harm you.
Tweetable:
Try a different perspective when kids ask why God doesn’t stop trouble. Click to Tweet
1) Godless (nontheistic) spirituality
2) God-centered spirituality
3) Ethical spirituality
4) Belief and belonging
No. God keeps loving you the same whether you make a wrong choice or a right one.*
Sometimes consequences from bad behavior leave you feeling guilty, embarrassed or mad.
Consequences from good behavior give you a happy feeling.
The first group of children says that Santa is real
The second group of children says that Santa doesn’t exist
The third group admits that he doesn’t have a tactile presence but is nonetheless real
