A child’s human spirit and conscience develop like a new building under construction with scaffolding around it. Parents and other adults provide a framework for support, but the child is the one under development. The point is the child—or the building.
Everybody looks past the scaffolding
They are trying to see around or through the scaffolding to get an idea of what the building is going to look like. So it doesn’t matter what scaffolding looks like, as long as it serves its purpose.
Instead of worrying about what others think of our efforts, what if we keep our focus on the best interests of the child?
What will help develop their human spirit?
Letting them make mistakes. Not covering those mistakes up, but helping them process wrongdoing so they can learn from it.
Serving as a sounding board as they think, reflect, and make the kind of internal changes that will allow them to grow.
A friend of mine is struggling with oncoming empty nest syndrome
Two children who have left the nest are doing great, and one is still in high school and becoming very independent. When her second child left home recently, I sent her a note of encouragement saying,
You are now a masters-level parent. They can do much more on their own now, and that’s a sign of success.
When scaffolding is no longer needed, it goes away.
I’d argue that this removal of support doesn’t happen all of a sudden at age 18, but gradually throughout childhood and the teen years as kids take on more responsibility and make wise choices more consistently.
Paradoxically, the sign of good parenting is when they don’t need you anymore.
Tweetable: A child’s human spirit and conscience develop like a new building under construction with scaffolding around it. Click to Tweet
Our rules for children are tools we use to protect them from the damage that results from violating natural law. Until they grow up to understand and incorporate moral laws into their own minds and hearts, they need our rules.
Children easily see how violations of the physical law of gravity will injure them if they’ve jumped off a wall that’s too high, but perhaps have a more difficult time seeing how breaking moral laws will weaken their reason and conscience. They need our help in forming their internal guidance system.
Adults understand the universal laws that govern life,
like the laws of justice or gravity or liberty–laws that are both natural and moral. We know that these laws are not arbitrary–violations of these principles bring destruction in their wake.
Isn’t that why we start with simple rules when children are young?
Your 3-year-old knows he must brush his teeth before bedtime each night and that is because you understand the law behind the rule (the second law of thermodynamics which states that things tend toward disorder). If your child doesn’t brush his teeth, they will decay. You insist on instilling this habit because you know what cavities can lead to, even though he does not.
As children mature we help them understand the reasons for the rules.
We communicate verbally and non-verbally that we are most concerned about how breaking moral laws degrades the mental faculties that recognize and respond to good.
At a time when the Buddha was teaching his son Rahula to live a life of integrity, the eight-year-old told a deliberate lie. Nearby was a bowl with very little water left in it. The Buddha asked, “Rahula, do you see the small quantity of water left in the bowl?” “Yes,” replied Rahula. “As little as this,” the Buddha said, “is the spiritual life of someone who is not ashamed at telling a deliberate lie.”
Tweetable:
Children need our help in forming their internal guidance system. Click to Tweet
Sooner or later, every child sees trouble coming into life. Things go wrong. When their questions come up, this perspective– written in a child’s vocabulary– may help you talk about it.
Even as a young child you feel anger, disappointment, grief, pain, loss. You might not like the design of your body, the parents you got or didn’t get. You are surprised when you first learn that adults aren’t always fair or kind. You are sad when the people who are supposed to keep you safe don’t do their job. You feel helpless when bad things happen or no one listens to you.
God understands everything you feel inside.
He is always with you. He brings you comfort by being right there with you and never leaving you alone.
So why doesn’t God make it go away?
He is powerful and he could make people do what’s right. He could make people stop. He could see to it that everyone has enough food and a home to live in.
Yes, he could, if he wanted to control people’s lives. He would have to eliminate choice so that no one ever chose to do wrong or make trouble again.
What kind of world would this be if God forced people to do right?
Or insisted that they feel happy all the time? Wouldn’t God become the dictator of the whole world? What kind of person would you be? Your freedom would be gone. You could not make choices.
Trouble is here to stay, and with it, people’s right to think their own kind or cruel thoughts, feel their own hate or love, do good or bad. Remember that in your troubles you have God who shares them with you. You can put complete trust in God’s intention to bless you, not harm you.
Tweetable:
Try a different perspective when kids ask why God doesn’t stop trouble. Click to Tweet
A mother’s work is never done. The same could be said of a teacher. In this environment of budget cuts and layoffs, teachers often are called upon to be teacher, nurse, counselor, parent, custodian, judge/jury and cafeteria worker.
Entering a new school year, some parents and caregivers may not realize the combined frustrations and desires in the heart of their child’s teachers. As you read, maybe ideas will spark of how your human spirit can reach out to your child’s teachers this year.
School policy and curriculum govern the position of classroom teacher.
My friend Roshaun, who works in a school district of almost 700,000 students, says: I have been teaching for over 14 years and the job has changed so much. The position is more political. High-stakes testing has replaced real, genuine learning.
Each year we teachers are faced with the newest fad in education and told to implement it perfectly–and our job performance will be measured by that. Huh? My thoughts exactly. This has made my job very difficult and less enjoyable.
The job involves so much more than compliance with standards.
With his focus firmly rooted in content and skills to prepare his students for success, Roshaun still engages their human spirit:
I try to create an atmosphere of empathy and care. I spend a few minutes each day to create ‘teachable moments’ about how we treat one another and how our words and actions affect others. In other words, I’m teaching them the principle of how to treat your neighbor as yourself.
Watch this video about rituals of human connection in a classroom setting.
Pay attention to how you feel. See the way teachers partner with you to develop the human spirit in addition to promoting intellectual development.
Tweetable:
Entering a new school year, parents may not realize the combined frustrations and desires in the heart of their child’s teacher. Click to Tweet
Teachers focus on content and skills to prepare kids for success but they still engage their human spirit. Click to Tweet
My interviews reveal that after, “Who is God?” the next most common question kids ask concerns how we know God is there. They ask, “Why can’t I see God?” “How do we know who God is if we can’t see him?” “Where is he and how can you prove it?”
Below is a possible response to that question in a child’s vocabulary.
Observe the results.
God is invisible. Gravity, oxygen, electricity, and love are also invisible. You know God is there the same way you know that any invisible thing is there: you observe the results of its presence. It’s like feeling the wind on your cheek. You can’t see the wind itself, but you can see its effects. It’s similar with electricity: unplug your refrigerator, full of food, come back in a week and open the door. You will smell what happens when invisible electricity is cut off!
Read firsthand reports.
Even if you are not able to observe results for yourself, you can test the presence of an invisible substance from reports of others who have firsthand knowledge. You can determine if they’re credible, like astronauts who have been to places where there is no oxygen. Those astronauts report that they were unable to breathe on the moon, yet they can breathe on Earth because of oxygen’s invisible presence.
Apply these tests yourself.
Apply these tests to prove to yourself that God is really there: First, observe for yourself the results of his presence. Perhaps you can think of a time when you were challenged by a big obstacle and you knew you needed someone to help you. God was willing to be that someone. You prayed to God and you did not feel alone. You observed that God was guiding you through the obstacles by supporting you. Second, test whether God is really there by reading and listening to reports of people who have firsthand knowledge of God.
With these two ideas, an adult can provide for a child’s spiritual needs with increased confidence.
Tweetable:
Finally, two concrete ways to help your child answer for herself, “How do I know God is there if I can’t see God? Click to Tweet
Adults understand the universal laws that govern life,
A mother’s work is never done. The same could be said of a teacher. In this environment of budget cuts and layoffs, teachers often are called upon to be teacher, nurse, counselor, parent, custodian, judge/jury and cafeteria worker.
Entering a new school year, some parents and caregivers may not realize the combined frustrations and desires in the heart of their child’s teachers. As you read, maybe ideas will spark of how your human spirit can reach out to your child’s teachers this year.
I try to create an atmosphere of empathy and care. I spend a few minutes each day to create ‘teachable moments’ about how we treat one another and how our words and actions affect others. In other words, I’m teaching them the principle of how to treat your neighbor as yourself.
