Apr 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
God is not a concept or an idea or a belief system to children. Children are literal and concrete. They can only understand God as a person with whom they have a relationship.
One thing I find interesting about this approach children take to God is how they can attach to God in much the same way they attach to their parents and caregivers.
Dr. Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. describes attachment as “the capacity to form and maintain healthy emotional relationships. This attachment, the emotional relationship, is not as easy to see or document, yet it is nonetheless as important for human development as the umbilical cord is in utero.
Babies are born ready to attach to a caregiver.
Researchers at the University of Dartmouth Medical School, embarking upon a study of infant attachment and child and adolescent brain development, reported that all scientific research now shows that from the time a baby is born the brain is already biologically formed to connect in relationships.
While an infant is experiencing delight in looking at the parent’s face, feeling warm bath water on her skin or being cuddled, the human spirit is doing its own attachment work within the young child. The human spirit is looking for a God who is able to know and be known. This “attachment view” of God underscores the personal relationship approach most children take to God.
Tweets:
- Children can attach to God in much the same way they attach to their parents. Click to Tweet
- The human spirit is looking for a God who is able to know and be known. Click to Tweet
Apr 14, 2014 | Uncategorized
Last week’s post highlights how important it is to a child to have adult engagement with their most difficult questions. Older children seem to be aware of unexplainable events in their life. To an interested listener, they speak freely, with the attitude that it’s obvious there’s something out there and they have ideas and questions about what that something might be.
Adults can offer a calm presence and a certain comfort level with the contradictions and complexities of a preteen.
We also offer children information when they share their outlook:
There’s a lot of time I think I don’t really necessarily believe there’s life after death right now. I’m pondering, toying around with the idea that once you die it’s done, which would put the end to the point of belief right? But at the same time there’s this nagging, well if it is true, I’m screwed.
If a caregiver has a clear belief system, they can suggest an answer to a child’s questions in alignment with that belief system, although it’s still a good idea to hear the child out and not try to force your own opinions.
The obvious challenge arises when adults aren’t sure what they believe themselves.
If a caregiver isn’t sure, what then? Although saying “I have no idea” to an adult is a perfectly fine response, that can be unsettling to a child because it does not provide a safe boundary.
You might consider responses such as: “Some people think X, others think Y.” “What do you think?” or “That’s a great question. Let’s explore that together and figure it out,” followed by an Internet search, a trip to the library and/or some other sources of information.
Tweets:
- The challenge in discussing spiritual questions arises when adults aren’t sure what they believe themselves. Click to Tweet
- Although saying “I have no idea” to an adult is a perfectly fine response, that can be unsettling to a child. Click to Tweet
Apr 7, 2014 | Security
Educator Janet Gonzalez-Mena uses the following analogy to describe the connection between security and boundaries: Imagine driving over a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no railings we will drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side of us, we can drive over the bridge with easy confidence. This is how a child feels in regard to limits in his environment.
The repeated experience of exploring in safe surroundings teaches young children that they are not likely to get hurt, that they can trust their caregivers to keep them safe, and that new experiences are enjoyable.
Spiritual exploration is similar.
Yes, it’s hard, but this is what we do: We allow children room to explore while also providing enough boundaries to keep them safe. We dialogue with them and allow them to ask questions… no matter what kinds of questions those might be.
Attending to things of eternal significance is a wide-open field of exploration for children– one in which they want their caregivers to allow them room to explore while also providing enough boundaries to keep them safe. Their curiosity and desire to explore is revealed by their questions: What happens when people die? Why do bad things happen?
Yet those same questions also reveal a desire for adult engagement in that exploration. That adult engagement provides the safety rails.
Tweets:
- Attending to things of eternal significance is a wide-open field of exploration for children. – Click to Tweet
- Children desire adult engagement in their spiritual exploration because you provide the safety rails. – Click to Tweet
Mar 31, 2014 | Uncategorized
What must every child have to feel secure? The safety of routine.
Children are creatures of routine. As much as they may love the occasional adventure, they feel safer knowing they can fall back into their familiar patterns. See how this father creates a sense of security by making predictable routines for his son’s life:
“I have been actively guiding and setting boundaries with my little one and I know it takes a lot of practice and consistent monitoring. Generally, he will cry for a moment but then want me to comfort him. Before long he runs off to the next project. It is nice to see that he recovers so quickly. When I keep him and those around him (our dog) safe he does have a good time and laughs a lot.”
The human spirit develops a sense of safety in a similar way.
The most basic building blocks of spirituality are
- a healthy sense of oneself as a human being and unique individual
- attending to things of eternal significance
Give children your undivided attention when issues of self-image, conscience or character show up in your interactions with them. That attention will help them develop an inner sense of safety.
The beautiful part is that children with a deep sense of safety– physically, emotionally, and spiritually– give themselves the freedom to explore, risk and discover.
Tweets:
- Giving attention to self-image, conscience and character helps children develop an inner sense of safety. Click to Tweet
- Children with a deep sense of safety give themselves freedom to explore, risk and discover. Click to Tweet
Mar 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
The movie, “Noah,” will leave quite an impression on children and they will think about it. By rating it PG-13, it is obvious that the movie industry does not recommend it for children under 13.
If you see the movie with a child, you open up the possibility of conversation afterwards. Step back from your own views about God and ask the children to give theirs. Children have a natural curiosity about God and they want to process their thoughts with adults.
Here are some questions that might allow kids to talk about what they’ve seen.
- How do you feel about the idea that God destroys an entire group of people?
- How did you respond when you saw the destruction?
- What is the filmmaker’s opinion of the Creator?
- What is yours–based on your personal knowledge of God?
- How has your opinion of God changed after seeing the movie?
- What is justice? What is mercy?
If we keep in mind all those Active Listening principles we’ve learned and encourage their free expression, they might even ask us what we think. Or maybe they won’t.
Are you willing to leave some loose ends if they come away with opposing views to yours?
Tweets:
- Step back from your own views of the Noah movie and ask kids to give theirs. Click to Tweet
- Are you willing to leave some loose ends if they come away with opposing views to yours? Click to Tweet
