Children are drawn to video games. Kids get wiped out here and crushed over there, but they learn how to navigate even when they are too young to read. They recognize that a certain character has special powers. The holistic experience of surround sound with all the different visual game elements engages their mind, senses and spirit.
The same is true of imagination games, immersing children into an environment they create. It’s how they like to learn and play at a certain age.
But what happens when we introduce them to religion?
When adults tune in to religion, we are most likely tuned in to what others did or experienced. When we read sacred writings, discussion is on the interactions of someone else. When we hear a sermon, we are spectators to someone else’s thoughts and observations.
Outsiders looking in
Like a Sci Fi movie in which aliens observe human beings on Earth but do not enter into the human experience, this approach to the spiritual world has somehow become objectified as the outsider looking in.
As a teenager, Robert enjoyed taking pictures of family parties and social events until he had an epiphany: “I realized I was spending my whole life documenting the fun other people were having. I put away my camera for years and simply wanted to experience the relationships and social dynamics myself.”
By contrast, video games allow us to enter the environment….
…..to act and interact as if we are there — a tremendous image of the way children could encounter the spiritual. It’s completely different from religious people for whom the spiritual is external, rather than something they enter and experience moment by moment.
Help children engage their spiritual imagination to enter into the moment. Learning comes as they reflect and process, not just flit from experience to experience. Doing both — engagement and reflection — brings insight.
Next week’s post will highlight specific ways to begin doing this.
Tweeable: Video games-a tremendous image of how children could encounter the spiritual dimension. Click to Tweet
One family doesn’t encourage their children to dress up for church, even though most of the kids who attend dress up a bit more. If you ask them why, they’d tell you: We don’t have to dress up and look good to present ourselves to God. Come as you are.
The point is not about proper attire for church, temple, or mosque
Each culture has different clothing that may be considered appropriate, and for different reasons. A mosque may require modesty in dress. An African American church may encourage people to wear their best as a celebratory gesture in worship.
The point I make with that story is that we need tofind a way to help the children in our lives present themselves with honesty to God and others. Some parents have a primary concern about what others will think of them if their child does something wrong. What will the neighbors think? That preoccupation can be subtle but damaging. It tells children they must look good above all else, with very little room for the mistakes that teach them so much.
Instead of worrying about what others think, what if we flip the focus back onto the child?
What will help develop their human spirit?
Letting them make mistakes.
Not covering those mistakes up.
Helping them process wrongdoing so they can learn from it.
Serving as a sounding board as they think, reflect, and make the kind of internal changes that will allow them to grow.
There’s a big difference between asking, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” and asking, “How would that look to so-and-so if they saw you doing that?” One results in personal growth, the other in external conformity. The difference is between looking good and being good.
Tweetable
How can we find a way to help children present themselves with honesty to God and others?Click to Tweet
Be a sounding board as a child reflects and thinks and you’ll see them grow in common sense. Click to Tweet
“Morality is not just something that people learn, it is something we are all born with,” wrote Gareth Cook in his recent interview with Yale psychologist Paul Bloom in an issue of Scientific American (Nov 12, 2013) (italics mine).
The interview with Bloom continues:
“At birth, babies are endowed with compassion, with empathy, with the beginning of a sense of fairness.
The sort of research that I’ve been involved with personally, looking at the origins of moral judgment, is difficult to do with very young babies. But we have found that even 3-month-olds respond differently to a character who helps another than to a character who hinders another person.”
This kind of research supports the core of child-centered spirituality–
… that conscience, morals, character are in them already. That the way to develop children’s spirit is found in opening yourself up to their world, in asking them questions and answering theirs, in listening.
It is universal, but we still avoid the topic
Think about the last time you were in a discussion with people of diverse spiritual perspectives about how your child’s human spirit is developing. I’m guessing it wasn’t anytime recently at a play group, team barbeque, or playground bench.
Do we want to normalize it?
In light of the research, this topic is of more importance to children than many of us realize. I wonder if it would be in the best interest of the child to attempt to normalize the topic by talking more opening about cultivating our child’s spirit. For example, asking other parents to give you recommendations for some picture books their child likes with spiritual themes of forgiveness, equality or sharing. Or swapping stories of family spiritual experiences such as visiting an elderly friend or taking a nature walk.
What would it look like if you did that?
Would open interaction point us toward a framework that helps us understand ourselves and others and our place in the world?
Tweetable: At birth, babies are endowed with compassion, with empathy, with the beginning of a sense of fairness. Click to Tweet
Young children generally experience Christmas like they do Halloween: one is a time to get presents and the other is a time to get candy.
Older children are more likely to hear friends speak of Christmas as Jesus’ birthday, which may give rise to questions about why Jesus is so important that his birthday is a holiday.
I asked some adults this question and here’s what they say
Jesus was a good teacher. We can read the book of Luke in the Bible to learn more about what he taught.
Jesus was born, not just as an ordinary baby, but sent by God to show us how to get closer to God and understand God better.
Jesus was God’s gift to us, so we celebrate his birthday by giving gifts to each other.
It is not only Jesus’ teachings which make him so remarkable
…although these would be enough to give him a holiday of his own. It is a combination of the teachings with the man himself.
Here’s what Jesus himself said about why he came into the world
My purpose is to give you a full and satisfying life.
I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.
The one who sent me is with me–I always do what pleases him.
Ask children why he gets his own holiday
Ask them what they think about Jesus and Christmas. Their answers in this 2 minute video may surprise you, bring you the biggest smile (laugh) of your day, and inspire you to ask them some questions.
Tweetable: Children try to answer simple questions about Christmas in a 2 minute video here. Click to Tweet
Weight Light as a child’s heart; Heavy as the meaning of life
Length About 300 words per week
First steps
First reader appeared who was not a family member or personal friend
First subscriber signed up on her own, not because I begged
When someone found enough merit in a post to “Share” it with his Facebook friends
First language translation: German
A growing number of people trust Child-Centered Spirituality
We would be nothing without this community who shares the idea that children come to us with a vibrant human spirit, that we have the opportunity to develop and encourage what has already been placed inside the child.
So I’d like to acknowledge here (in no particular order) some of the efforts readers made to promote Child-Centered Spirituality in its first year:
Seeing Richard’s “Like” on almost every post the entire year
Michelle’s frequent “Share” with her social media networks, referring me to Alisha, and more
Shan standing by me in Dec-Jan-Feb when I felt like throwing in the towel
Conrad sharing the childcenteredspirituality.com link with his friends in Australia
Parents, too many to name, who gave consent to use a story or picture of their children
The “we” you may not know
You’re welcome to take a peek behind the scenes of Child Centered Spirituality. Four people collaborate with me in the writing and distribution of the blog. Tara Miller edits and contributes ideas. Alisha Ule assists with social media and technical support. Annette Schalk does the German translation. And my husband Bob has been an unwavering source of support throughout the entire process.
Thank you for reading
Sadly, no way to get a piece of birthday cake to you, but this is the recipe I used for Snickers Candy Bar Cake.
Tweetable: A growing number of people trust Child-Centered Spirituality for objective thinking on a volatile subject. Click to Tweet
The point is not about proper attire for church, temple, or mosque
What will help develop their human spirit?
This kind of research supports the core of child-centered spirituality–
Name
A growing number of people trust Child-Centered Spirituality